Love Will Tear us Apart
by never trust a redhead123
Summary: They were never supposed to work and even when they did they were never meant to last but things never did quite go the way they ever planned. A Blackinnon fanfiction set in their 7th year...please read & review ! x
1. An Impulsive Kiss

_They were never supposed to happen and when they did it was supposed to be one time but once turned to twice and suddenly he was breaking her heart and she was making him go mad. It was supposed to end once they graduated but soon she was buying a house and giving him a key. Then she was gone and he was alone with too few memories of her and too many regrets as he sat in the room they used to laugh together in the only sound now being the small blows of air he made blowing smoke from his mouth as he took drags of his cigarette._

* * *

Marlene McKinnon was the definition of beautiful. Long wavy golden blonde hair that was never frizzy or un-kept, a perfect figure, not too thin or too large, a dazzling smile and eyes the colour of the ocean. Marlene McKinnon walked down the corridors of Hogwarts conveying an image of confidence and intelligence.

Boys would go weak at the knees when she walked by and if you'd gone on a date with Marlene McKinnon then you were one of the lucky ones. For very few boys did get the chance. It wasn't that Marlene was picky or that the immense attention she received made her self-indulgent it was simply that she had not much interest in boys or getting toyed with.

Marlene, although she seemed the exact opposite, did not enjoy relationships or feeling dependant on someone else. Marlene McKinnon would much rather spend her night cuddled up in the common room with a good book and a box of Bertie Bots Every Flavoured Beans than get all dolled up and go on a date with some sixth year Ravenclaw she barely knew who spent half the date trying to impress her with the same silly lines she'd heard about a billion times before.

Sirius Black was every girl at Hogwarts dream date. He just had that vibe. His 'bad boy' persona made girls swoon at the sight off him and that was not even taking into account his good looks and charming personality. Sirius had long black hair and piercing grey eyes. Both features he was well known for.

Sirius had gone out with many girls during his time at Hogwarts but no one had ever really peaked his interests. Although that suited him just fine seeing as Sirius had no real interest in getting 'serious' with some girl in school. Sirius was much more interested in spending his nights with his friends playing a game of exploding snaps than hanging out with some girl wearing so much makeup that if she were not wearing any he'd barely notice her.

(Marlene)

Marlene woke up late, as she usually did, making this morning not much different from any others. Although what she didn't know at the time was that today would be much different from other days but Marlene McKinnon did not know that yet.

"I hate Mondays!" Marlene pouted tossing through her drawers until she pulled out her Hogwarts robes.

"It's a Tuesday sweetheart," Lily reminded her only causing Marlene to scowl.

"I hate those too," she said slipping into some proper clothes before brushing out her golden waves and rushing into the washroom to claim a mirror that she could apply her light amount of makeup at. When Marlene slipped into the washroom she found Pandora Thompson already occupying one of the two mirrors.

"Morning Marlene" she said nodding towards the blonde who had just enetered the washroom. Marlene smiled at her politely before taking the mirror beside hers. "Did you finish your potions assignment? I completely forgot it was due today and I was spending time with Kyle last night..." Pandora said biting her lip nervously. Marlene sighed heavily. She knew Pandora could have easily done her potions assignment last night but had opted not to knowing Marlene would have hers finished and she could copy of it the morning of.

"Fine. But I need it back by the time I'm finished breakfast! And stop messing around with Kyle and get your homework done next time Panda" she added to her friend. Pandora just stuck her tongue out at Marlene finishing up in the washroom and leaving. When Marlene was done as well she headed down to the great hall for breakfast.

Lily, Pandora and Mary were all already seated at the Gryffindor table eating breakfast, and for Lily, reading the Daily Prophet. Marlene joined them grabbing herself a slice of toast and smearing jam across it smoothly.

"Hey McKinnon!" Marlene looked up to see Sirius hurriedly moving towards her across the Great Hall.

"Morning" she greeted him.

"James wanted me to tell you to let the other's know there's a Quidditch practice today at four." Marlene groaned unhappily.

"I'm going to miss my dinner again aren't I?" she asked Sirius with a frown who just grinned at her in response.

"Let the others know" he said turning to walk away.

"Can't you talk him out of it Black!" she called after him desperately. "You're supposed to be best friends!" Marlene watched Sirius all the way out of the Great Hall a smile etched on her face. He was a charming guy there was no denying that. Marlene could definitely see why he was such a ladies man with that killer grin of his and the way he walked.

"Marlene?" The distracted blonde jumped a little startled by the sound of Mary's voice from beside her. When she turned around her friend's eyebrow was raised curiously as if to ask what it was Marlene had been staring at so interestedly.

"What?" she said snapping a little at Mary who had a small smirk on her face now.

"Nothing" she replied almost sounding triumphant. "Nothing at all."

* * *

Marlene's last class of the day finished at 3:10 giving her just fifty minutes to get up to the girls dormitory, gather all her Quidditch gear up and head down to the pitch. Marlene figured she'd be one of the first people there but she didn't mind. She rather liked getting to fly a bit on her own just the wind blowing through her hair and her thoughts.

By the time Marlene had made it to the pitch it was three thirty. She opened the change room door a calmness washing over her as she realized she was the only one there. She tossed her gear down getting ready to change when she noticed a figure on the bench across from her.

"Bugger, I thought I was on my own," she said smiling at Sirius. He nodded at her in response.

"I came early I like to get out flying before anyone else is on the pitch." Marlene chuckled as she began changing into her Quidditch gear.

"The solitude is nice" she replied. Marlene could feel Sirius's eyes boring into her back as she changed. Marlene had never been insecure about her body. She knew it was nice. Not in a self obsessed sort of way but in a way that meant she loved herself and was happy anyway she looked. But now with Sirius staring right at her she couldn't help but hope he thought she was beautiful, that her body was beautiful. Marlene had absolutely no idea why she felt this way and brushed it off as just wanting to impress a guy. Once she was all changed and had pulled her long hair into a ponytail she turned to Sirius, broom in hand.

"Care to fly?" she asked him with a grin that he soon returned. Standing up quickly and grabbing his broom as well chasing Marlene out of the Change Room.

The rest of the team came not long after Sirius and Marlene had shot up into the air and begun chasing each other around the pitch. The practice lasted until six thirty and by the end of it Marlene's stomach was growling uncontrollably.

"Good practice everyone!" James said to the team as they all stood around changing. "If we play like this Saturday afternoon we'll beat Ravenclaw no problem." Marlene was rushing to get ready so that she could hurry up to the Great Hall and grab supper before it was too late but fate had different plans.

Just as Marlene was making her way out of the change room she heard a familiar feminine voice call out her name. "Marlene!" she cursed herself internally for not moving faster and slowly turned around to see Charley Hayes standing there with a smile spread across her rosy red lips. She decided that she needed to start asking Marlene questions about their Arithmacy homework right then and there keeping the impatient blonde stuck there for an extra twenty minutes.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Charley chimed after Marlene had explained the work over to her who faked a smile. "You're a life saver Marlene what would I do without you!" Charley said happily as she practically skipped out of the change room. Marlene let out a heavy sigh and collapsed on the bench behind her. She was never going to make it for dinner seeing as she desperately needed to take a shower first and still had to put away her Quidditch gear.

"I thought you were dying to get up to the great hall?" Marlene heard someone ask. She looked up to see Sirius sitting across the change room once again, the two of them were the only people left. Marlene got up and walked over to Sirius sitting beside him on the bench pouting.

"I was planning on it twenty minutes ago before Charley Hayes needed so desperately to bother me with her Arithmacy troubles." Sirius laughed at her a little while Marlene tried not to think about the very delicious food Hogwarts students were currently enjoying in the Great Hall.

"You know I thought it be a good idea for me to bring some food just in case..." Sirius started to say pulling food from his bag and setting it out in front of them. He had with him two ham sandwiches, two chocolate caldrons and a bottle of Firewhiskey. Marlene looked up at him in dismay. How had he managed to get all this food?

"You just store food away in case James has a late practice?" she asked in disbelief. Sirius just chuckled shaking his head.

"No. The house elves in the kitchen are quite fond of me you know and sometimes after practice me and James stay back and eat here so I bring it just in case." Marlene nodded her head gratefully taking the sandwich he passed her way and taking a large mouthful of it.

* * *

In less then an hour the two wizards had finished two sandwiches, a chocolate caldron, and half a bottle of Firewhiskey making them slightly tipsy.

"So who was your first kiss?" asked Sirius. The two were now sitting on the floor of the change room their backs leaning against the bench as they passed the bottle of Firewhiskey between them. Marlene smiled at the memory that came to mind.

"Finn Coxwell, fourth year" Marlene could still smell the cologne Finn had been wearing that day. It had seemed like a big deal when her boyfriend of a month had finally leaned in and kissed her. Sadly the two fourteen year olds broke up two weeks later and that was one of the few kisses they ever shared.

"Finn Coxwell?" Sirius asked obviously trying to hold back his laughter.

"What!" Marlene snapped at him. "I'll let you know Finn Coxwell was very attractive! And he smelt brilliant" Marlene said with a grin. "You could take some points from him." Sirius raised his eyebrow curiously.

"Are you saying I'm not attractive?" Marlene shook her head a sly smile on her face.

"I'm saying I've smelt you after Quidditch practice and you most definitely do not smell anything close to brilliant." The two laughed at her comment for a moment before passing the slowly emptying bottle of Firewhiskey again.

"How about your virginity?" Sirius asked her curiously. Marlene felt her stomach twist uncomfortably. Although you'd think it was a lie seeing how gorgeous Marlene was and the fact that she had piles of boys yearning for her affection, Marlene McKinnon had never lost her virginity. The truth was she'd never been serious enough with a guy to consider it and she wasn't really a believer in emotionless sex.

"Still present" she said hoping Sirius wouldn't mock her for it. He looked a little surprised and after taking another gulp of Firewhiskey proceeded to ask his next question.

"Why not?" he asked her. "I mean don't take this the wrong way McKinnon but your hot and you've got almost every guy in this school wishing he could sleep with you?" Marlene shrugged her shoulders.

"That's just it isn't it? I don't want to waste my first time sleeping with some guy who's only interested in me cause' he thinks I'm hot and likes my tits. I want the first person I sleep with to actually be someone who gives a shit." Sirius looked impressed by her little speech and nodded approvingly.

"I see. I suppose you'll get it better than I did. I lost my virginity in a broom closet to Marina Mikelson." Marlene had to throw her hand around her mouth to stop herself from bursting into laughter. Marina Mikelson was as stupid as stupid got. The only things going for her were her large breasts and Barbie doll features but besides that she didn't have much substance to her.

"I really expected more from you Black," she said giggling a little. Sirius just shook his head dropping it into his hands dramatically.

"I was drunk" he chuckled. Marlene looked down at the bottle of Firewhiskey in her hands only a gulp of it left. She was starting to feel the affects of alcohol on her feeling slightly light headed and extremely impulsive.

"Do you even know what time it is?" She asked passing Sirius the finally bit of Firewhiskey. He shook his head and Marlene just laughed. She knew the minute they left this room she'd have to head up to the common room and finish her shit load of homework that she was terribly dreading. She didn't even know how she got through it sober let alone finishing it up while drunk.

"I really don't think I live enough you know?" she asked Sirius who obviously did not understand her feelings at all seeing as he constantly lived too much. "I hardly date. I finish all my homework, always. I never break the rules. I've had only one detention...did you know that?" Sirius smiled at her, quite amused by her drunken banter.

"So live a little McKinnon" he said to her mischievously. "Do something crazy and impulsive that no one will see coming." Marlene felt the 'liquid courage' kicking in and without much thought leaned in and kissed Sirius. He didn't respond at first, taken by surprise, but within a few seconds their lips were moving in chorus and she had wrapped her arms around his neck as he lay her down on her back across the cold, hard, cement floor of the change room.

Marlene didn't know what was happening as Sirius pulled her t-shirt over her head but it didn't really bother her either. She wasn't sure whether or not she'd regret this all in the morning or if the alcohol wasn't affecting her quite as much as she thought it was but all Marlene McKinnon knew in that moment she was happy and she wanted Sirius to be removing her clothing. And kissing her up her neck just the way he was.

* * *

When Marlene McKinnon woke up in the morning she was greeted by chirping birds and small rays of sunlight making it through the very small windows in the change room. Marlene let out a small groan holding her head in her hands as it throbbed. She'd definitely had too much to drink last night.

Marlene sat up after a few minutes taking in her surroundings for the first time since she'd opened her eyes. She was wearing nothing but her bra and the only thing covering the rest of her naked body was her t-shirt. Marlene's neck ached from the uncomfortable sleep on the cement floor. Her memory felt fuzzy as she tried hard to remember what she was doing in the Quidditch Change Room naked and alone.

Slowly in tiny pieces the night came back to her. The Firewhiskey and sandwiches, Sirius's prompt for her to live a little, her impulsive kiss. Marlene felt her stomach clench unpleasantly but she couldn't be sure whether it was from the memory that had just resurfaced or the large amount of alcohol still in her system.

Marlene couldn't help but feel dirty. Her hair was a tangled mess and as she put her scattered clothes back on she realized what was probably bothering her most, Sirius had left her. He'd gathered his stuff up and left her lying in the middle of the Change Room naked.

"Pull yourself together" Marlene instructed herself and she did exactly that. Marlene McKinnon changed back into her clothes, grabbed her abandoned Quidditch gear and walked straight up towards the castle her head held high and a feeling of confidence surrounding her. She would not let herself fall or seem uneasy. She was Marlene McKinnon every boy in Hogwarts wanted her. Sirius Black would not falter her confidence.

As Marlene walked back through the castle she caught a few kids on their way to breakfast who sent her questionable looks. If anyone asked she'd just say she had gone to the Quidditch pitch early in the morning. Marlene's strong feeling of confidence lasted until she finally walked up the stairs to the Gryffindor girl's dormitory and walked in to see her roommates all getting ready for class. Everyone froze at the sight of her obviously having noticed her absence last night.

Lily was the first to speak. "Marlene-McKinnon-where-have-you-been" she said between clenched teeth. "I was worried sick about you last night and then James tells me you never came up from the Quidditch pitch! I had no clue what happened to you!" Marlene looked down at her feet too embarrassed to meet Lily's eyes. What was she going to tell them?

"Lil I'm sure Marly has a perfectly good explanation for why she didn't come back last night, don't you?" Asked Mary with an understanding smile. Marlene still didn't say anything her bottom lip starting to shake.

"Did you sleep in the common room?" Brooke Douglas asked her. "I mean sometimes I come in late, start doing homework and just fall asleep in the common room..." Marlene just nodded her head even though it was a lie.

"Yeah" she said trying to keep her voice steady. "Excuse me I'm just going to go to the washroom..." Marlene quickly rushed of closing the washroom door behind her and running to one of the toilets falling to her knees in front of it and throwing up. Goddamn hangover. She cursed in her head sitting back against the wall once she was done, trying to catch her breath.

"Marly?" Marlene looked up to see Lily approaching, her expression having changed from one of anger to worry.

"I'm just a little hung over," Marlene said to her friend winking at her. Lily sighed taking a seat beside her Marlene. "Panda thought you might be so she went down stairs to mix you up her famous remedy and Mary and Brooke went to go eat so I thought maybe now that we're alone you could tell me what really happened last night." Marlene knew Lily would be the first one to get it out of her. In the seven years Marlene had known her never once did Lily fail to get needed information out of someone.

"You can't tell anyone," Marlene said sternly to her friend. "Not even Potter!" Lily nodded her head staring at Marlene expectantly waiting for the news she was about to lay on her. Marlene bit down on her bottom lip nervously preparing herself for Lily's response.

"I slept with Sirius Black" she finally spat out.


	2. Guilt

**(Sirius)**

Sirius looked over at Marlene's sleeping form beside him a small sigh escaping his lips. He couldn't deny that she was beautiful. With her long, perfect blonde hair and captivating blue eyes. Her eyes were by far his favourite feature of her's. He felt like he was looking into the ocean when he looked into those eyes, Sirius did not feel as if his grey ones compared.

He stood up grabbing his clothes they'd left scattered around the change room and placing them on one by one. Once Sirius was fully dressed he looked down at Marlene feeling a little bit guilty just leaving here there to wake up alone and probably a little confused. Sirius grabbed her shirt off the floor beside him and placed it over her although it was little condolence.

With a final glance the Gryffindor headed from the change room and made his way back up to the castle. It was still dark outside so he figured his roommates would all be asleep and if they asked questions about his whereabouts that evening he'd simply tell them he stayed behind for some extra Quidditch practice.

Sirius couldn't shake what had just happened and he couldn't stop the guilt from bothering him as he remembered how Marlene had mentioned her virginity meaning something to her and now Sirius had taken it foolishly. He didn't even have a crush on Marlene McKinnon. He'd never really thought of her that way until the time they'd spent together in the change room. He'd never thought about kissing her or grabbing a mound of that blonde hair until he'd downed a bit of Firewhiskey and listened to her speak, quite intelligently, for more than just five minutes in-between Quidditch practices.

Sirius slipped into the empty Entrance Hall making his way up the stairs towards the Gryffindor Tower. He couldn't seem to get the thought of Marlene out of his head although he pushed it away as just being guilt coming from the fact that he'd taking something very meaningful away from her very meaninglessly.

Sirius gave the Fat Lady the password as she snapped at him for waking her up and slipped into the empty common room before quietly descending the stairs to the boys dormitory. Just as he'd suspected when he opened the door all of his roommates were fast asleep with their curtains drawn. Sirius slide his drawer open as quietly as possible pulling out a grey t shirt and some flannel pajama bottoms before climbing into his own bed and drawing the curtains around it.

* * *

"Looks like Padfoot slipped back in last night" Sirius heard someone, who sounded a lot like James, say.

"Should we leave him till after Breakfast?" Sirius took that as his cue and quickly drew the curtains back from around his bed startling his three friends a little.

"Where were you last night?" James asked, quickly recovering from the surprise.

"Stayed back a little longer to fly. It takes my mind off of things." His three friends looked at him skeptically and before they forced him to further explain he hopped out of bed. "I'm gonna go to the washroom and then we can head down to breakfast, yeah?" He asked not giving his friends time to respond before he'd slipped away. Sirius gave himself a hard look down in the mirror. His hair was a little messier than usual but he could always say that was just due to 'bed head.' Other than that his appearance was nothing from the ordinary. Sirius fixed his hair, brushed his teeth and went to the washroom before joining the other Marauders again.

"You guys can head down if you want," he said to them when he noticed the three of them sitting on James's bed looking a little restless. "I still have to get changed" Remus and Peter nodded but James stuck behind leaving the two alone.

"Where were you last night?" James asked his friend again.

"I already told you" Sirius tried to retort not looking up to meet James's eye. Instead he busied himself with finding some clothes for the day.

"If you were going to make some lame excuse up at least find a better one" his friend said sitting down on the edge of his bed. Sirius didn't reply even as James waited patiently.

"You're really not going to tell me?" James asked in disbelief. "Come on Padfoot!" he prompted but Sirius remained quiet tossing on a new t-shirt and some blue jeans.

"I'm hungry, aren't you hungry? Why don't we go eat Breakfast" Sirius said grinning at his friend's look of desperation.

"I'm going to get this out of you whether you like it or not!" James shouted after him as the two headed down to the Great Hall.

James spent their entire walk down trying to crack Sirius but he wouldn't budge still not willing to let James in on his little adventure last night. As they headed down to the Great Hall Sirius began to catch symptoms of his hangover. Dizziness and a pounding head ache, although he could no longer tell if that was from the alcohol or James's tireless attempts at getting his secret out of him.

Either way by the time Sirius took his seat at the Gryffindor table he felt terrible. The young Gryffindor grabbed himself only a boiled egg earning him some suspicious look from his friends.

"That's not normal" Peter said looking down at Sirius's nearly empty plate.

"You're hung over!" James shouted accusingly. "You were drinking last night weren't you? With who?" Sirius just shook his head not wanting to let James know just yet. He wanted to be able to process the nights events on his own before he told James about anything and earned himself a lecture on why it was a bad idea to take the virginity of his best friend's girl friend's friend. Sirius let out a heavy sigh this was all hurting his brain too much.

"Hey James where's Lily?" Sirius asked changing the subject to his benefit. James opened his mouth obviously ready to counter his friend before he took a good look up and down the Gryffindor table and noticed his girlfriend's abnormal absence.

"MacDonald and Douglas are here. Pandora left with some toast and something sort of green looking thing that resembled a smoothie." Remus said looking up from his paper for the first time since Sirius and James had arrived. Sirius felt his face drop a little. He was sure Lily was up there with Marlene and that, that must've been where Pandora was headed with her food. Was Marlene sick? Was she in trouble? _It's not your problem Sirius_ he tried to remind himself. _She isn't your girlfriend._

* * *

Sirius painfully made his way through his morning classes feeling like there was a war going on inside his head.

"How's that hang over treating you?" James asked him as they made their way down to the Great Hall for lunch.

"Just lovely. I think we really have the potential to be great friends." James chuckled at his friends comment before his eyes landed on a specific red head standing in the middle of the entrance hall.

"James!" she called out waving at him as if he wouldn't notice her anyways. Sirius watched a large smile spread across his friends face as he walked down the last few steps to meet his girlfriend kissing her on the lips for a good thirty seconds. Sirius turned to see a certain Marlene McKinnon standing beside her. His stomach plummeted at the sight of her. She didn't look bad for someone who had spent her night sleeping on the floor. She didn't look as if she had any makeup on and she had dark bags under her eyes but Sirius didn't think it made her look bad at all. In fact he thought it was a nice look on her. He sighed. _This is not right_ he told himself.

The minute Marlene's eyes met his she smiled at him and he knew right away what would happen next. Slowly she'd move from Lily's side to Sirius and they'd have to talk out what happened last night and she'd give him sad eyes and he'd feel even more guilty than he already did. The minute Sirius caught her starting to move towards him he darted right past her straight into the Great Hall not looking back once.

* * *

Sirius skipped his classes after lunch and went to the Hospital Wing instead to find himself a remedy for the terrible headache he'd owned for what felt like eternity. He then spent the rest of his afternoon in the seventh year boy's dormitory attempting something along the lines of sleep but he wasn't doing a very good job. Sirius had ended up just laying in bed trying to figure out what to do about Marlene McKinnon.

He felt guilty for leaving her in the change room and then ignoring her when she had made it clear she wanted to speak to him about something but the truth was he hadn't really processed himself what had happened. He'd taken a girl's virginity, someone he was on friendly terms with, and he hadn't even had a crush on her. Sure Marlene was gorgeous and she had great tits, it was true, but Sirius didn't like her at least not like that. The only reason he couldn't get her off was mind was because he felt guilty he was sure of it.

"Hows the hangover?" Sirius opened his eyes to see James standing over him.

"Brutal. How were afternoon classes?"

"Uneventful." James replied taking a seat on the edge of his own bed. He looked over at Sirius giving him a serious stare up and down for a minute seemingly ready to start his questions again but Sirius beat him to it.

"I slept with Marlene McKinnon," he blurted out. James just started at him for a few minutes his mouth gaping open.

"That's where you were last night?" Sirius nodded his head. "Getting drunk and fooling around with Marlene McKinnon?"

"You make it sound like I did it on purpose. We were just having a little fun, drinking, and well...she kissed me!" James still looked a little stunned from the information he was still processing.

"But Sirius..." he started to say looking a little nervous. "I think McKinnon was..."

"She was" Sirius said looking down at his hands.

"That explains Lily's dirty look your way-"

"Lily gave me a dirty look?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"If you'd been paying any attention to anything but running away from Marlene you might have noticed." James replied looking at Sirius pointedly. Sirius lay back into his pillow feeling slightly defeated.

"What do I do then?" he asked James.

"I suggest talking to her. Pull her aside and explain everything to her. I mean do you like her?" Sirius thought he'd automatically be able to answer no with the way he'd been thinking about the whole situation all day but now as he sat there he wasn't able to form the word.

"I...I don't think so" he replied unconvincingly. James just sighed looking a little nervous himself.

"Look Padfoot you can't mess around with her. Either you like her or you don't but Marlene is an alright girl and if you go around playing with her head you will screw her up and it will not be good seeing as you're in the same house and year." Sirius gave James a rather unimpressed stare.

"Please Prongs you only care because she's mates with your girlfriend and you don't want us being on the outs because it may falter our performance Saturday in the game." James didn't attempt to agree the point but gave Sirius a stern look.

"Talk to her" he repeated before pulling some paper out of his bag. "Oh and I almost forgot, I brought your homework" James said with a grin tossing a few papers onto Sirius bed to his distaste.

"I was hoping you'd be in a good mood today and forget" his friend groaned looking at the work set in front of him.

"You're so blessed to have me."

* * *

Sirius sat in the Gryffindor common room trying to concentrate on his Potions homework but the sound of Marlene McKinnon's addictive laughter kept breaking his concentration.

Never before had he been affected even a little by Marlene McKinnon's laughter or the sound of her voice but now as he sat just across the room from her it was all he could pay attention to as she was engaged in what seemed to be a rather humorous conversation with Brooke Douglas.

"But Nathan Walters couldn't keep his eyes off of you!" Sirius heard Brooke squeal girlishly. Sirius had dated Brooke Douglas once for two months in fifth year. She was charming and had long silky chocolate brown curls and always wore a shade of red lipstick that made her lips rather alluring.

Usually when Sirius saw Marlene McKinnon and Brooke Douglas speaking she was the one he turned his eyes to first, catching sight of a usual grin spread across her lips but now it was different. When Sirius stole a glance of the two girls he didn't not stare at Brooke once but instead turned to Marlene who was in the middle of laughing her blonde waves pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head and her face clear of any makeup. Sirius couldn't help but appreciate how beautiful she was for the split second he was looking at her. Then he looked at James sitting on the couch with Lily giving him a look that read 'do it now.'

Sirius sighed heavily looking down at the Potions homework he was sure to never finish before standing up and walking towards the chattering girls.

"Marlene" Sirius said when he was standing right in front of them. Marlene looked up at him smiling.

"Sirius" she replied. Brooke looked from Marlene to Sirius obviously confused and not filled in on their current situation.

"Could I have a word?" He asked her trying to ignore Brooke's evident confusion.

"Of course. I'll be right back Brookey," She said giving her stunned friend a pat on the shoulder before following Sirius out of the portrait hole. They stood on the seventh floor landing both of them leaning against the railing. Sirius wasn't sure how he was supposed to start this conversation seeing as he usually didn't talk to girls much after spending the night with them.

"Didn't see you at breakfast..." he said unsurely.

"I wasn't feeling that great. Too much Firewhiskey can do that to you." Sirius nodded his head hoping she'd make the first move. "Being left on the floor of the change room wasn't the nicest either," she added.

"It wasn't personal-"

"Still wasn't very nice" Marlene added sounding cross. "I'm not just some girl you get to shag and walk away from Sirius. We're friends" Sirius nodded his head not opening his mouth to speak. "And we both know that wasn't just sex." She said the last word as if it caused her some sort of pain. "It meant something. At least it did to me."

"I'm sorry" Sirius said not sure what else to say. Marlene gave him a hard look.

"Sorry?" she asked not sounding very pleased with his comment. "Because you took my virginity? Sirius as upset as I am about the fact that I lost my virginity in a change room to one of my mates while drunk I'm not one to sit around and cry about it. Anyways I made the first move didn't I?"

"So it's agreed then?" Sirius asked her. "We're still mates? Nothings changed?" Marlene waited a moment before nodding her head hesitantly.

"Yeah..." she replied not sounding as confident as she had a few moments earlier. "Mates." Sirius smiled at her giving her a friendly pat on the back and turned to head back into the common room before stopping in his tracks.

"By the way McKinnon" he added, turning to her with a grin. "I'd have never known you were a virgin." Marlene smiled at his comment not missing a beat.

"I would have thought you were," she teased making Sirius laugh. He gave the Fat Lady the password and entered the Gryffindor Tower once again, not quite sure how to sort out the way he was feeling inside.


	3. Damage Control

(Marlene)

"Sirius...you slept...merlin" Lily muttered looking completely blown away by the news Marlene had just dropped on her. "You're a virgin..."

"Not anymore" Marlene replied her voice sounding tense due to the discomfort she was experiencing from both her head and stomach.

"So you got drunk and shagged Sirius Black...I mean...what happened after?" Marlene sighed remembering her quick drift into sleep that night. How she and Sirius both and lay down against the hard cement floor, breathing heavily, without a word. She'd assumed he'd fallen asleep with her but after the mornings events she could only guess he'd left once she had dosed off.

"I woke up naked on the floor of the change room and he was gone." Marlene replied earnestly.

"I assumed Sirius was that type of bloke." Lily said more to herself than Marlene. "Marly what you really have to do is speak with him. Nothing's going to get resolved until then...I mean...do you have feelings for him?" Marlene's stomach began to feel even more uneasy at the thought of that question. She didn't know anymore. Maybe she did but she didn't know what those feelings meant and she definitely would not act on impulse seeing how that had landed her with an unhappy stomach and pounding head earlier. To Marlene's luck her answer was delayed by the entrance of Pandora.

"I have a plate of toast and a hangover remedy for Ms. Marlene McKinnon" Pandora said with a grin as she joined the two girls against the washroom wall.

"That looks disgusting" Marlene groaned commenting on the green coloured liquid in Pandora's hand.

"I know. That's why I don't get positively smashed and come back to my dorm room in the morning with a hangover." Marlene just stuck her tongue out at Pandora as the tall blonde haired girl leaned over and handed her the large glass. She took a seat on the floor beside Lily the two of them sharing the plate of toast.

"So, Mar class is in an hour...do you think you can make it?" Marlene stunk of vomit and could hardly see straight with the headache she had going on.

"I think I'll just go in the afternoon I still need to wash up and change..." Lily nodded her head understandingly.

"I'll stay too" she said turning back to her piece of toast.

"Lily I'll be fine, really" Marlene said trying her best to discourage her friend but even her best effort would not make Lily budge.

"Rubbish. You're my friend Marly I'm not just going to leave you here feeling like crap. Now how about you finish off that disgusting looking drink and then take a shower yeah?" Marlene sighed nodding her head slowly. The thought of finishing the drink she had clutched between her hands made her stomach feel worse than it already did.

* * *

After Pandora left the dormitory Lily took a seat by the window to do some reading and Marlene decided it was best to take a shower just as Lily had advised. She felt the warm water washing off her body which currently felt rather filthy. Marlene wasn't sure if it was from the puking or the sleeping on the floor of a change room after having sex on it. The young blonde haired girl wasn't exactly sure how she was supposed to feel right now.

She wasn't sure how one was expected to feel after having sex for the first time drunk and with one of her friends on the floor of a change room. Was there some sort of rule book for this sort of thing? Marlene scrubbed a small amount of soap into her long wavy blonde hair. She loved the feeling of just dipping her head back in the shower and closing her eyes letting the steam coming off of the water surround her. Everything felt calm if just for a moment when outside of this small shower she had a-lot-of decisions to be making.

She took another ten minutes before finally clambering out and entering the large world of decisions and war again. Marlene wrapped a towel around her middle and headed back out into the dormitory to see Lily now sitting in front of her desk writing.

"Feel better?" the redhead asked not even bothering to look up.

"Yes, actually I do. I think I'll just get changed into something comfortable and do the homework I never got the chance to touch last night" Lily nodded her head.

"Go into my book bag then, just copy mine. We don't want to have your head throbbing again." Marlene smiled. _What would she ever do without Lily Evans?_

Lily and her had been close from the time they started Hogwarts, along with the other girls in their dormitory. They had all met almost by force seeing-as they slept in the same room as each other every night for seven years. Lily, Marlene, Brooke, Mary and Panda. They had all been together for seven years and being stuck in the same dormitory and most of the small classes caused them to grow a tighter bond. Marlene always felt as if she had four sisters in them. It was something she didn't take for granted.

Marlene and Lily spent the rest of their morning together in the dormitory with Marlene catching up on homework and Lily writing to whom Marlene assumed was either her parents or Alice. By the time Marlene was finished up all her work it was eleven and the two girls decided they might as well head down to Lunch.

Marlene's stomach was growling as her and Lily made their way into the Great Hall. The two girls were the only ones there other than one or two sixth years seated at the Hufflepuff table. Marlene figured this was mainly due to the fact that classes only finished at eleven and everyone was probably still making their way down to Lunch.

"So what are you planning to say to Sirius?" Lily asked her curiously as the two girls both grabbed a piece of Shepherds Pie for themselves.

"I dunno I was definitely considering 'so...what was up with the fucking?'" Lily rolled her eyes not very impressed by Marlene's joke.

"Come on Marly be serious! What are you going to say?"

"I dunno...Something along the lines of 'what happened last night' and 'where do you want things to go from here?'" Lily nodded her head seeming much happier about that response.

"Marlene!" an excited voice called out. Marlene turned to see Brooke Douglas hurriedly making her way towards them. "Are you feeling all right love? You're going to be in Potions with me right? You know I cannot stand it when you're gone and Slughorn has bloody Maura Welch at our table." Marlene chuckled. She would never figure out how Brooke managed to speak so quickly and cover so many topics.

"Yes, I'll be there. I was just feeling kind of sick-"

"You mean you had a hangover" Brooke corrected grabbing some steamed vegetables and tossing them on to her plate. "You're going to tell me all about it tonight sweetheart" she said winking at Marlene.

"Hey Marly there's a book I gotta grab from the library before class wanna join?" Lily asked her friend kindly. Marlene nodded her head and with a final smile at Brooke the two got up and headed from the Great Hall although they would be stalled immediately after they exited it's doors.

"James!" Lily called out, eagerly waving at her boyfriend who trotted down the stairs towards her. Marlene laid eyes on the one boy she hadn't been able to get off her mind the entire morning and felt her stomach doing back flips. What was she even going to say? She hated confrontation. She didn't even know what one said to a mate after shagging them.

As James and Lily caught up Marlene managed to make eye contact with Sirius and she watched the panic form in those large grey orbs. Marlene tried to take a step towards him but before her foot had even touched the ground he was darting off towards the Great Hall. Marlene caught Lily shooting him a dirty look and James looking confused as ever.

"What is up with him" he muttered to himself.

"Hey Lil I can go grab that book from the library if you want?" Marlene offered having felt her spirits drop sufficiently.

"It's fine Mar I can come-"

"No, no I'd rather just go grab it for you. Really" the young girl continued. "You two can chat." Lily seemed hesitant but after a few seconds of desperate eyes on Marlene's part she budged and handed the tall blonde a piece of parchment that told her what book was needed.

* * *

Marlene had her head leaning against her hand lazily as she half listened to Professor Slughorn teaching them about the workings of Poly Juice Potion.

"Marlene" she heard someone whisper at her. "Mar!" then she felt someone kick her from under the table. Finally Marlene turned her head to the side to see Brooke looking at her eagerly.

"Look over at the Hufflepuff table" she said under her breath with a large smile. Marlene looked towards the table Brooke was talking about to see Nathan Walters, a rather good looking guy, staring right at her.

"Not my type" Marlene huffed turning back to Professor Slughorn without another look towards tall, dreamy and dark haired Nathan Walters.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning" Brooke muttered in a much less enthusiastic tone.

"I think what you're trying to say is Marlene why are you being such a clueless bitch?" Pandora added with an arched eyebrow.

"I am not-"

"Girls" a booming voice interrupted and the three Gryffindors looked up guiltily to see Professor Slughorn staring at them. "I hope you're talking so much because you are already well informed on the workings of Poly Juice potion seeing-as I have large amounts of course work I could get you started on now..." Marlene groaned just at the thought of it.

"No Sir won't happen again" Brooke answered steadily speaking on behalf of the entire group. Slughorn just nodded his head returning to whatever it was he was previously saying. Brooke had always had a way with teachers and they all seemed to simply adore her and her large brown eyes.

* * *

After dinner Marlene and Brooke headed back up to the common room together taking the two comfiest chairs by the fire to do their homework together at.

"It would do you good to get a boyfriend Marly! It's been a year at the least since you've dated anyone and I mean...you're gorgeous babe it isn't as if boys aren't interested." Marlene just rolled her eyes not paying much attention to Brooke's on going rant.

"Brooke it's different for you. I mean you've got everything a boy wants in a relationship I just...don't. I mean yes I do have the looks but they won't be interested in any of the things I like to talk about and I spend half my time playing Quidditch so they'd hardly see me. I mean you're interesting. You keep boys interested because you say all the right things and have time to do crazy stupid things with them and you know how to nod your head and pretend how to be interested in stupid things they say." Brooke just looked at Marlene rather sternly not seeming too impressed by her speech.

"Look Marlene you're coming up with every excuse in the book not to date a boy because...well merlin only knows why but the truth is you need to stop being so damn scared that you're not 'the right girl' and just go with it because I promise you there is a bloke probably sitting in this room right now who'd die to have a girl like you Marlene. which brings me to my previous argument-"

"Not happening Brooke" Marlene said grinning at her friends distress.

"But Nathan Walters couldn't keep his eyes off of you!" Marlene just chuckled shaking her head at Brooke's desperate attempts to get her a date.

"How about we go back to working on our Potions essay seeing-as we already got one strike with Slughorn today" she said trying to change the subject.

"Marlene" a familiar voice spoke from above her. Marlene's head shot up and she saw Sirius standing. A smile spread across her face immediately.

"Sirius" she said trying not to sound as cheerful as she felt.

"Could I have a word?" He asked her nodding his head towards the portrait hole.

"Of course" Marlene replied standing up and grinning at the sight of Brooke's complete confusion. "I'll be right back Brookey" she said giving her friend a pat on the shoulder before following Sirius out the portrait hole.

* * *

"I heard McGonagall and Dumbledore dated when they were younger!"

"Rubbish" Marlene heard Mary and Pandora sharing gossip as they entered the Seventh Year Girls Dormitory. She had the curtains pulled around her bed to set off the illusion she was asleep when in reality she was far from it.

Since the little chat she'd had with Sirius earlier she hadn't been in much of a mood to speak with anyone. She wasn't sure if it was because she'd wanted him to be interested in more than just friends or if she was just tired because of her adventure the night before.

"Is Marly in bed already?" she heard Mary ask curiously.

"Yep. She came up here right away after having a chat with Sirius..." Brooke said still sounding very confused on the matter.

"She was talking with Sirius?" She heard Lily jump in sounding almost a little too interested.

"Yeah...about an hour or two ago. I've got absolutely no clue what it could've been about..." Brooke muttered.

"Probably just something to do with Quidditch." Pandora answered brushing the whole thing off. "Anyway she had a rough morning so she must be exhausted."

"Yeah..." the rest of the girls concluded. It took another hour before the lights went out and the other girls went to bed but still Marlene lay there wide awake. Her mind was running wild. _Should she have said something different to Sirius?_ Why did this matter all bother her so much?

"Marly?" a soft voice whispered from just outside her curtains. "Marly are you awake?"

"Yes," she replied and a tall redheaded figure slipped in and took a seat on the end of Marlene's bed remaining silent at first.

"Do you fancy him?" Lily asked her.

"I don't know" the latter replied with a sigh. "It doesn't matter if I do anyway...he just wants to be friends."

"He told James" Lily informed her. "And he was saying that Sirius has been off his game all day and that he's never seen him act this way before." Marlene found the information little condolence and she just sighed once-more, rolling over onto her side.

"Whatever" she said trying to brush the whole thing off as nothing. "We're just friends right? It was only a mistake."

After a few minutes Lily cuddled up under the covers beside her friend and even though she was sure the red head didn't know it that was exactly what Marlene needed in the moment.


	4. Bludger to the Heart

Sirius's eyes slowly drifted open the light filling them again almost overwhelmingly.

"He's awake!" he heard a voice call out and as his vision came into focus he found James, Remus and Peter standing around his bed.

"How do you feel Padfoot?" Remus asked curiously. Sirius groaned loudly as he sat up in the bed he was currently resigned in, in the Hospital Wing.

"My head is pounding..." Sirius looked down to see his right arm up in a brace. "What-"

"Don't worry Madam Pomfrey is keeping you here over night to mend it all up so it'll be good as new by the next Quidditch practice...although we managed to win the rest of the game just fine without you" James said with a grin. Sirius supposed this was more of a bonus for James than himself.

"You got hit by a bludger when you weren't paying attention and got thrown right off your broom. You're lucky the only thing that broke was your arm." Remus said rather pointedly. Slowly the match came back to him. Marlene McKinnon was the first memory to resurface. He'd been staring at her and gotten distracted. Her long blonde hair blowing behind her as she zoomed around the Quidditch pitch Quaffle in hand.

"Right..." Sirius muttered as he remembered the days events. Saturday had not been at all what he was expecting.

_29 hours earlier_

(Marlene)

Marlene could hear the sound of the rest of her roommates snoring and breathing heavily as they dozed off, fast asleep while she was wide awake her mind racing. It was usually like this before the first Quidditch match of the year, seeing as she found it the most stressful. Giving herself another five minutes of attempted sleep Marlene finally gave up throwing a jumper on over her tank top and heading down stairs to the Common Room where she could sit for a while and read her book.

The past week had been filled with numerous Quidditch practices and awkward eye contact with Sirius Black. Seeing-as they both played the same position it was increasingly difficult not to make eye contact and share a few words when they had to be passing the Quaffle to one another.

After every Quidditch practice Marlene would make sure to rush out of the change room before she could be left alone in there with Sirius. She hadn't been alone with him since they talked on Tuesday and Marlene tried to push that day as far from her memory as possible.

"Sorry..." she heard someone mumble from behind her interrupting her train of thought. Marlene looked up to see Sirius standing at the bottom of the staircase leading up to the dorm rooms. He turned to walk back up them when Marlene stopped him.

"You don't have to leave" she said the most words she'd spoken to him since Tuesday. "I'm just reading...I can never fall asleep before the first Quidditch match." Sirius chuckled making his way over to the couch she was lounged out across.

"Tell me about it. James always gets after me for not getting enough sleep before a match so I usually wait till he's passed out to sneak down here." Marlene nodded her head a silence shared between the pair for a few moments.

"Did you read the Prophet this morning?" she asked not quite sure how else to fill the silence.

"Yeah...two muggle borns found dead" Sirius sighed. Marlene felt uneasy just thinking about it.

"It scares me...this war." She said solemnly. "I mean I'm muggle born. One of my best friends is muggle born. It's terrifying."

"They're not going to win" Sirius said determinedly. "Nothing's going to happen to you Marlene, I promise or Lily, as if James would let anyone touch her." A weak smile spread across Marlene's rosy red lips.

"I just...my parents don't know about it all. They send me off to Hogwarts and they think I'm perfectly safe, if it isn't happening in the muggle world it doesn't exist to them but the thing is I could really be in danger. I could die and they have no idea..." Marlene zoned out the thought consuming her. Her parents sat at home now with not a worry in the world. The knew nothing of a war and to them everything was peaceful and their sixteen year old daughter was perfectly safe.

"Hey," Sirius placed his hand on top of Marlene's comfortingly. "You're going to be just fine. You're strong and courageous no one will ever be able to hurt you Marly." He told her rather protectively. Marlene just nodded her head tears beginning to fill her striking blue eyes.

"I just hate that he makes me feel so scared...Voldemort. He makes me feel small and useless. I hate that I hate feeling like I have to be scared and worried for my safety because of him." Sirius just stared right into her eyes for a moment and before she knew what he was doing he'd pressed his lips against hers kissing her hard.

Marlene didn't know what she was doing. She'd told herself that she never wanted to do this again that it confused her too much but now with Sirius's hands in her hair and his lips against hers everything just felt so right. He made her feel safe and she felt strong in his arms.

* * *

(Sirius)

He hadn't known what else to do. Her large beautiful eyes had been filling with tears and her lips had been all he'd been able to think about since he'd sat down across from her. How soft they were and the way the felt moving against his. So he'd just done it, kissed her, and she'd kissed him back and then they were lying on the floor of the Gryffindor Common room naked and in just the same place they had been Monday.

_Look Padfoot you can't mess around with her, either you like her or you don't. _The words of Sirius's best friend echoed in his head. Now here he was again "messing" with Marlene. He hadn't meant to do it in honesty he'd only wanted to make her feel better and it was the only thing he could do. He hated the feeling he got watching her face stricken with so much pain.

Marlene McKinnon confused him. He looked at her and he just fell frozen. He'd want to stand there and stare at her for hours memorizing her smile and the way her eyes light up when something interested her. All he ever wanted to do was be near her and he hated it. He hated feeling vulnerable. He hated the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when she talked about her fear of getting killed because now he felt as if he feared her death just as much or maybe more.

Sirius could never understand it. He'd never given Marlene McKinnon a second look before. Boys around him would sit discussing how beautiful they thought she was and all Sirius would ever bother to add was that he thought she had nice tits. She _did_ have nice tits he could be sure of that now. She had great tits to be precise, she had great everything and Sirius hated it. He hated her intelligence and her dazzling smile. The way she made him feel more nervous than Sirius thought was ever possible.

So as usual when something scared the absolute crap out of him Sirius did what he did best, ran. The young Gryffindor put his flannel pajama bottoms and shrugged on his Puddlemere United t-shirt before making his way back up to the Seventh Year boys dormitory leaving Marlene alone again with only a kiss to her forehead.

* * *

"Come on Padfoot we have a Quidditch game to win" Sirius was awoken to James Potter saying giddily. Sirius soon after stumbled out of bed and took a quick shower. When he headed back into the Dorm room all of his friends had already headed down to breakfast and he was left alone to his thoughts while he changed into some clothes.

Sirius wasn't sure what to expect from Marlene when he saw her that morning. _Would it be the same as before? Would she act differently?_ Sirius headed down towards the Great Hall his stomach growling hungrily. He couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed over the fact that he wouldn't be able to eat much due to the Quidditch match. Sirius made his way down the stairs towards the Entrance Hall where he saw a familiar tall blonde haired girl sitting on the bottom step of the grand staircase.

"McKinnon" he said casually as he attempted to step by her.

"I want to talk to you" she called out after him.

"It's not the best time-"

"Now." She said sternly nodding her head towards the courtyard. Sirius finally agreed and followed her outside. Fumbling with his thumbs nervously.

"I have no clue what the fuck is wrong with you but how in hell in is it all right to leave me all alone like that _twice_? With no explanation, not even bothering to wake me up!" Marlene yelled at him angrily her large blue eyes filed with fury.

"It was no strings attached-"

"Bullshit!" Marlene shouted at him. "I poured my heart out to you. I sat there in that common room and told you something personal something serious and then you fucked me and left me. That's not okay Sirius and you don't get a free pass with me just because you're Sirius Black-"

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked incredulously.

"It's supposed to mean that you get to do whatever it is you please all the time and no one says anything! You get to treat girls like crap and everyone just say's 'well that's Sirius Black for you' but it is not okay and you have no right to tell me it is all no strings attached because that was never mutually agreed upon you decided that all yourself." Sirius opened his mouth to say something but Marlene cut him off. "So I'm done Sirius. Whatever this was this little fuck buddy relationship I'm finished with it. So just fuck off."

"Marlene-"

"No!" she snapped at him. "I don't want to listen to you tell me it's because you're scared or some rubbish similar to that. Everyone's scared Sirius you don't get a free pass." And with that Marlene stormed off leaving Sirius completely shocked and speechless.

* * *

Sirius entered the Change Room his eyes landing on Marlene immediately who was deep in conversation with Dirk Cresswell the Gryffindor Keeper. Sirius just stood in the doorway for a moment his eyes locked on her before he made his way into the change room hanging his stuff up beside James's.

"Are you ready to win?" His friend asked him. Sirius just grinned trying to push all thoughts of Marlene from his mind.

"Always." He replied confidently.

Once Sirius was changed and ready for the match he just took a seat on the bench trying to calm his mind. You can't think about her this entire game. He told himself. _You need to be playing your best not worrying about Marlene McKinnon. _Sirius hated most that he knew she was right. Leaving her alone in the common room was terrible, even for him. The truth was Sirius was almost sure he had subconsciously wanted this to happen. He had been hoping that she'd be angry because it was easier to have Marlene angry with him than to have her passing him affectionate stares with those captivating large blue eyes.

"All right team we're out on the pitch in five so just remember to work together and communication is key." Sirius' stomach flipped uncomfortably. _Communicating_...right.

"Lets go kick some Ravenclaw ass!" Charlie Rose one of the beaters called out gaining a few cheers from the rest of the team. Sirius remained unusually quiet his mind still racing. His eyes flickered to Marlene for only a second noticing a determined expression on her face before he turned away once-again.

It remained that way, his eyes flickering to Marlene every few minutes, until they finally got on the Quidditch Pitch. Sirius mounted his broom the sound of Marcus Donavon's echoing voice as he usually did the commentary for the Quidditch matches. Sirius watched as James shook hands with Stephen Chang and then listened to the usual speech from Madam Hooch "I want a nice clean game..." and then they were throwing the Quaffle in the air and flying away, zooming around the pitch like they'd never left.

"Damien Mattleson seems to have the Quaffle currently and he's flying quickly towards Dirk Cresswell the Gryffindor keeper..." Sirius heard Marcus saying. He zoomed towards the Gryffindor's end of the pitch his eyes catching sight of a long blonde ponytail. _Pay attention Sirius._ "Mattleson shoots and...Ohh what a miss!" Sirius heard Marcus commenting. He watched as Marlene got the Quaffle for herself zooming across the pitch towards Ravenclaw's goal hoops.

Sirius followed in her pursuit keeping close to her broom James not far behind. Marlene tossed the Quaffle at James as he began to lead ahead and Sirius zoomed up after him with James eventually passing him the Quaffle.

"Black has the Quaffle now they only question is will he get a good shot..." Marcus said as Sirius lifted up his right arm whipping the Quaffle towards one of the goal hoops as hard as he could and watching the Ravenclaw Keeper miss it by a long shot. "And he got it in! Ten points to Gryffindor!" Called out Marcus the sound of Gryffindor cheers coming from the Quidditch Stands.

Sirius' eyes flickered to Marlene for a moment. She had already turned around and begun flying away the only thing Sirius could see of her was the long blonde ponytail flying in the wind behind her and that was when it happened. The thing Sirius had been dreading happening the entire time, he let her make him lose concentration. Sirius only felt the impact of the heavy bludger slamming into his right arm before he was knocked off his broom and falling to the ground.

* * *

Eventually Madam Pomfrey kicked the three Marauders out insisting Sirius needed his rest to heal properly and James had no objections considering he needed his chaser in top shape.

When Sirius woke up the Hospital Wing was completely dark and he found Marlene McKinnon sitting in the chair beside his bed.

"Marlene...?" he mumbled sleepily. She smiled at him weakly as if there was something about seeing him that pained her.

"I was hoping you wouldn't wake up" she said earnestly sitting up in her chair. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay..." Sirius nodded his head expecting her to get up and leave after that but she remained sitting there not saying another word.

"Mar-"

"I've just...I've been trying to figure it out. Why do you do it Sirius? Why leave me in the Common Room and the Change Room? I just don't understand." Sirius stared right into those large blue eyes, filled with such confusion and pain.

"Because I can do it. No strings attached" he lied. Her reaction was nothing like he'd expected. Her eyes just glassed over a little and she nodded her head.

"You really know how to fuck a girl up don't you" she said chuckling sadly. There was a moment of silence before she asked her next question. "If we shagged right now would you do it all again?" Sirius waited a moment before nodding his head. _You need to push her away_ a small voice in the back of his head continued to repeat. _You don't want to have someone making you feel vulnerable and weak._

"I suppose we wouldn't have worked anyway" Marlene said taking a deep breath.

"No, we wouldn't. I'm just not that guy Marlene I don't do..."

"Commitment." Marlene finished for him. "I get it Sirius and I could be furious with you right now but truthfully I pity you a little because if you keep living like that you're going to end up alone someday and I worry that one day when no one is there to stop you you're going to act on that terrible impulse of yours and it'll leave you dead." Sirius felt his stomach twist unpleasantly at Marlene's words. With that she leaned in and kissed the top of his head before exiting the Hospital Wing leaving Sirius feeling as if he'd just been punched in the gut.

_I worry that one day one no one is there to stop you you're going to act on that terrible impulse of yours and it'll leave you dead._ Her words filled Sirius' head with curiosity and fear. _Would his impulse be the death of him? Would he regret pushing so many people away?_ Sirius was left that night with too many thoughts and too much regret.


	5. Moving On

(Marlene)

The months were rapidly changing as October the 31st slowly crept up on the Hogwarts occupants. Hagrid's pumpkin patch seemed to be growing larger everyday and the preparation for the Halloween Feast had begun. Marlene had always enjoyed Halloween but this year she didn't find herself quite as excited for it. Marlene sat at a desk in the seventh year girls dormitory writing a letter to Alice whom she missed dearly.

Although Lily was her best friend Marlene did miss Alice's words of advice and the warm smile she held so elegantly. Ever since Saturday's events Marlene had been out of it. she was nothing like herself seeing-as she felt like absolute shit most of the time without even really knowing why. _Yes,_ Sirius had basically said the sex meant nothing to him and _yes_ that had hurt but it wasn't as if Marlene had been in love with him. Marlene just missed feeling like herself.

"Hey Marly" she heard a familiar voice say and she turned around to find it's owner to be none other than Mary McDonald. Marlene smiled at her as Mary flicked a long strand of straight brown hair behind her shoulder slowly approaching the desk Marlene was sat in front of.

"How did you know I was up here?" she asked. Mary smiled at her.

"You're hardly in the common room anymore Mar. What's up with you? It's as if you're avoiding someone." Marlene's stomach twisted uncomfortably. _It was wasn't it?_ Almost as if she was avoiding a tall long haired boy with a goofy grin who occasionally went by Padfoot when talked to by his friends.

"Nope…I just enjoy the silence up here." Marlene lied although it didn't seem to convince Mary of very much. Her friend only sighed heavily taking a seat on the edge of the closet bed.

"Look Marlene I have absolutely no idea what it is you're avoiding down there but whatever it is hiding away isn't going to fix it, if anything it'll only make it harder when you finally have to deal with it. What you have to do is smash right into it, face it head on because only then can you really move on from it." Marlene just sat there wishing she could let Mary in on everything that was bothering her but instead she remained silent and after a few seconds Mary stood up giving her a final pat on the shoulder before exiting the Dormitory again.

Maybe she was right maybe Marlene _was_ hiding away from her problems when what she truly needed to do was smash into them and move on but then all of the anxiety returned. _What if she did move on and then he changed his mind?_ What if he decided it had all meant something in the end, the shagging and the emotional talks late at night. _He's not changing his mind Marlene,_ she reminded herself, _he doesn't care about you._

Marlene sat in her chair for a few more minutes before finally gathering up her courage. She grabbed her coat and headed for the door. She wasn't going to hide in the dormitory any longer. For she was a Gryffindor wasn't she? And what Gryffindor hide from their fears.

So with an air of confidence she held so well Marlene strut through the Gryffindor Common room and out through the portrait hole not looking at one of her peers even once. Marlene had a destination in mind and she was determined to get there without any distractions.

She made her way down the Grand Staircase and headed out into the chilly late October afternoon. She only stopped walking when she'd reached her favourite tree right by the lake, not even minding the chilly weather, she sat down against it closing her eyes and letting her mind wander.

"Isn't it a bit cold to be sleeping out here?" A curious voice asked. Marlene's head shot up and she found Damien Mattleson standing before her a smirk smeared across his face.

"Not sleeping just thinking" Marlene said pointedly letting her head rest comfortably against the tree trunk once again.

"Right…what are you doing out here anyway? Shouldn't you be upstairs studying on a Wednesday afternoon?" Marlene glared at him.

"I'll have you know I've already finished all of my homework." Damien chuckled placing his hands in the pockets of his black trench coat.

"You should have been placed in Ravenclaw" he joked.

"You're Quidditch team would've liked that wouldn't it?" Damien scowled to Marlene's amusement. Damien Mattleson wasn't a bad looking bloke. He had short light brown hair that he kept tidy and sleeked back just a little bit. Marlene only knew him due to the many Quidditch matches they'd competed against each other in and a few projects that they had been forced to work on together on in Charms.

"At least one of our players wasn't so distracted he got knocked off his broom by a bludger" Damien replied prodding her right back.

"At least he could get us ten points before that" Marlene replied with a grin.

"Mind if I sit with you?" Damien asked pointing to the free space beside her. Marlene just shrugged her shoulders.

"As long as you don't insult my Quidditch team any logner" Damien just rolled his eyes.

"How about we stray away from the topic of Quidditch?" Marlene nodded her head. The two tip-toed around the topic for as long as possible before Marlene let it slip that that the Appleby Arrows were her favourite Quidditch team and the delight that spread across Damien's face was undeniable and before they knew it, it the sun was setting and they were still deep in conversation about the teams performance in the World Cup that summer and how Marlene simply adored their Seeker and Damien thought they had the best team Quidditch had to offer.

By the time the two were making their way up to the Great Hall for dinner they'd been talking for an hour straight a moment of silence hardly existent between them.

"Suppose' this is where we part" Damien said when the two entered the Great Hall. "I'll see you later McKinnon" he said a smile playing across his face.

"I look forward to it" Marlene replied heading up the Gryffindor table to where her friends sat.

"Was that Damien Mattleson?" Brooke asked before Marlene had even settled in her seat.

"Yes," Marlene answered simply as she grabbed herself a roll, taking a large bite out of it.

"Is there a reason you were so deep in conversation with him?" her friend continued to pry. Brooke scanned her face as if just by giving her a hard look she could see into her soul.

"No," Marlene replied enjoying the sight of Brooke's clear agony.

"Is that why you headed out of the common room so happily!?" Pandora asked taking her turn at questions now too.

"Is Damien Mattleson the reason you've been so reserved lately?" Lily asked her quizzically.

"Are you shagging him and you're embarrassed to tell us?" Mary now pressed.

"Why are you all so bloody interested in me and Damien Mattleson!" Marlene finally snapped at the four girls. "I was sitting outside, we saw each other, he sat down with me and we got talking on Quidditch. Nothing romantic whatsoever." Her friends all stayed quite for a few moments after that until Brooke spoke up again.

"I was only asking cause I wondered if you would be going to Hogsmeade with him this weekend-"

"Well I'm not. Glad we got that all sorted out anyone else have anything interesting to share?" Pandora and Mary both shrugged their shoulders while a large, suspiciously gleeful, grin spread across Lily's face.

"I might..." All four girls turned to her with eager eyes ready for the latest piece of gossip their friend was about to share. "Have you girls received your letters from Alice yet?" All four girls shook their heads. "Well...I mean I'm not really supposed to tell you yet...maybe I should just wait-"

"Oh spit it out already Evans!" Brooke snapped at her desperately.

"Is she pregnant?" Pandora gasped throwing a hand over her mouth in shock. Lily just shook her head a smile still present on her face.

"Frank proposed," she said happily. Marlene's mouth dropped open in surprise as Brooke and Pandora squealed with delight and Mary threw her arms around Lily as if that hug would be transferred to the happy couple.

"I was wondering when Longbottom would gather up the courage...they've only ever had eyes for each other" Mary said smiling widely. All five girls could agree they had suspected Alice and Frank to be the first of the lot to get married not only because they were a year older but also because well... they were Frank and Alice.

The girls ate the rest of their dinner chatting about nothing but the upcoming wedding and discussing what they might all wear and if they'd all have dates, a thought that filled Marlene's stomach with butterflies. _Would Sirius have a date?_

The question haunted Marlene all night even appearing in her dreams. She sat at a round table alone watching her friends dancing around cheerfully with their dates and then she saw him. He walked in a handsome smirk on his face as he tugged at his dress robes. Marlene decided she would ask him for one dance and that was it, only for old time sake of course, but when she went to stand up a young brunette girl with large boobs and a perfect figure stepped in behind him standing on her tippy-toes to place a kiss on his slightly stubbly cheek.

Marlene jumped awake panting slightly. Her forehead was wet and suddenly her blankets felt too heavy. The young Gryffindor jumped out of bed her feet smacking on the cold hardwood floor as she yanked the curtains around her bed open. Marlene took a seat in front of the window, her favourite place to think, and looked out across the Hogwarts grounds dreamily resting her head against the cool glass and letting her eyes slowly drift shut as she fell back asleep much more peacefully this time.

(Sirius)

Sirius sat at the Gryffindor table early Thursday morning. He was enjoying a bowl of Cereal when a certain blonde caught his eye, as she did every morning. She was sitting farther down the table with Mary and Pandora laughing every once in a while as the girls chatted. She did everything gracefully. Nothing Marlene McKinnon did looked awkward or careless. She ate gracefully, laughed gracefully, and she even managed to be graceful when sleeping.

Sirius hadn't noticed this specific trait until their first time in the Quidditch Change Rooms. The first time he'd shagged her and she hadn't shown any signs of nerves or anxiety she wasn't even sloppy about the whole business, _just graceful._

"Padfoot? Padfoot?" a voice called out breaking Sirius' Marlene trance. He turned around to see James Potter sitting there a curious look on his face obviously wondering what it was that kept pulling his friends attention so often. "You have been doing that for the past week, zoning out, just spit it out already, what is on your mind?" Sirius merely shrugged his shoulders returning to his breakfast.

"It's Marlene McKinnon..." Remus began unsurely. "You always seem to catch him staring at Marlene..."

"I thought it was only me seeing that!" Peter said sounding relieved. While the two other Marauders were in the dark on the matter James understood much faster.

"Sirius" he muttered under his breath. "Do you fancy McKinnon?" Sirius gulped nervously before shaking his head, lying to his friends.

"Of course not. Why would I like Marlene McKinnon? I mean she has great tits and all but...not my type." Sirius chuckled brushing the subject off.

"Is that why you keep looking at her then?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow quizzically. "Because you like her tits?"

"Uh...I guess." Sirius mumbled uncertainly. James continued to give him a hard stare while Remus looked as if he was thinking hard about something and Peter looked back and forth between the two.

"There's something you aren't telling us." Remus said finally looking at Sirius sternly. "But you've told James..." he muttered more to himself than the other three.

"Rubb-" Sirius began to say but with the way Remus was looking at him he knew it was pointless. He would have to tell them. "Fine." Sirius snapped leaning in closer to the other two and speaking in a hushed tone. "I shagged Marlene twice." He spat out. _Better out than in._

"Twice!" James practically shouted. "You mean you shagged her again after the Change Room incident?"

"The night before the Quidditch match..." Sirius mumbled embarrassedly.

"And that's why you got hit by the bludger isn't it?" Remus inquired putting the pieces together. "Because Marlene distracted you?" Sirius nodded his head slowly. James looked as if he was about to explode obviously not very happy about the reason one of his chasers had been out cold most of the previous Quidditch match.

"Yeah..." Sirius mumbled into his hand waiting nervously for James' reaction.

"You lost concentration and literally got knocked out of the Quidditch game because you couldn't stop staring at Marlene McKinnon for two minutes?" James seethed.

"Honestly Prongs you're being dramatic you still won the game" Sirius said in his defense. "You were perfectly fine without me. Anyway I was only staring at Marlene so intently because she had the Quaffle-"

"How about all the times you're looking at her in class? And the Common Room?" Peter pressed.

"And the Great Hall." Added Remus. Sirius was quickly running out of excuses to feed his friends for question that even he couldn't answer himself. Why _did_ he always find himself staring at Marlene? He was the one who had ended that. It was over, finished.

"Can we just stop with the questions?" Sirius snapped at them all taking his anger with himself out on them. "There is nothing going on between McKinnon and I we ended things after the Quidditch match even though there was nothing there to end." Sirius turned back to his nearly finished plate of food.

"I say you ask her to Hogsmeade this weekend" James suggested.

"As a matter of fact I already have a date to Hogsmeade," Sirius lied trying to get James off his back.

"Who?" Remus jumped in quickly. Sirius' eyes darted around the room wondering whether he should fess up or choose a random victim.

"Well you'll see Saturday won't you?" he finally said confidently before turning back to his breakfast.

(Marlene)

"Hey McKinnon! McKinnon!" Marlene heard someone calling out from behind her as she made her way from Charms. She turned her head to see Damien Mattleson rushing towards her running a hand through his brown hair quickly.

"Hey" she said simply beginning to walk again, Damien now by her side. Brooke turned around shooting Marlene a curious glance before rushing off with Lily and Mary back towards Gryffindor Tower.

"Look I was wondering if you would be interested in going to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" Marlene raised her eyebrow curiously causing Damien to add "Just as mates you know?" Marlene chuckled.

"I'm not sure..." she started trying to make him sweat a little.

"Come on!" he countered. "None of my mates share the same appreciation for the Applebys the way you do!" A smile tugged at the corner of Marlene's lips.

"Well, I suppose I don't have any other plans..." she said causing a large grin to break out across Damien's face. "But only if you promise to buy me a thing of Chocolate Caldron Cakes...they're my favourite." Damien nodded his head and then headed off back on his route to the Ravenclaw Tower.

Marlene was prepared to head on her way to the Gryffindor Common room where she'd settle in a comfy arm chair near the fire and write a letter to Alice and Frank congratulating them on their engagement but it seemed fate had different plans for her.

"Awh" she heard a very patronizing voice coo. "A Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw brought together by fate how adorable." Marlene turned around to see Elaine Flint standing right behind her. Her greasy black hair was pulled into a tight bun and she snickered. Elaine was a seventh year Slytherin whom enjoyed nothing more than attacking anyone in her sight.

"Forget to take a wash this morning Elaine? You know our dorms have wonderful showers if you'd like to come try them out sometime..." Marlene started smiling victoriously. Elaine frowned not looking quite as amused.

"Oh shut it McKinnon just because people like your hair doesn't mean it has to stay there forever. In fact how would you like getting a little haircut now?" Elaine asked pulling her wand from her robe pocket. Marlene quickly mimicked the action holding it in front of her steadily.

"You think I'm afraid of you? Don't forget we're in the same Defense Against the Dark Arts class Flint. You have the defense ability of a second year." Marlene watched Elaine growing angrier and angrier but she refused to back down.

"Levicorpus!" Elaine called out but Marlene was prepared.

"Protego" she countered and before Elaine even knew what was happening her own spell backfired and she was dangling upside down in the air. "Expelliarmus!" Marlene called out sending Elaine's wand flying.

"Have any other empty threats for me?" Marlene asked Elaine with a quirk of her right eyebrow.

"Flithy mudblood!" Elaine hissed. "You'll get what's coming for you! Just wait!" Elaine's words had Marlene's blood bubbling and before she knew what she was doing she struck Elaine hard across the face. Before she could say anything she saw Sirius running towards her.

"Marlene what are you doing? If anyone catches you you'll have detention for weeks!" Marlene rolled her eyes not in the mood for Sirius to scold her.

"As if you don't do this every other day. She threatened me first anyways!" Sirius just shook his head turning to Elaine Flint and with a flick of his wand she dropped to the ground.

"Go back to your dorm now" he said to her dryly. "Before I let Marlene have her way with you."

"Watch your back McKinnon" Elaine hissed in Marlene's direction before rushing off down the corridor. Marlene lifted her wand again completely prepared to hit Elaine square in the back with another curse when Sirius grabbed her arm pulling her away.

"Get off of me!" she shouted at him as he dragged her from the corridor.

"What is wrong with you McKinnon!" he finally said, once he'd pulled her back towards the grand staircase.

"What's wrong with _me?_ What's wrong with _you?_" She snapped at him. "I was defending myself back there and you came in and pulled me away like you were my mother!"

"If Elaine told Slughorn what you did, or any professor walked by, you'd be in complete shit! I was helping you!" Sirius shouted back at her.

"You didn't help at all. You think I care about a few detentions? She was attacking me for absolutely no reason!" Sirius just gave Marlene a stern look evidently not too impressed by her reasoning.

"She called you a couple names insulted your house maybe? Look Marlene I was just stepping in before things got too heated-"

"She called me a mudblood and then told me I would get what I deserved!" Marlene shrieked her frustration bubbling over. "Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to spend every hour of everyday trying to prove to people that I am a talented witch? You were born into this Sirius you have nothing to prove to anyone you're not constantly attacked and beat up for your blood status _but me?_ It's my entire life. I will never loss the title 'mudblood' it is going to haunt me till my last breath. I may even die because of it so don't stand there and act like you did me any favours breaking up Elaine and I." Sirius stood there blinking a few times as he tried to process Marlene's harsh words.

"Marlene I-"

"Piss off" she huffed and when Sirius opened his mouth to say more she added "please" and with that she hurried up the stairs towards Gryffindor Tower.

(Sirius)

When Sirius met his friends down in the Great Hall for the Halloween Feast he felt exhausted and slightly defeated. Elaine Flint shot him a dirty look from the Slytherin table that he happily returned before taking his seat beside Peter who already had a full plate of food.

"What took you so long?" Remus asked him as he took a bite of his chicken.

"Some fourth years fighting on the third floor no big deal" Sirius lied grabbing himself some mashed potatoes. He looked down the table to see Marlene sitting with her friends not looking too pleased herself. While the rest of the girls giggled and chatted she sat there emotionlessly, sighing every once in a while._ You were trying to help her._ Sirius reminded himself not willing to be made out as the villain. He did _nothing_ wrong.

Sirius hated the feeling he'd gotten in the pit of his stomach seeing Marlene standing there the possibility of her getting hurt. Sirius was sick of this. He wasn't going to deal with Marlene anymore or the way he may or may not feel about her he was moving on from this entire Marlene McKinnon chapter. Sirius looked up from his food deciding that the next girl to walk by would be the one he'd ask to Hogsmeade. He waited letting his attention be pulled by his plate of food every once in a while until finally one of the sixth year girls from the other end of the Gryffindor table stood up and headed towards the doors of the Great Hall.

"Be right back" Sirius said winking at his friends who only gave him confused looks. He walked right after the sixth year, whose name he did not know, ready to take action.

"Hey!" he called out after her once they'd reached the entrance hall. She whipped around a curious smile across her face.

"Yes?" she answered. The sixth year had large brown eyes and short brown hair she styled well. Sirius liked the look of her, very un-Marlene. No large ocean like blue eyes you could get lost in. No long blonde hair for your hands to run through.

"I'm Sirius Black," he said offering her his hand to shake.

"Bindie Andrews..." She replied unsurely.

"Do you have a date to Hogsmeade this weekend Bindie?" Sirius asked getting straight to the point.

"No..." Bindie replied looking up at Sirius who was using his most charming grin on her.

"Would you be interested in going with me?" he asked her. Bindie's mouth gaped slightly as she mulled over the question.

"I mean I don't really know you..." she started and Sirius' heart dropped as he realized this introduction could lead to a no.

"Well you'd get to know me there...I promise to buy you all the Butterbeer you like!" he added.

"I mean...I suppose..." she said biting her lip as if she was nervous about the whole arrangement.

"Great see you Saturday then" Sirius said grinning at her once more before returning to the Great Hall. He wasn't going to let Marlene McKinnon distract him any longer.

* * *

_I know this fanfiction isn't very viewed but Happy Holidays to anyone reading this! Hope everyone eats all the chocolate they can before the break is over! xx ps. Reviews would be my favourite Christmas present. (: _


	6. A Change in Plans

_Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon were crazy for each other but they just didn't know it yet and they wouldn't know it for a long time. Not without a few more arguments, a wedding, and a sombrero but...that was distant in the future. Their friends didn't know it either not until Saturday November second. The day of the first Hogsmeade trip, of the year. No, none of their friends had a clue that Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black had any feelings for each other until that day and after that day things would change. Not only for the pair but for their friend's too._

(Sirius)

Sirius lay across the couch in the Gryffindor Common Room stopping anyone else form getting the chance to sit there as he lay on his back tossing a Quaffle in the air above him and catching it right before it smacked him in the face.

"Would you be interested in letting us sit on this lovely piece of furniture as well?" Sirius heard James ask. He looked over to see his friend standing there with Lily Evans close to his side.

"Not really but I suppose I could make an except for you lot" he responded with a faux smile. Sirius swung his feet over the side of the couch sitting up straight so the pair could sit down beside him. James wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder and she settled back into it. Sirius smiled remembering the days that Lily Evans refused to stand closer than five feet to James Potter. He could still hear James' never ending banter before they went to bed every night as he complained about how Lily Evans turned down his constant attempt at asking her out.

"What are you grinning about?" Lily asked him curiously.

"I assume his mystery date to Hogsmeade tomorrow" James said obviously trying to get the piece of news out of Sirius.

"Oh yes, the date you won't get to meet till tomorrow" Sirius answered gleefully as he shot a quick glance across the room to where Bindie Andrews was sitting with her group of friends. She immediately looked up at him smiling. She was pretty and had an air of innocence. Sirius liked her and she was not Marlene McKinnon. What could be better?

"Why's this date such a secret?" Lily asked sounding a little confused. Sirius merely shrugged his shoulders.

"She's not" he replied earnestly. "It's just fun to watch James struggle."

"Git." James said glaring at Sirius.

"Tosser" he replied.

"Evening love birds" Brooke said as her and Pandora approached the group. "Sirius" she added nodding at him. Brooke sat down in the armchair beside the couch while Pandora resided on the floor leaning against it.

"How was detention with Professor Markesan?" Lily asked her friends curiously.

"Interesting actually" Pandora replied. "He had us help the elves with cleaning up after the feast in the kitchen muggle style." Pandora seemed much more amused with this than Brooke whom just rolled her eyes as her friend spoke.

"I still think it's unfair for him to punish us." Lily just laughed will James and Sirius shared confused looks.

"What did you two do?" James finally asked.

"Really what we did was an act of kindness," Brooke said defensively.

"You had a bucket of water drop over Elaine Flints head!" Lily said in disbelief suppressing a laugh as she tried to stay serious on the whole matter.

"I mean it is a greasy mess..." Pandora mumbled and before another word could be said Marlene McKinnon had joined the group along with Mary, Remus and Peter.

"I heard!" the tall blonde haired girl practically squealed as she took a seat on the arm of Brooke's chair. "Thank god someone took care of that mess on Elaine's head." Brooke and her giggled as she made the brunette retell the story of how she'd done the whole thing and how Pandora had laughed so hard at the sight of Elaine dripping wet in the middle of the fifth floor corridor she'd nearly peed her pants. Brooke then mentioned how Professor Markesan had caught them and nearly thrown a fit taking ten points from Gryffindor and putting both girls in detention for the night.

"The most Rubbish Defense teacher we've had yet I'd say" Brooke complained.

"You only dislike him because you got caught" Mary told her rather pointedly.

"What were you three doing together?" Sirius asked Remus who had sat on the floor along with Pandora, Mary and Peter.

"We were all doing our Transfiguration essays together. McGonagall's been piling on the work lately" Remus said with a large sigh. Sirius just nodded his head.

"Hey James" Peter piped up. "Did you manage to get it out of him yet?"

"Get what out of whom?" Brooke jumped in interested at the first sign of gossip.

"Sirius has a mysterious date to Hogsmeade tomorrow he won't share with anyone" Peter said smiling at Sirius whom gulped nervously as all eyes turned to him, including Marlene's large blue ones. Sirius refused to meet them not wanting to see the emotion they conveyed.

"Well then Black" Mary spoke up. "Who is it?"

"It's not a mystery if I tell you" Sirius replied cheekily. He had never been one to crack under pressure.

"Just tell us her house!" Pandora begged.

"No." Sirius refused to give in.

"Is she a Hufflepuff? Is that why you're keeping it a secret?" Brooke questioned making Sirius laugh.

"Oh come on Brooke Hufflepuffs aren't so bad!" Lily snapped at her friend defensively.

"They've got no personality to them." Brooke said shaking her head.

"You told me in first year you'd actually wanted to be a Hufflepuff-"

"No, no that never happened!" Brooke shouted cutting her off immediately. "I mean Lily sweetheart lets be honest the only reason you defend the house is because James is the first bloke you've dated not from it..." Lily gasped while the rest of the group shared a chuckle.

"That's not true," she said pouting a little bit.

"That's alright babe," James said to her, a large grin plastered across his face. "Brooke's only jealous that I asked you out instead of her." This comment got another round of laughter from the group followed by a cold glare from Brooke.

"Rubbish." Brooke muttered while James kissed Lily quickly.

"I still want to know who this mystery girl is," Pandora said just as Sirius thought he was out of the woods.

"Then I guess you'll have to find me tomorrow." Sirius grinned. Everyone in the group let out a collective moan of agony at the prospect of waiting another day.

"Won't you just give us a clue?" Marlene asked. For the first time since she'd sat down with the group Sirius looked up at her meeting those piercing blue eyes. She didn't say it harshly or curiously even, it almost sounded as if she were challenging Sirius. The group went silent for a moment while the two just stared at each other.

"Well that just wouldn't be any fun," he said passing her a faux smile. "I think I'm just going to head to bed then...see you all tomorrow" Sirius said grabbing the Quaffle he'd previously been playing with and heading up towards the seventh boy dormitory.

(Marlene)

Brooke insisted on having Marlene let her choose her entire outfit for the day as well as do her hair and makeup. It seemed her friend was more excited than her to finally see her say yes to a date. Brooke forced Marlene to wear a large green knit sweater with leggings and black lace up boots. She then pulled her long blonde hair up into a perfect bun and applied a light layer of makeup.

By the time the girls were headed down, ready to head out to the carriages, they'd spent thirty minutes getting ready.

"Oh by the way!" Brooke added to Marlene as the pair approached the Entrance Hall. "We're all planning to meet at the Three Broomsticks around one to see who Sirius' mystery date is so you two can come join us." Marlene nodded her head even though just the mention of Sirius' "mystery" girl gave her discomfort.

Obviously he hadn't been lying about "no strings attached." He'd never felt anything for Marlene and she was kidding herself ever believing there was a small chance he could be interested. Marlene swallowed back a lump in her throat as her eyes landed on Damien standing near the stairs.

"Have fun" Brooke whispered in her ear before parting off towards her own date.

"You look handsome" Damien joked. Marlene laughed taking hold of his arm.

"Well you look quite beautiful yourself." Damien led her from the Entrance Hall and outside where they then piled into the nearest Carriage. Marlene liked Damien. He was funny and interesting and didn't just agree with everything she said because she was pretty, but there was still something missing. Marlene hated that feeling. Like she wasn't quite getting something she should be.

"You look like you're thinking hard about something" he commented giving her a curious look as the carriage began moving off down towards Hogsmeade.

"I'm always thinking hard about something."

(Sirius)

"So" Sirius said to his date once they'd gotten off their carriage. "Where to first?"

"Honeydukes" Bindie said immediately. "You always want to get there before all the good candy is gone." Sirius nodded his head following the petite brunette as she led the two towards the small candy shop.

"What's your favourite thing to get there?" Sirius asked her trying to start up a conversation.

"To be honest I don't really eat candy...my parents are health freaks" Sirius just stared at her not quite sure what to say. Who didn't eat candy?

"So um... why do you like to get in there before all the good candy is gone?" Bindie looked at Sirius now as if he were mad.

"To buy it for my friends of course. Also I quite enjoy looking at it... not sure why." Sirius remained quiet after that lost for words.

"All right then" was the only response he could muster as they entered the small candy shop already filled with kids.

"I'm just going to get some Exploding Bon Bons for Keya she simply adores them." Bindie said before hurrying off down the aisle. Sirius, whom had absolutely no idea who Keya was, just walked around the shop stocking up on Chocolate Cauldrons, Salt Water Taffy and Treacle fudge. As Sirius looked around the shop for Bindie, so he could pay for both their items at the cash, he found Marlene instead. She was standing near the back of the store chuckling away with Damien Mattleson.

Sirius hadn't realized she had a date today. Damien and her were laughing as they both ate a Caldron Cake. Suddenly Sirius craved to be there standing next to her instead of Damien eating a Caldron Cake and making her laugh but he shook the thought off as Bindie approached him smiling innocently.

"All right I've also got some Licorice Snaps for Sharon seeing as she loves them...should we go pay then?" Sirius nodded his head tearing his eyes from Marlene and her date.

When they reached the front of the line Sirius went for his pocket to grab out his money for the two.

"It's fine really" Bindie insisted having a few Galleons already prepared in her hand.

"Really let me-" Sirius tried to say but Bindie had already handed the cashier her money and tucked the candy into her pockets. This was going to be a long date.

(Marlene)

"We've bought enough candy to supply us through an apocalypse." Damien declared making Marlene laugh.

"You're telling me you don't want this large thing of Bertie Bots Every Flavoured Beans? Because I can take it-" Marlene teased him but Damien grabbed the box from her hand.

"Don't even think about it," he said with a smirk as Marlene grabbed a Jelly Slug from one of their many bags of candy. The pair had gone a little over board on the candy shopping but neither seemed to mind much as they entered the Three Broomsticks to find the entire gang gathered around on of the booths in the back.

"Marlene's here!" Mary called out as Marlene and Damien approached the table.

"Hullo Damien" Lily greeted friendly. James just looked up at him with a hard stare until Marlene heard Lily kick him from underneath the table.

"Yes, yes hello Damien" he said not sounding all too cheerful. Marlene shuffled into the booth taking a seat beside Mary with Damien following beside her.

"Where's the rest of the lot? And Sirius? Isn't this entire thing basically organized for him?" James nodded his head.

"Everyone should be here soon. Timing has never been Sirius' strong suit."

"I'll go grab us some butterbeers then" Damien said smiling at Marlene before standing up and walking towards the bar.

"James" Lily sighed turning to her boyfriend with a stern look.

"What! I was friendly. I said hello. It's not as if he's _my_ date" Marlene couldn't help but laugh a little. "To be honest I really don't see what McKinnon is doing with him anyway considering he's always telling us how terrible our Quidditch team is-"

"James" Marlene said pointedly. "You spent five years being a total git and Lily still went out with you. You might not want to be pointing fingers at Damien." James pouted sitting back into his seat while a large smile spread across Lily's lips.

"Come on Potter" she chuckled ruffling her boyfriend's hair a little. "Don't be a baby about it." The door flew open letting in a cool breeze and Brooke approached the table hand in hand with Malcolm Larson.

"Hello everyone. This is Malcolm, my date, Malcolm this is half of the gang." Brooke said with a smile, pulling some of her curly brown hair behind her ear.

"Butterbeer" Damien chimed placing the cups down on top of the table as everyone grabbed a glass for themselves.

"Nice one Mattleson" Marlene grinned as Damien sat down beside her. The door chimed once again and everyone looked up to see Pandora entering with Kyle right by her side and not far behind came Peter and Remus. The group settled around the crowded booth, now only awaiting the arrival and Sirius and his mysterious date.

Marlene felt her stomach twist uncomfortably as the door chimed once more and Sirius now entered, a petite cute brunette she did not recognize entering behind him. She appeared rather nervous as she approached the table of people she obviously didn't know.

"Everyone meet Bindie" Sirius said introducing them to the petite girl playing with her fingers too much. Marlene gave her a quick look up and down taking in everything from her tight blue skinny jeans to the blue scarf wrapped around her neck. She didn't seem anything like Sirius' type. She was quiet and innocent. There wasn't much personality to her and Marlene wasn't surprised that she'd never noticed the girl before.

"Nice to meet you Bindie" Lily said always the first to make someone feel welcome. Bindie just smiled at her not saying anything back. Her eyes traveled around the group for a moment giving everyone a good hard look before she turned back to her hands seeming unsure again.

"Did you guys get butterbeer?" Sirius asked his eyes landing on the two bottles left at the table.

"Thanks to Damien" Lily said nodding towards Marlene's date. Sirius just looked at him and without another word grabbed the last two butterbeers passing on to Bindie.

* * *

After staying in the Three Broomsticks for a good two hours Marlene and Damien headed up to Zonkos buying a few items before the two headed back towards the carriages around three. Marlene was ready to eat something other that Licorice Snaps and Bertie Bots Every Flavoured Beans.

"You know" Damien said as their carriage began moving off in the direction of the castle being pulled along by an invisible source. "We managed not to discuss our Quidditch teams once this entire date." Marlene grinned.

"How good of us" she said giving his hand an affectionate squeeze. The truth was Marlene hadn't been thinking about how their date had gone at all. What she'd been worrying about was the looks she kept catching Sirius give Bindie. The smirk he passed in her direction and the time she watched their hands touch ever so slightly.

"I think this means you owe me another date," Damien said slyly.

* * *

Sirius helped Bindie into their carriage climbing in after her. He would be lying if he said he wasn't a little excited to get back to the castle and part ways with Bindie whom had hardly spoken about anything of interest their entire date.

Right as their carriage was about to take off the door flung open again admitting James and Lily whom sat across from Sirius and his date.

"Sorry mate but this was one of the last carriages left-" James was in the process of saying before the door flung open once again and Remus and Peter filed in as well.

"Sorry to crowd" Remus apologized squeezing in beside Bindie and Sirius.

"So...did you two have a nice time?" Lily asked trying to make earnest conversation.

"It was-" Sirius began to say when Bindie cut him off doing the most talking she had their entire date.

"Everyone thinks I'm shy" she said suddenly causing everyone in the carriage to look at her in confusion. "Because I don't talk much" she added. "The truth is...I'm just quite observant." James kept looking towards Sirius as if he might know what she was going on about but he was just as foreign to the subject as the others.

"Is that so?" Remus asked her. Sirius couldn't tell if he was interested to hear more or just trying to break the tension.

"For example I noticed it was strange that Sirius should ask me to Hogsmeade when I don't think he's ever noticed me before Thursday, had you?" She asked turning to Sirius now. She didn't sound angry with him or upset at all she just said it as if it were the cold hard truth.

"Yes" Sirius admitted honestly.

"Nothing wrong with wanting a date to Hogsmeade, which I assumed you were looking for. I assumed you just wanted someone to go with until we went to the Three Broomsticks and I realized that wasn't your plan at all." Sirius gulped nervously as his friends shot him curious glances. "I first got the impression there was some there you were trying to prove something to but then I got it. The tall blonde with the blue eyes-"

"Marlene?" Lily asked sounding shocked.

* * *

"So then McKinnon?" Damien asked her. "What do you say to another date with terrible old me?" Marlene smiled. Damien was nice. He was funny and flirty and she knew that Damien would not leave her in the middle of the night. Damien was safe but still she craved for the longhaired boy with the charming grin and alluring grey eyes in the carriage behind her and she hated it. She hated him.

She hated that had you asked her two months ago what her opinion on Sirius Black was she'd merely say his hair was nice. What did Marlene have to say for Sirius Black? They were mates. They played on the same Quidditch team but there was nothing there and now she couldn't seem to get him off her mind. He was her first thought every morning and the last one before she went to bed.

"Marlene?" Damien pressed waking her up from her thoughts.

"Yeah" she said abruptly. "I'd like that."

* * *

"I did not ask you out to Hogsmeade to make Marlene jealous!" Sirius shouted defensively.

"Well you definitely didn't ask me out because you had any interest in me." Bindie said making a valid point.

"It makes sense too," Peter piped up. "Because we were getting after you for looking at Marlene-"

"Then James said that you should ask her to Hogsmeade!" Remus shouted out as if he'd just had a large realization. "Then you suddenly had a date to Hogsmeade but you didn't really have one you just made it up and that's why you chose Bindie randomly." Remus said connecting the dots.

"So you fancy her then?" James asked him. "McKinnon?" Sirius suddenly felt suffocated. He didn't want to answer these questions because when he said it out loud it all became real.

"No! I don't bloody fancy Marlene McKinnon!" He shouted at the group.

"Look Sirius" Bindie said sternly grabbing everyone's attention again. "I don't talk much okay and unless you're close to me you'd probably believe I was the shyest girl in Hogwarts and so I don't get a lot of opportunities with guys but when I walked into the Three Broomsticks today and I saw the way you were looking at Marlene I wished that I did. You like her; anyone with two eyes can see it. When you two are in the same room together you can't take your eyes off of one another and she's the same with you. You guys are crazy about each other but you're fighting it! Or maybe you're pushing her away because you're afraid. You're an all right guy Sirius but there's something stopping you from letting her in and although I won't try to understand it if you keep letting it stop you you're going to lose her and when you do I think you'll regret it. Because great loves only come once and if you lose this, if you lose Marlene you're going to wish you'd listened to that silly sixth year you once foolishly asked on a date just to make that girl you really loved jealous." Everyone in the carriage remained silent staring at one another in awe.

* * *

Marlene was seated at the Gryffindor table with Brooke, Pandora and Mary all three of them already filling their plates with large portions of food by the time Lily arrived taking a seat beside them. She looked a little perplexed as she grabbed herself some mashed potatoes a distant look in her eyes

"Lil?" Asked Mary sounding concerned. "Is everything all right?" Lily looked over towards Marlene suddenly, before nodding her head.

"Yes" she said unconvincingly. "We'll take more about it later." Marlene felt her stomach fill with butterflies as her friends all gave her curious glances as if she might know the answer to Lily's flustered state when in truth she was just as in the dark as the rest of them.

Marlene looked across the Great Hall at the Ravenclaw table searching for a particular face when her eyes landed on Damien Mattleson sitting there with a large grin on his face as he joked around with his mates and then her line of sight changed and suddenly she was looking down the Gryffindor table to see Sirius Black sitting with the rest of the Marauders sullen faced and not amused at all. Perhaps his date with Bindie had not gone as planned? Marlene felt guilty for the small jump of joy she got at the thought of that.

* * *

Dinner was a rather quiet event seeing as the one thing his mates wanted to talk about Sirius refused to even think of. So the Marauders ate in silence and all headed up to the Gryffindor tower together not speaking another word on the subject.

Sirius craved solitude so the moment they got to the Common Room he took up residence in a deserted corner where he could at least pretend to read his book on Quidditch. The truth was Sirius felt humiliated. He knew Lily was going to let the other girls in on Bindie's little observation and his plan to make this a day solely not about Marlene had failed terribly. Sirius felt like shit.

He didn't even fancy Marlene. Maybe there was a small amount of attraction there but nothing more than that. He thought she was hot and she'd been a great shag that was it. The feelings ended there. Bindie was stupid to believe he felt anything more for Marlene McKinnon.

"Sirius" a voice spoke from behind him. He turned around reluctantly to find Lily Evans standing behind him in all her red haired glory.

"Evans" Sirius said with a smirk settling back into his chair.

"I just want you to know about today in the carriage...I won't tell Marlene-"

"There's nothing to tell," he snapped at her his arms crossed.

"Sirius..." Lily started, speaking in a motherly tone. "There had to be some truth to what Bindie was saying-"

"Yes we shagged and Marlene is hot Lily, great tits on that one, but there is nothing there between McKinnon and I. No special spark we're just another throw to the pile of teenage romances. We're not James and You." Lily opened her mouth to say something when the last voice Sirius wanted to hear at the moment spoke out.

"Great tits?" Asked Marlene approaching Lily and Sirius where they sat. She opened her mouth to talk again but right as the words perched on her lips she was interrupted.

"Hullo Lily, Marlene, Sirius" Brooke said nodding her head at the three Gryffindors. Mary and Pandora joined behind her the three girls having no clue what they'd just walked in to.

"I'm in the mood for gossip...has anyone got any?" Pandora asked clueless to the current situation.

"Oh yes" Marlene replied with a mischievous smile. "I think I do. You see Sirius here thinks I have great tits, which is lovely and all seeing as we've shagged twice." The three girls mouths all dropped open as Marlene spoke. "Sirius I wish I could say the same to you and your whole shagging experience" Marlene said much more quietly moving closer and closer to Sirius until her lips were just inches from his face. "But your heart just didn't feel in it sweetheart." Sirius felt his heart land in his stomach as Marlene placed her rosy lips against his cheek before skipping away up the stairs.

" .Fuck" Brooke managed to say her mouth still gapping open in awe. Before Sirius knew what was going on Mary had come up and struck him hard across the face turning a few faces in the Common Room.

"You tosser!" she snapped at him angrily. "Fix this Sirius Black! You can't just fuck around with her." And with that Mary stomped away leaving Sirius in awe. Had Mary Macdonald really just slapped him?

"Do you fancy her then?" Pandora asked.

"No! I don't fucking fancy her Panda!" Sirius practically shouted as he jumped up from his seat. "If anyone else would like to hit me go right a head" Sirius said.

"Well if the offer stands-" Serena Penrose said beginning to stand up.

"Never mind!" Sirius shouted at her incredulously as if what she was doing was completely crazy and with that he rushed off up the stairs to the boys dormitory.

(Lily)

Lily watched Sirius storm off as her, Brooke and Pandora all sat there with looks of complete shock across their faces. This had been an eventful day. After a few minutes Mary reproached the group looking rather frazzled her face flushed bright red.

"Hello beautiful" James said walking over towards the girls and kissing Lily on the cheek affectionately. Remus and Peter followed behind him none of them having any idea what had just occurred.

"James..." She began to say when Remus cut her off.

"Where's Sirius?" For the first time Lily could remember Brooke Douglas was completely speechless.

"Can we all go somewhere quiet to talk?" Mary requested. Everyone looked from one another before there was a shared nod and the group headed from the Common Room where the Marauders led them into a deserted sixth floor corridor.

"What's up?" James asked immediately.

"Do you remember that conversation we had in the carriage?" Lily asked the three boys whom all nodded while her friends looked confused as ever.

"No, no none of this keeping us three in the dark" Brooke said getting her voice back. "What was talked about in the carriage?"

"Well...Bindie she admitted to having noticed Sirius has some feelings for Marlene..." Remus started to say but Pandora cut him off.

"What is this shagging business? I thought Marly was a virgin?" Everyone looked at one another with nervous stares.

"Not anymore I suppose..." Peter spoke up not meeting Pandora's eyes.

"So Sirius fancies Marlene then? Is that what this is all about?" Brooke asked impatiently.

"Supposedly Bindie spent their entire date analyzing him and claims he couldn't take his eyes off of Marlene and that she believes the only reason Sirius asked her to Hogsmeade so suddenly was to distract himself from his feelings for McKinnon." All of the girls looked from one to another obviously trying to figure out if any of the others had noticed this.

"Well...do you think she's right?" Mary asked, the first one to speak up.

"If we're being completely honest...yeah" James said with a shrug of his shoulders. "We always catch him staring at her and Bindie told us that Sirius didn't ask her out till the Halloween Feast while he'd told us about having some special date to Hogsmeade at breakfast." Mary nodded her head.

"Not to mention the fact that he told us this right after we had been teasing him about staring at Marlene and James had even suggested he ask Marlene to Hogsmeade" Peter added.

"Marlene's eyes are always wandering to Sirius..." Pandora admitted.

"This all makes sense now! That night in the common room a few weeks back Sirius came and asked Marlene for a word and they were all smiley..." Brooke said, more to herself than the others.

"I just can't believe that they shagged twice...Did Sirius leave her alone both times?" Lily asked not quite sure if she wanted to know the answer. James nodded his head regretfully and she couldn't help but cringe a little. Marlene didn't deserve that. She hated the thought of her friend being left alone to wake up feeling dirty and gross.

"He left her!" Mary gawked. "I mean...that's really awful." She looked down at her hands with an expression of deep thought.

"Well then we're all agreed? They almost certainly fancy each other, correct?" Asked James. After a moment the entire group nodded.

"I mean...McKinnon and Black, who saw that coming?" Asked Brooke in dismay.

(Marlene)

Marlene was lying across her bed resting on her stomach as she tried to read a muggle novel her mother had bought her for her birthday that summer. It was about a boy and a girl who loved each other but no matter how much they cared for one another they could never be together because it was the type of love that just needed distance and so although they spent the rest of their lives in love with one another he married a young doctor while she married an artist and they would write to each other and tell one another how much they loved each other but they never said I miss you because they knew in their hearts that all though their love was passionate and all consuming it did not give them happiness and so they could never work and missing one another just made things complicated.

Marlene found herself crying as she flipped through the finally pages of the book because all she could think about was Sirius and how he made her feel. The women in the book, Anna, when she described her feelings towards Julian, Marlene felt herself thinking of how she felt towards Sirius. Every detail of Anna's description just reminded her of the way she felt every time Sirius entered a room.

Because just like Anna with Julian Marlene could not take her eyes off of Sirius. He did not make her feel like a stupid child he made her feel safe and strong. He made her want to fight for that better tomorrow that was so often promised as the days grew darker and Voldemort stronger. Marlene wanted to fight when she was around Sirius, she wanted to prove that she was strong and powerful because that was the way Sirius made her feel. Not little and scared the way some boys could make you feel as they wrapped their arms around you.

When Sirius' sad grey eyes met her blue ones she didn't feel worried anymore because she knew, she knew that brighter days were ahead of her because she felt confident and strong. Voldemort was no one in the path of Marlene McKinnon. Marlene knew what she was going to do when she left Hogwarts. She wouldn't join the Ministry or become a teacher, nothing usual like that no Marlene was going to fight. Till she watched Voldemort fall Marlene vowed to fight. She no longer felt worried or unsure of what came next she knew with certainty she'd find an army to join and fight to the death.

(Sirius)

Sirius lay awake in bed not even trying to sleep. He didn't want to he just wanted to set off the illusion that he was. Sirius would be happy if he never had to see Bindie Andrews again. She'd humiliated him in front of his friends not to mention Marlene's little event in the Common Room. To say the least this had been a humiliating and eventful day. From catching Marlene with Damien Mattleson to getting slapped in the middle of the Common Room Sirius was ready for tomorrow.

Marlene's words still rang through his head as she'd whispered them to him her lips close enough that she could feel her warm breath against his skin. Sirius just needed a Marlene McKinnon vacation. His sad attempt at distracting himself from her had failed and he was beginning to feel rather desperate. Sirius just wanted away from these feelings. These butterflies in his stomach and the protectiveness he felt surrounding Marlene. He was done.

Sirius was tired of feeling this way. He was tired of feeling anything for Marlene at all and after today's events he didn't see why he should have much interest in it. Sirius sighed heavily as he rolled over in bed mentally deciding for himself that he was finished with trying to distract himself from these feelings or trying to ignore them he was done with them all in all. He had no interest in Marlene McKinnon or the little games she played. Sirius was done and soon he hoped his feelings would follow as well.

* * *

And so The Gryffindor Seventh years all went to sleep that night their minds alive and buzzing.

_Marlene McKinnon_ went to bed thinking of the future. She thought of the battle she was ready to begin fighting and the inner warrior rising from within her.

_Lily Evans_ was thinking of the first time she knew she was in love with James Potter.

_Brooke Douglas_ was wondering what it felt like to be in love.

_Mary MacDonald_ was curious as to if Marlene and Sirius would ever be able to accept their feelings for each other.

_Pandora Thompson_ wondered if she was in love with her boyfriend.

_Peter Pettigrew_ was contemplating whether he'd ever find love.

_Remus Lupin_ was wondering if Sirius lacked the courage to be in love.

_James Potter_ was wondering if his best mate loved Marlene enough to let his walls come down.

_Sirius Black_ was finished. Finished with Marlene McKinnon and all this stupid love business for good.

* * *

_That chapter was a bit longer than the usual! I hope it was good and a little bit different from what I usually write. Reviews are love so if you can send one it'd be amazing! Thanks for reading. x_


	7. At Ease

_April 15th 1978_

Her lips were pale and her face a rosy red colour as Marlene McKinnon made her way through the cold April rain towards Sirius Black's Diagon Alley flat. The hood of her black cloak was pulled up all the way to protect her long blonde locks from being soaked.

She tapped on his door hard three times waiting patiently for the sound of pounding feet as he came to answer.

"Look who couldn't resist" Sirius grinned as he swung the door open to reveal a very wet Marlene McKinnon.

"Oh shut it Black are you going to let me in or what?" She snapped at him stepping by the tall shaggy haired Sirius and pulling the dripping hood of her cloak down.

"I just..." Marlene sighed heavily. "I just got back from a mission and I didn't know where else to go." Sirius nodded his head the amused expression previously on his face now vanished.

"You didn't want to go home?" he asked her curiously. Marlene leaned against the wall to support her aching leg.

"No I...I didn't want to be alone." Sirius nodded his head as Marlene removed her cloak exposing her less than clean clothes, which included a few tears in them.

"Mar..." Sirius began to say worriedly but Marlene just shook her head.

"I'm fine," she sighed closing her eyes for a few moments as she tried to collect her breaths. When she opened them again Sirius was standing only a few inches away from her his grey eyes filled with worry.

"You can stay here as long as you need to" he said to her taking hold of her hand if only for a few seconds.

"Sorry about that stupid fight-" Marlene began to mumble but Sirius just shook his head.

"Already forgotten. You know what you need though?" Marlene raised her eyebrow curiously. "A cigarette." She rolled her eyes.

"You missed your smoking buddy didn't you?" Marlene said with a small smirk. Sirius just stuck his tongue out at her before leading her into the living room and grabbing the pack of cigarettes he had lying across his coffee table. "The nice thing about not being at Hogwarts" Marlene began to say as Sirius lit the cigarette in her hand for her. "Is that we don't have to worry about sneaking around to smoke." Sirius chuckled.

"Please I was smoking anywhere I wanted before you even knew how to take a decent drag." Marlene grinned.

"I learned from the best though didn't I?" Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

"Suppose you could say that" he laughed as the pair sat there a cloud of smoke surrounding them.

* * *

As November was coming to a close Marlene could practically smell Christmas. She went home for the holidays every year, seeing as she had a fairly large family that missed her when she didn't attend. The only thing Marlene missed terribly about Hogwarts when she was away was the way it looked in the snow, it'd always been her favourite.

So of course when Marlene woke up on the Saturday of November Twenty Third and caught sight of the falling snow outside she changed into the clothes nearest to her and rushed outside.

It was colder than it had been all winter but Marlene could care less as she watched the snow-fall from the sky admirably as if she were a young child. So much had happened in the last month. Marlene had become much closer with Damien Mattleson, she hadn't spoken to Sirius Black since the Hogsmeade trip and her friends were all acting quite strangely any time the two were in the same vicinity but Marlene could care less because for now she was watching the snow fall across the Hogwarts grounds and it was a beautiful Saturday morning.

Everything was quiet and still just the way Marlene liked it, that's when she noticed him. He was sitting against the tree near the Black Lake smoking a cigarette, Sirius Black. Marlene hadn't spoken to him in a good two, almost three, weeks. _What was there to say?_ He didn't love her and she had Damien to worry about now. Not that the two were official or anything.

Against her better judgment she approached him, but _everything_ Marlene did with Sirius always seemed to be against better judgment. She looked down at him for a moment before taking a seat not a word spoken between the two.

"What are you doing?" he finally asked her not even bothering to look over at her.

"Sitting down next to you. Jezz Sirius you're really not great at friendly greetings" Marlene joked trying to crack the tension.

"Never was my strong suit when it came to people that weren't my friends" Marlene looked up at him feeling a little hurt.

"Not your friend?" she asked him trying not to display her emotions on her face. "That's sweet of you."

"What do you want then Marlene?" Sirius snapped at her. "You haven't bothered to talk to me in two weeks what's changed your mind so suddenly?" Marlene just wanted to punch him in the face sometimes. Sirius could be so daft, _didn't he get it?_ Didn't he understand the way he made her feel?

"Honestly Sirius don't act so innocent in all this you're just as guilty as I am in this situation. You haven't bothered to talk to me once since that incident in the Common Room-"

"Oh right you mean where you embarrassed me in front of all your friends?" Marlene laughed humorlessly.

"Oh right...I thought it was that time that you were discussing our fucking with Lily hu? Or wait was it my tits? Whatever they both kind of merge together don't they," Marlene said coldly. Sirius looked at a loss for words as they both just sat there furious with the other.

"I'm not going to apologize" Sirius said like a young child.

"Neither am I so why don't we just accept it and move on? Accept that we fucked twice and it was a month ago and it doesn't quite matter anymore." Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

"What ever" he replied putting up his wall as usual. "I don't care." Marlene just rolled her eyes. Sirius could be so stubborn but she wouldn't give up. She doubted she ever would.

"How old were you when you started smoking?" she asked curiously, quickly changing the subject.

"Fifteen" Sirius said taking a long drag.

"Why?" Marlene pressed.

"Because it is the only time when I feel totally at ease, when I'm smoking a cigarette" Marlene just nodded her head slowly. That sounded nice, having that one thing that gave you total peace. Marlene didn't exactly have one thing like that.

"It'll kill you though, you won't be at ease then" Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

"We're all gonna die anyway." Marlene eyed his cigarette with curiosity wondering what it felt like taking in long drags of it.

"Do you want one?" Sirius finally asked her. There was a long pause as Marlene thought about his question.

"No" she finally answered. "I am interested in living into my 50s."

"Speak for yourself" Sirius replied blowing a large puff of smoke into Marlene's face and making her laugh.

"I'm going to go get some breakfast," she said now standing up from her spot on the grass.

"Okay" Sirius replied as he looked out across the lake.

"Okay" said Marlene before turning around and heading off back towards the castle.

* * *

"I'm just saying what the hell I'm I expected to wear to a winter wedding!" Brooke complained to Lily. Marlene was sitting with the two girls around the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common room.

"It doesn't really matter what you wear Brooke its Alice's wedding" Lily sighed as the two argued about Alice and Frank's upcoming union.

"It matters to my date" Brooke said sounding offended.

"Of course you have a date" Lily sighed sitting back in her chair.

"Well you all have dates don't you?" Snapped Brooke. "You're going to go with James and Panda has Kyle and Mary will pair up with Remus for all the dancing as usual and Marlene has Damien-"

"Damien's not coming" Marlene cut in, the first she'd had to say the entire conversation.

"Why not? He's your 'sort of' boyfriend isn't he?" Marlene laughed at Brooke's comment.

"Well my 'sort of' boyfriend happens to be going away with his family for the holidays so I will be dateless." Lily gave Brooke a pointed stare and the young brunette crossed her arms.

"I'm still bringing a date." She pouted.

"What's up with you and Damien anyway?" Asked Lily, changing the subject skillfully.

"We're just...experimenting" Marlene said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Experimenting?" Brooke asked skeptically. "That never turns out well..."

"Have you kissed?" Asked Lily sitting up a little straighter in her chair.

"I mean...yeah a guess..." Marlene said nervously.

"You guess!" both girls asked in shock. Marlene didn't exactly feel comfortable discussing the state of her relationship with Damien with her friends. They weren't official and she figured it was mostly her fault. Every time the topic arose she hopped around it. The truth was Marlene didn't want anything serious she didn't want to have to settle down and say she was Damien's girlfriend. It was easier this way, for both of them.

"Why are you guys she interested in my relationship anyway? You've been acting so strangely these past few weeks..." Lily bit her lip nervously and Marlene knew who the easier target would be immediately. "What aren't you telling me?" She asked her friends. "You're hiding something."

"No we're not" Brooke replied with confidence, always the amazing liar. Marlene turned her large puppy dog eyes on Lily begging her for information.

"Come on Lil" she pouted. "You know I hate secrets." Lily played with her hair nervously spinning it round and round her finger.

"Well...the night of the Hogsmeade trip when you said those things about Sirius in the common room" Lily began, turning to Brooke for support.

"Well right after that the entire gang, including the Marauders, got together and discussed everything we knew-" Brooke said before Marlene cut her off.

"You guys got together and gossiped about Sirius and I?" Marlene asked incredulously.

"No!" Lily snapped immediately. "Of course not! We were just talking because well you two haven't been the most honest with us and we were all quite confused and we think that you guys fancy each other-"

"That's none of your fucking business!" Marlene bellowed. Suddenly she felt like an ant under a magnifying glass with all of her friends staring down at her examining all of her relationships. "So what? You all think I'm leading Damien on then?" Lily opened her mouth to protest but Brooke cut her off.

"Oh come on Marly there's a reason you refuse to committee to him" Marlene glared at her friend with fury in her eyes. _How dare she._

"So that's what you think of me then? 'there goes slutty Marlene leading on that Ravenclaw boy'" Marlene yelled blowing the situation a little out of proportion. A few heads turned in the common room and Lily and Brooke looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Marlene stop" Lily said in a hushed tone. "You're acting as if it's so terrible for us to notice that two of our friends obviously have feelings for one another."

"Maybe you're so upset because you know we're right," Brooke said making an extremely valid point that Marlene refused to accept.

"Oh fuck you Brooke," she snapped at her friend standing up and shooting both of the girls the dirtiest looks she could muster. "You don't even know how to fancy someone and for you Lily how dare you judge me when you liked James for months before you finally admitted it and dated two boys in between it!" Marlene then stormed out of the Common Room leaving both of her friends in shock.

(Sirius)

Sirius lay across one of the benches in the courtyard staring up at the sky admirably. He was just having one of those days when nothing seemed to matter. He felt numb and cold, that was until Marlene McKinnon stormed out into the courtyard in a flurry. She didn't notice him at first, her arms crossed against her chest as she shivered a little obviously having forgotten how cold it was outside.

"Need a jacket?" Sirius called out startling her. She jumped a little her large blue eyes darting towards him. She waited a moment before nodding her head and slowly approaching Sirius who shrugged off his own coat and swung it over her shoulders.

"Thanks" she mumbled letting out a heavy sigh. He could tell she was upset about something, _maybe a fight with Damien?_ Sirius hated how happy the thought made him. "Sirius?" Marlene finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Mm?" he replied looking up at her from his position on the bench.

"Do you still have that pack of cigarettes on you?" Sirius nodded his head sitting up and grabbing the pack from his pocket pulling one out and handing it towards Marlene.

"Thanks" she said just staring down at the thin white stick in her hand, not even bothering to light it.

"Are you going to light that?" Sirius asked her unsure of her motives. Marlene shook her head.

"No, not yet." Sirius just nodded. Marlene McKinnon made his head spin. "I'm waiting..." Marlene just sat across from Sirius on the bench staring off distantly. "I should go..." she finally said hurriedly. Sirius just sat there his mouth gaping open. He had no clue what to say. "I have to find Damien..." and then she was gone and Sirius was left but at least he no longer felt cold and numb.

(Marlene)

Marlene approached the Ravenclaw tower standing in front of the portrait hole unsurely. She was waiting for someone to go in or out so she could ask them to grab Damien for her. She stood outside for a good ten minutes before a first year approached the portrait hole.

"Can you do me a favour?" Marlene asked her startling the little girl a bit. She looked up nervously. "Can you tell Damien Mattleson that Marlene is outside and wants to speak with him?" The girl gulped nervously before nodding her head. She answered a question for the portrait hole and entered leaving Marlene alone again.

It was a few moments before Damien surfaced giving Marlene a large grin.

"Hey" he said placing a kiss on her cheek. "What's up?"

"Does it bother you?" she asked him abruptly. "Us not being official?" Damien raised his eyebrow curiously.

"Where is this coming from?" he asked.

"Please" Marlene begged waiting for his answer. Damien sighed heavily just staring at her for a few seconds.

"No" he finally said. "It's kind of...refreshing. I don't have to worry about anniversary's or making sure that I see you every single day...it's nice." Marlene nodded her head remaining extremely mysterious.

"Does it bother you?" Damien finally asked her.

"No" she said with a small smile. "I feel the same way...I just...I wanted to make sure I wasn't just pulling you along and not considering your feelings" Damien smiled.

"Well you're not." Marlene just nodded her head.

"Okay" she said taking a step closer and placing a warm palm against his cheek. "That's good." Damien leaned in and kissed her wrapping his arms around her lower back and pulling her in close. _He's a good kisser_ Marlene thought to herself, even though they'd done this numerous times before.

After what felt like hours Marlene pulled away from the kiss with a large grin across her face "I should go." she said her cheeks flushed bright pink and a new hop to her step.

"Okay" Damien chuckled giving her another quick peck before the two headed off in their separate directions.

Marlene headed back towards the Gryffindor Tower as the sunset and Hogwarts was covered in an orange like colour. When Marlene got back to the common room her friends had all already gone down to dinner and so she went up to their Dorm instead pulling open the window across from her bed and lighting the cigarette Sirius had given her earlier.

Her first inhale was the hardest and she found herself gasping for air and coughing up a storm but soon after her lungs became used to the toxic substance she was inhaling and her entire body relaxed as she blew the large clouds of smoke out into the cool November air.

Marlene wasn't sure if she felt at ease because of the cigarette or because she felt like this was now something her and Sirius shared. He could take a break from reality and grab a smoke and now she could too, she could find his peace in this small action. For once in weeks Marlene didn't feel guilty for caring about both Sirius and Damien and she wasn't worried about the disagreement she'd gotten in with her friends either because she knew when she went down to the Great Hall for dinner they'd all apologize to each other and she would say she was sorry for overreacting and that she loved them, because she really did.

Then Brooke would begin to complain about what she was to wear to Alice and Frank's wedding and the rest of the girls would join in but Marlene was almost certain she'd look down the table at Sirius and a smile would creep up upon her face as she remembered this moment, in the dorm room, as she inhaled and exhaled the smoke and for just a little while felt at peace and that was because of Sirius. Because she could find peace in the same things he could.

So after a few more minutes Marlene tossed her cigarette butt out the window and headed down to the Great Hall feeling at ease.


	8. A Holiday Affair Pt 1

"I can't be believe it's already Christmas break!" fussed Lily to her four roommates. Marlene was lying across her bed already dressed and ready for bed. Tomorrow morning she was taking the train back home to London. Everyone in the dorm was going home except for Pandora whose parents had gone away for the holidays and couldn't take her.

"This is it..." said Brooke in an unusually sorrowful voice. "Half a year left and we're done with Hogwarts...merlin." There was a shared silence through the room as the four girls all thought about their rapidly approaching futures.

"Well I'm going to get a job at the Prophet" said Pandora matter of factually. "I'll get myself a column."

"I hope to find a job somewhere in Diagon Alley, maybe open up my own shop one day" mused Mary.

"I plan to work on the fashion section of Witches Weekly," said Brooke with pride.

"Merlin of course you are" Lily chuckled shaking her head. "I think I might find a nice job at the ministry." The girls all turned to Marlene now who hadn't laid out her plans for the future yet. Marlene was at a loss for words. She had no plans for the future, other than her hopes to fight but she would just sound foolish saying that.

"I'm not sure..." Marlene mumbled. "Maybe an auror or something." Lily didn't look very convinced.

"Marly you don't quite take the right courses for that I mean you dropped potions in sixth year-"

"It really doesn't matter," snapped Marlene catching everyone by surprise. "Anyway I'm really tired I think I'll just go to bed" and with that Marlene drew the curtains around her bed in a huff.

She didn't mean to be such a bitch it was only that the thought of the future worried her. She knew she wanted to fight, but what if that didn't work out as she planned? What happened when she needed money to pay for a house or food? What was she going to work as? What did the future even hold? It terrified her. Would she get married? Did she still love Sirius? What would happen with Damien and her? Marlene fell asleep that night with too many questions and too little time.

* * *

"The carriages are starting to head down to Hogsmeade!" Filch called out to all of the Hogwarts students getting ready to depart for the train. Marlene turned to Damien, whom she'd been standing with, giving him a large cheerful grin.

"I wish we were taking the train together...can't you just come home for Christmas?" Said Marlene sadly.

"I wish, but even a train ride with you couldn't persuade me from a Hogwarts Christmas. They're a tradition to me and this is my last year." Marlene frowned.

"Well I can't help but be insulted. Have a good holidays alright?" Damien nodded his head, before giving Marlene a soft kiss on the top of her forehead.

"You too sweetheart" and with a final hug the two parted. Marlene had absolutely no idea where Lily had wandered off to but she assumed her tall red headed friend would be spending the train ride back with James. As for Brooke and Mary they were nowhere to be found but Marlene was sure she'd locate them once they all boarded the train.

"Sad to be parting with your boyfriend for the break are you?" A familiar voice asked sarcastically. Marlene looked up to see Sirius standing there beside her.

"He's not my boyfriend," she snapped at him. "And yeah, he's fun to spend time with." Sirius just nodded his head. "I'm surprised to see you going home," Marlene said to him now, trying to keep some form of conversation going.

"Well James offered and I said yes. Besides his parents love me." Marlene couldn't help but laugh. The two of them walked down outside in silence and just as Marlene was about to head in the direction of her friends Sirius spoke up. "Take a carriage with me?" He asked her. The question took Marlene by surprise. The two didn't talk much and when they did it wasn't more than a few words. Things always felt tense between them especially with Damien in the picture.

"Uh...yeah, sure" Marlene said stumbling over her words as she let Sirius heave her trunk up into the carriage before the both climbed in.

"So if he isn't your boyfriend what's the deal with you and Damien?" Sirius asked as their carriage began to pull away from Hogwarts.

"We're just...taking things slow, no commitments." Sirius looked at Marlene blankly. "I don't know, neither of us really wants to get into a serious relationship so we're just...experimenting."

"That sounds messy," said Sirius, bluntly.

"How so?" Asked Marlene skeptically. She couldn't see anything messy about it.

"There's no commitments and no lines drawn so eventually one of you is going to end up hooking up with someone else and the other person will get upset because no commitments is messy, someone always gets hurt." Marlene laughed humorlessly.

"Well you should be the expert on that." Sirius turned to look at Marlene his expression unreadable.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Marlene merely rolled her eyes.

"Oh please you know exactly what it means, no commitments, someone always gets hurt tell me that isn't exactly what happened between us-"

"Marlene we were only ever friends-"

"Bullshit!" Marlene shouted a little too loudly. "That's bullshit Sirius and you know it! You knew I liked you, you knew it the moment we had that first talk outside the portrait hole." Sirius' face was growing read and he looked angry.

"I'm not going to fight with you anymore Marlene" he said seriously. "I'm sick of this." Marlene just sat back in her seat crossing her arms.

The rest of the ride the two remained completely silent not speaking another word all the way to the train. Once Marlene had yanked her trunk out of the carriage she rushed off, far away from Sirius whom she could hardly stand at the moment. Luckily it didn't take long to find the compartment Brooke and Mary were in, joined by James and Lily. Marlene shoved her trunk above their seats heatedly before tossing some of her blond hair behind her shoulder and sitting down beside Mary in a huff.

"Is everything alright Marly-" began Lily.

"I don't want to talk about it" Marlene snapped.

"Did you and Damien get in a fight?" Mary tried.

"Did you not just hear what I said?" Marlene asked angrily taking a jab at Mary now as well.

There was silence for a few seconds before she heard Brooke whisper, "It's Sirius" to the rest of the group. Marlene passed her a cold glare before turning back to face the window.

* * *

_Sirius_

Sirius' mood was lacking after his less than enjoyable carriage ride with Marlene. Lately it seemed every interaction they had included them getting into some sort of argument over something stupid. Sirius was tired of it and he blamed Marlene's new love interest. He just couldn't figure out what she wanted from him, or maybe he could and just didn't want to give it to her.

"Hullo Padfoot" Peter said cheerfully as Sirius entered the compartment he was currently sharing with Remus.

"Where's James?" Sirius snapped at his friend rudely.

"With Lily he said he'd come over here in a little bit...is something wrong?" Peter asked changing his tone of voice now.

"No, why would something be wrong?" Asked Sirius defensively. Remus now looked up at him curiously.

"I saw you get in a carriage with Marlene McKinnon." Sirius just shrugged his shoulders.

"Well that was an awful idea don't know why I did it in the first place." Sirius' friends gave him worrisome looks as if they had questions they wanted to ask but were too afraid to speak up.

"Why don't you just tell her?" Remus finally asked. Sirius looked up at him confused by his question.

"Tell her what-"

"That you like her" Remus said sternly. Sirius opened his mouth to defend himself and deny his feelings but it was pointless. He was tired of lying to everyone, including himself.

"Because" Sirius sighed, "I don't know how to be in love with anyone. I'm only going to break her heart."

"It's too late to worry about that Padfoot," said Remus honestly.

"I don't think so, her hearts not broken now. She just thinks it is. In a year or two she won't even remember why she liked me I'll just be that guy she distantly remembers having a thing for in her seventh year. She doesn't love me." Peter and Remus shared a look before both turning back to Sirius.

"Yes she does," they said in unison.

"Sirius you were the first guy she ever shagged, she's not going to forget you. I mean I just don't think you see it you're crazy about her and I know for sure because you remind me of James when he was pining over Lily." Remus said earnestly.

"Rubbish" said Sirius shaking his head.

"You can't keep your eyes off of her whenever you two are in the same vicinity" Remus said matter of factually.

"If you can bring her up in a conversation you always bring her up." Peter pitched in.

"You're always talking about how much you hate Damien."

"If there's a chance for you to be near her you take it."

"You're only really coming home with James so you can see her at Alice and Frank's wedding."

"Did we mention that you can't take your eyes off of her?"

"Face it," said Peter finally. "You've fallen for Marlene McKinnon." Sirius rolled his eyes even though he knew everything his friends were saying was true.

"You two have officially lost it" he joked trying to take some of the heat off of him.

"Ask her to the wedding" Remus said much more seriously now. "You don't want to wait so long you find out you've lost your chance."

* * *

_Marlene_

"I'll see you at the wedding Saturday right?" Lily asked as her and Marlene hoped off the train that had pulled into Kings Cross station a mere five minutes before. Marlene nodded her head.

"Yeah, I'll see you there, Lils" she said giving her friend a final hug before she rushed through the brick wall she knew so very well. On the other end stood Marlene's father a large grin across his face.

"Dad!" she called out rushing into his arms immediately. Her father held her tight lifting her off the ground a little.

"Oh Mar we missed you!" he cooed giving her a big kiss on the cheek. "Wait till the rest of the family sees you!"

Marlene's father helped her carry her trunk out to the car and the two were on the road in a matter of minutes heading back home. Marlene found it strange sometimes to travel from the wizarding world back out to the muggle one. The only one she'd known at one point. There was a time in Marlene's life were her future merely consisted of going to university, getting a job, and getting married. The wizarding world almost felt as if it offered more than that.

Marlene watched through the passenger window as her father drove through her old neighborhood, the one she'd grown up in. She recognized the park she'd played in as a child and the houses of her old friends. Friends who thought she went to a boarding school somewhere in Scotland. Marlene had, had a best friend, Grace, at muggle school but after going to Hogwarts it'd been close to impossible to keep in touch and how could she even begin to understand Grace's life when she would constantly be thinking about how terribly boring it was? How could they ever have a proper friendship if Marlene was always worried about slipping up on her secret other world? It was pointless.

"Home sweet home" Marlene's Father said as he pulled into the driveway of the home Marlene had grown up in. it was large and generic, a good fit for a family of five. The house looked just as it had the last time she'd left it, besides the very small amount of snow on the front lawn.

Marlene rushed out of the car, forgetting her trunk, and ran in the front door.

"I'm home!" she called out excitedly as she rushed in.

"My baby!" she heard her mother call out immediately, rushing out from the kitchen. Carol McKinnon was, a petite, fifty-year-old women who'd spent her entire life raising three energetic children who never let her take a rest. It was amazing that she still let them come back home. Carol looked much like her daughter, containing her large blue eyes and dazzling smile. Although unlike Marlene she had light brown hair, with streaks of grey in it that she usually kept pulled back in a loose bun.

If anyone asked her Marlene would probably say she took mostly after her father, Michael, who had short blonde hair and greenish-blue eyes.

"Oh Mar I can't believe how grown up you are! Look at you, oh you're gorgeous" cooed her mother. "I hope they're feeding you enough at that school of yours-"

"Mom" sighed Marlene with a slight roll of her eyes.

"Marly!" a new voice called out and Marlene looked up the stairs to see her sister, Lauren, racing down them. Lauren had blonde hair, much like Marlene, but without the curls her sister's so wonderfully held. Lauren was nineteen, two years older than Marlene, and the definition of adventurous. From the moment she'd turned eighteen Lauren had gone out into the world making her mark as she traveled around developed countries volunteering and helping to teach or build homes. Marlene couldn't help but be envious of her at times.

"Look whose arrived" Marlene watched her final family member strut down the stairs behind her sister.

"Charlie" Marlene grinned giving her older brother a large hug. Charlie looked just like Mrs. McKinnon with his light brown hair and glistening blue eyes, he was a stunner. All of the McKinnon's were, they were unique.

"I'm so happy to have everyone home for the holidays!" Mrs. McKinnon beamed smiling at her children who were currently all embracing.

"I'd be happier if Charlie didn't eat all the cookies," said Lauren shooting her brother an angry look.

"Maybe if Lauren could just take a pill-" Charlie began. Marlene couldn't help but smile.

"Oh the joy of being home" she joked, before lugging her trunk up the stairs towards her bedroom.

It'd been three days since Marlene had come home and the day had finally arrived for Alice and Frank's wedding. Marlene had bought herself a tight fitting long sleeved gold dress that she was wearing with black tights and sparkly heels. Marlene felt beautiful as she apparated out in front of the Longbottom's home where the wedding was being held in a large tent.

Marlene looked around searching for a familiar face in the crowd of people finding themselves seats.

"McKinnon," Marlene turned around to see Sirius standing beside her clad in dress robes and a bow tie. Marlene opened her mouth to speak but before she could get a word out Sirius had cut her off. "I don't want to fight with you Marly, not today. Lets call a truths, or something along that line?" Marlene just stared at Sirius for a few moments, an unreadable expression across her face. She wasn't sure what to think of Sirius' social mood or his distaste for arguing.

"It's all we do Sirius" Marlene said with a heavy sigh.

"I know."

"I'm tired of getting in these moods."

"I know."

"So I guess...yes, to the truths, and would you like to come sit with me?" Sirius nodded his head.

"Yeah, James headed off to find Lily so I'm all alone." There was an empty silence for a few moments as the two located good seats and got comfortable before Sirius spoke up again. "You look beautiful," he said finally. Marlene wasn't quite sure how to respond. It wasn't like him to talk like this or give her compliments.

"Thanks" Marlene said with a simple smile. It was hard for her not to notice how great Sirius' looked himself. He was attractive, it was undeniable and Marlene hated it. She hated the feeling she got in the pit of her stomach when she caught him flirting with other girls or when she head girls gossiping about him. Sometimes she wished she could keep him all to herself, but it didn't work that way. Because Sirius was single, and Sirius didn't want Marlene. So instead of saying anything else Marlene sat back in her chair and waited for the ceremony to begin.

Within few minutes the band had began to play and Alice made her way down the aisle looking as elegant as ever. Her dress was beautiful but simple with a long train and long silky sleeves. The ceremony was only thirty minutes long and soon the tent had been transformed into a reception room with floating trays of champagne and a dance floor.

"There you two are!" Lily and James called out rushing towards Marlene and Sirius.

"Doesn't Alice look beautiful?" Lily asked Marlene with a large grin.

"Yes! Her dress is absolutely gorgeous, and the hair! She's let it get so long!" Lily nodded her head.

"Hey!" Sirius called out as a tray of champagne floated by. "How about a drink?" The four of them grabbed a flute clinking them and calling out "cheers!" in unison.

"Dance with me" Marlene heard James whisper in Lily's ear as a slow paced song began to play. The two of them headed out onto the dance floor holding each other tight and dancing closely beside Alice and Frank.

Marlene watched admirably jealous of their chemistry and their love. She wanted that.

"Do you want to dance?" Sirius asked her suddenly, catching Marlene off guard.

"You want to dance?" she asked him with a questionable look.

"Just dance with me McKinnon" Sirius said placing down his flute of champagne on a vacant table. Marlene followed his lead letting him guide her onto the dance floor.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked bluntly. Sirius sighed heavily just staring into Marlene's eyes.

"I'm not really that bad-"

"Sirius" Marlene said sternly. "You really hurt me." He nodded his head more slowly.

"I know," he finally said. "I'm sorry." Marlene could barely gather her words. Sirius was sorry? He'd apologized. She didn't think he'd ever say those two words. She didn't think she'd ever have the guts to really tell him how he'd made her feel. "I think...I do fucking stupid things," Sirius said not meeting Marlene's gaze. "And I hurt people because I don't really like feeling vulnerable and a lot of the time you make me feel...vulnerable and I hate it. I hate the way you make me feel Marlene and the feeling I get when I see you walking down the hallway or catch you laughing with Damien. I really fucking hate it." Marlene felt her large blue eyes filling with big blotchy tears as Sirius continued to speak.

"I didn't think you cared" she said now, her voice weak and quiet.

"It mattered to me Marlene, you mater to me." Marlene nodded her head before stretching up and kissing Sirius. It'd been months since they'd kissed last and she forgot how amazing he was. Damien was fine, he was a good kisser, but the feelings that were shared between Sirius and Marlene in a kiss was something entirely different. It was magnetic.

"I'm never going to want a relationship," Sirius said to her as they pulled apart. "I'm never going to want to committee." Marlene nodded her head.

"I know," she said cleaning the tears from under her eyes. "I know we'll never be...a couple, we'll never be James and Lily but I don't want that. I don't want some stupid relationship with some mediocre guy who isn't you." Sirius smiled.

"What about Damien?"

"Lets not think about Damien for tonight." Marlene said hugging Sirius tight. "I don't want to worry about it."

* * *

_Sirius_

By the time Marlene and Sirius were leaving the reception it was dark outside and they had snuck out a bottle of Firewhiskey, although they were already quite drunk as it was.

"Where to?" Sirius grinned as the two walked aimlessly.

"There" Marlene giggled pointing to a distant point. There was just a small area of grass across the field, nothing special but Sirius and Marlene approached it anyways settling down there and passing the bottle of Firewhiskey between them.

"We never do very well with Firewhiskey" Marlene said as Sirius took his sip before passing it back to her. He knew exactly what she meant but he didn't want to think about it.

"You have really pretty eyes," Sirius said, changing the subject. Marlene just chuckled looking at Sirius with a large smile.

"So do you," Sirius shook his head.

"No" he said softly. "I have the Black family eyes." Marlene shrugged her shoulders.

"Well they are beautiful but...you're not a Black." Sirius watched Marlene lay back across the grass so she was facing the sky. She looked peaceful.

"Why's that?" he asked curiously.

"Well for starters you're a Gryffindor, not very Black like of you. Then there is the fact that you're good, you help people, you understand what is right and what is wrong, you know how to love something." Sirius gave Marlene a quizzical look.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you love me," she said as she stared up at the stars. Sirius lay down beside her now a small smile on his face.

"Why do you think that?" Marlene now turned her head to face Sirius.

"Because you look at me like that." Sirius felt his cheeks heat up, although he wasn't sure if it was from Marlene's comment or the alcohol in his system.

"You love me to" Sirius said now as Marlene's hand found his in the grass.

"Yeah" she said softly. "I do." And then they were kissing and Marlene was on top of Sirius pulling at his shirt. It was cold outside but Sirius was sweating as Marlene slipped off his pants and her tights along with them.

* * *

_Marlene_

It was too cold outside to fall asleep or relax for a while. The moment Sirius and Marlene were done with their business they slipped their pants back on and apparated away together, the only reminder of them being there was an empty bottle of Firewhiskey rested in the grass.

Marlene and Sirius apparated to a back alley a few minutes away from Marlene's home so that no one noticed them.

"Your parents won't mind?" Sirius asked her unsurely.

"Nah, Lauren used to bring boys home all the time. I'll just tell them that you're sleeping on the floor beside the bed." Sirius nodded his head and Marlene led the way towards her large home. The house was dark except for a single lamp on in the living room. When the pair stepping inside they found Lauren, all ready for bed in her pajamas, simply reading a book.

"Hey" Marlene said stepping into the living room and smiling at her sister but Lauren had caught sight of Sirius and was looking from Marlene to him curiously. "This is um...Sirius, a friend from school." Lauren nodded her head slowly a mischievous look on her face.

"Nice to meet you Sirius" she said offering him her hand to shake. "I'm Lauren, Marlene's sister."

"So just tell mum Sirius is over if you see her in the morning before me and let her know he's sleeping on the floor, no worries." Lauren didn't look very convinced so Marlene leaned in a little closer and whispered, "don't worry he's gay," before the pair headed upstairs towards her bedroom.

"This is nice" Sirius said once Marlene had shut the door behind him.

"It's standard I suppose." Her room was girly to say the least. With white Christmas lights strung around it and a collection of photos hung up around it, some magical and some not.

"You're lucky" Sirius said, as Marlene caught him staring admirably at a photo of her with her family.

"Sirius..." Marlene started to say softly taking him by the hand. He just shook his head.

"I was never going to have...this. The kind of love you and James, and most children, grow up with." Marlene felt her eyes filling with tears as she listened to the pain in Sirius' voice.

"You do have a family," Marlene said giving his hand an affectionate squeeze. "You have me and the rest of the Marauders." Sirius wouldn't meet Marlene's eyes. "We'll always be your family." When he turned back to look at her his eyes were glassy. Marlene had never seen Sirius break down before, she'd hardly ever even made a dent in his tightly built wall but tonight seemed to be one to remember. She'd never felt so close to him before.

"What's going to happen when we go back to school?" he asked, his voice tear filled.

"We'll figure it out," Marlene said, simply. She didn't know what else she could say. Things were messy now, with Damien. She might love Sirius but it didn't mean she had no feelings for Damien, she cared about him too she liked him. "I just...I don't want to worry about it, not today. Lets just...lets go to sleep." Sirius nodded his head and so the two changed and curled up together in Marlene's bed her head rested on top of Sirius' chest and his hand tangled in her curls as they fell asleep.

* * *

_Sorry for the long overdue update but I didn't have much time on my hands! The second part to this chapter will be up shortly I just have to edit it. I hope you guys enjoy these next two chapters there is a lot of Sirius x Marlene drama to come ! xx _


	9. A Holiday Affair Pt 2

Marlene McKinnon woke up on a foggy Sunday morning. Her window was all frosted up and she could nearly feel the cold from outside. Marlene snuggled farther under the covers her body warm against Sirius. Her eyes wandered to the large clock rested on top of her bedside table only to see that it was twelve in the afternoon.

She looked up at Sirius to see him sleeping peacefully his entire body relaxed. Marlene felt guilty for having to wake him up. She rolled over so that she was right on top of him and moved her lips beside his ear.

"Sirius" she whispered a few times until he stirred.

"What are you doing?" he groaned tiredly as Marlene rolled back over to her previous spot on the bed.

"It's already twelve and I figure the Potters are going to want you back at their house sometime this afternoon-" Suddenly Sirius had bolted up so he was sitting, his back straight against the wall.

"Shit" he muttered running a hand through his hair. "Mrs. Potters going to kill me."

"Relax. We'll make some food and then you can head home, just tell her you were really drunk and it was easier to go to my place." Sirius nodded his head.

"All right...god I don't have anything to wear but that stupid tux" he said nodding towards the pile of clothes beside Marlene's bed. They'd both stripped down to there under garments before going to sleep, both of them too drunk to worry about clothes.

"I'll ask Charlie for some clothes-"

"Charlie?"

"My brother" Marlene clarified. "Charlie's the oldest, he's twenty one, and then there's Lauren who's two years older than me, and my mum and dad, Carol and Michael. Everyone's laid back so I doubt it'd be a problem at all." Sirius just nodded his head and Marlene climbed out of bed grabbing her navy blue robe from the closet. "Wait here" she said winking at Sirius before exiting the room. Charlie's bedroom was only two doors down and Marlene approached it hurriedly tapping on it lightly a few times.

"Come in" her brother called out. Marlene swung the door open to find him sitting on his bed reading a book.

"Could I borrow a pair of your jeans and a t-shirt?" She asked curiously. Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"Not quite sure they're your size-"

"They're not for me." She sighed. "My friend he stayed over-" Charlie gave her a stern look now. "He's gay" Marlene lied. "And he slept on the floor," a lie again.

"Whatever" Charlie finally said standing up and heading towards his dresser. "You're nearly eighteen do what you want." He tossed Marlene a Beatles T-shirt and some faded blue jeans before she headed off on her merry way back towards Sirius whom was still waiting patiently in her room.

After the pair of them were dressed and looked semi decent they headed downstairs towards the kitchen. Marlene hoped to find the first floor empty but had no such luck.

She found her mother washing dishes in the kitchen as she swayed her hips to the music coming from the radio.

"Morning mum" Marlene said causing her mother to stop abruptly.

"Sweetheart it's the middle of the afternoon you've missed morning by a long shot, now who's this?" she asked curiously turning her gaze to Sirius.

"This is Sirius Black, a friend from school." Mrs. McKinnon nodded her head before extending her slim and boney hand out for Sirius to shake.

"It's nice to meet you Sirius I'm Carol, Marlene's mother."

"Nice to meet you too" Sirius replied grinning widely at her.

"You two must be starving. What time did you get in from the wedding?" Marlene and Sirius shared a long look before Marlene replied.

"Sometime around three." Mrs. McKinnon just smiled and nodded her head not paying much attention to it.

"Anyways I'll make you two some lunch just go wait in the living room." Marlene nodded her head and gave her mother a quick pat on the shoulder before the two turned to leave the room.

"Marlene" her mother said suddenly. "Can I have a word with you quickly?" Marlene stayed back letting Sirius head off without her. Her mother turned to her with a serious look on her face. "Look I may seem like a silly old lady but I'm not. I know you're telling everyone in this house that your friend over there is gay but Lauren has been using that excuse on me from day one hon. I know you don't live under my roof very often but when you do it's my rules Mar and my rules are that there are no boys in your bed until you're out of school." Marlene nodded her head her cheeks flushed bright pink. She didn't like feeling as if she'd disappointed her mother.

"On another note" her mom now said much more brightly. "Sirius looks like a really good kid and he isn't hard on the eyes. I'll call you two when lunch is ready alright?"

"Yeah" Marlene said plainly, smiling at her mother before heading off to the living room.

"I don't think I'll ever understand how muggles enjoy TV" Sirius stated as Marlene entered the room.

"Why? Does this bother you?" Marlene said teasing walking over and turning the TV on to Sirius' distaste.

* * *

(_Sirius)_

"So Sirius Marlene hasn't told me much about you, do you think you'd be able to do the honor?" Mrs. McKinnon asked from across the kitchen table. She was sitting across from Sirius and Marlene as they both ate the sandwiches she'd just prepared.

"Well I always grew up in the wizarding world," Sirius said after swallowing a large bite. "I come from a very old wizarding family so I always knew I was going to end up going to Hogwarts. I never got along with my family very well and so when I was sixteen I left home and moved in with my best friend." Mrs. McKinnon was silent for a few moments and Sirius wasn't sure if he'd said too much.

"I'm sorry to hear about your family. What are you doing for Christmas?"

"I'll probably spend it at the Potters they're great people." Mrs. McKinnon nodded her head.

"Well you're always welcome to come here. You're the first boy Marlene's ever brought over-"

"Mum!" Marlene snapped her cheeks flushing.

"Am I wrong? It's nice to meet some of your friends. We'd love to have you over anytime Sirius." Mrs. McKinnon said giving him a warm smile.

It paid Sirius to see how warmly Carol interacted with her daughter. He wished his own mother had looked at him that way, with so much look and affection. Instead she sent him cold glares and bitter remarks.

"I should get going" Sirius said after taking the last bite of his sandwich. Marlene nodded her head and after thanking Mrs. McKinnon they both headed back upstairs so he could grab his things.

"I guess I'm not going to see you again until breaks over" she said with a fake pout.

"Rubbish. Come to James' New Years party. His parents throw one every year and I know Lily and the rest of the girls are coming." Marlene waited a moment before nodding her head.

"Yeah alright" she said as she led Sirius back downstairs towards the front door. "I guess I'll see you then."

"Bye" he said finally.

"Bye" She replied standing up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

**_When Sirius_ **got back to the Potters home James' mother rushed to the door a pointed look on her face.

"Where have you been?" she asked him sternly.

"I'm sorry, I was really drunk and so I just stayed over at Marlene McKinnon's for the night." He said apologetically. Mrs. Potter gave Sirius a hard look for only a moment longer before nodding her head.

"Well I suppose if you're all right it's no problem. James is upstairs," she said nodding her head towards the large staircase in the entrance way before she headed back off towards the kitchen.

Sirius clambered up the stairs lightly knocking on James' door before entering.

"You stayed at McKinnon's didn't you?" James asked him the moment he entered the room.

"Hello to you to" Sirius replied sarcastically, collapsing on his friend's bed.

"What happened between you two last night? When Lily and I left you were sitting around a table drinking champagne-"

"We shagged." Sirius said trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Again?" James asked incredulously. "Sirius she has a boyfriend-"

"Technically her and Damien aren't dating." Sirius said, turning to see James giving him a very unimpressed stare.

"Padfoot I thought you told me you were done fooling around with her-"

"I don't know." Sirius sighed.

" Well do you like her?" James asked, but Sirius just shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe...no...I have no idea. I just...when I'm with her things are I don't know just better. She makes me feel happy and its just...well I have absolutely no idea what it means."

"It means you like her" said James affirmatively. "You should tell her before it's too late." Sirius lay down on his back again staring up at the ceiling.

"What if it already is?"

* * *

_(Marlene)_

"You and Sirius?" Lily asked in disbelief as her and Marlene browsed the shops in Diagon Alley.

"Yes" Marlene repeated for the hundredth time.

"Jesus Marly what about Damien?" Marlene's stomach twisted nervously at the sound of Damien's name.

"I think well...me and Damien aren't official anyways so it shouldn't matter and I've shagged Sirius enough to know that it never means anything much to him. This'll probably be just like every other time. I'm done getting my hopes up." Lily's expression dropped noticeably.

"You really think this is just like the other times? I mean from what you tell me it sounds...different." Marlene shrugged her shoulders.

"Every time I get close to Sirius again he burns me. I'm just...I'm tired of getting my heart broken you know? Maybe it's best that I just stick with Damien-"

"And do what lie to him?" Lily asked skeptically. "Marly I don't mean to burst your bubble but Damien deserves the truth. You slept with Sirius and although you may not want to admit it you basically cheated on him." Marlene cringed at the word. She'd never meant to hurt Damien it had just all happened in the process.

"I'll just...talk things over with Sirius at the Potters New Years party tonight...I mean it's been a week since I've seen him and he hasn't written once so I can only assume he's over the whole thing."

"What ever you think is best Marly. Now lets go find you a dress before we run out of time" Lily said the two girls pushing the thought of boys from their minds and heading towards the nearest dress shop.

* * *

Marlene had never been to the Potters house before but the rumors around school hadn't been false, James Potter was rich. She stood outside for a few moments just staring up at the house after she'd apparated onto the property. It was three stories high and every room in the home seemed to be lit up for this party. Marlene took a deep breath before heading forward into the house. She'd come dressed in a short black cocktail dress, her hair all hanging over one shoulder with her curls tamed.

"Welcome Ms" a small house elf said opening the door for Marlene. "Can I take your coat?" Marlene had never seen someone with a house elf in there home before but then again she hadn't visited many wizarding households before either.

"Um...yeah I suppose so" she said passing her small black trench coat to the elf.

"Enjoy the party," the elf said with a warm smile as Marlene walked past it into the large entranceway of the home. The house was bustling with witches and wizards of all kinds. Everyone in the room seemed to be over the age of thirty and Marlene couldn't help but feel extremely out of place.

"McKinnon!" a familiar voice called out and Marlene turned around to find Brooke standing with a group of people a few feet away. As usual Brooke looked amazing with a low cut dark purple dress and her hair in a high bun.

"Hey!" Marlene said rushing off towards her thankful to see a familiar face.

"Everyone this is Marlene, you know Mary but this is Collin and his friend Marcus and Marcus' girlfriend Jessica." Brooke said pointing out everyone in the group.

"Where are you guys from?" Marlene asked curiously.

"I'm actually from America" the one named Marcus spoke up. "And so is Jess but my mother used to go to Hogwarts with Maggie, or Mrs. Potter, back in the day and so we came up here to visit my family and the invitation was extended. My parents are hanging around here somewhere... Collin and Jess just tagged along for the trip because they'd never been over here." Marlene nodded her head.

"So do you know James?" she asked trying to make light conversation.

"No...I've actually never met the kid but your friend Brooke here has told us lots about him." Brooke pretended to be embarrassed.

"Not that much..." she said quietly. Marlene could already tell she was trying to grab Marcus' friend's attention but it seemed the Collin only had eyes for Mary whom he would not stop staring at.

"How old are you?" Marlene asked trying to give Mary the chance to jump in.

"We're sixteen, except for Collin he's in his seventh year." Marlene looked over at Mary to see her staring down at her drink shyly not saying a word.

"What do you plan to do Collin?" Marlene asked him. "After school?"

"Traveling?" Collin said with a small chuckle.

"I'd love to go traveling as well" Mary spoke up now causing a large grin to come across Marlene's face.

"Come with me" she whispered in Brooke's ear pulling her friend away to her very dismay.

"Marlene." Marlene whipped around to see Sirius standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. A smile came across her thin rosy lips at the sight of him.

"Hey" she said softly.

"Fancy a drink?" He asked her his eyes moving from his glass of champagne and then back to her.

"Alright but only one...alcohol and us don't mix very well." Sirius chuckled lightly before guiding her into the kitchen to pour her a glass.

"Who are you planning to kiss at midnight?" He asked her mischievously.

"No one" Marlene said with a shrug not even bothering to play along with the game.

**_"Hey!" Sirius_** said finding Marlene as she chatted lightly with Frank Longbottom. She smiled at him warmly as he tugged her away. "It's midnight in two minutes" Sirius said with a large grin.

"You should go find your date" Marlene replied trying to avoid the impending conversation as much as possible.

"Don't have one" Sirius said that mischievous grin still on his face. "Marlene-"

"Don't say it," she said looking up at Sirius with pleading eyes.

"I like you. I've been wasting months ignoring it and shoving it away and letting you date bloody Damien Mattleson instead of admitting to you that those nights we slept together meant something and you...you mean something. So this is as close to opening up as you'll ever get from me but I fancy you and for now that's enough." Marlene could barely make eye contact with him.

"I can't Sirius" Marlene said weakly. "It's too late-"

"Too late?" he snapped. "What are you saying Marlene?"

"I mean you told me that it meant nothing and...I'm with Damien now-"

"Bullshit" Sirius said laughing humorlessly. "Bullshit! Look Marly you can't just shag me and then turn around the next day and claim that you're into Damien. The two of you aren't even together!"

"Sirius" Marlene said in a hushed tone. "Stop." Sirius just lead her into the kitchen now were they could argue more freely without questionable looks from others.

"You can't just play me like that Marlene" Sirius said to her crossly. "You can't make me care and then walk away-"

"What you mean like how you treated me? You left me Sirius and I had no idea the other night was going to be any different you know I'm with Damien-"

"Can you stop saying that?" Sirius snapped at her. "You aren't even dating!"

"Yeah well I fancy him and I don't want to fuck it up" Marlene shot back at him.

"Well Maybe you should have thought about that before you fucked me. Jesus Marlene you're making me crazy!"

"Yeah well you broke my heart Sirius!" Marlene screamed at him. "You took my virginity and you broke my fucking heart okay and now five months later you come again and act like everything can be forgotten well it can't. You humiliated me and made me love you and then you just dumped me aside and lead me to believe that you could have cared less and now you want me to be ecstatic over the fact that you were hiding your feelings the whole time? Well forgive me if it's a little too late. I spent weeks miserable because of you and you want me to drop everything just because you finally knocked down your stupid fucking wall! I'm sorry Sirius but I can't waste anymore of my energy focusing on you and me and whether or not you really love me and if you even understand how devastated I was when you let me leave the hospital wing heart broken after the Quidditch game you got knocked out of!" Marlene was in tears at this point sobbing as she shouted at Sirius.

"At least I can always know that Damien would never treat me the way you did and at least if he did he would accept the fact that he broke my heart and not tip toe around it like it was a some sort of ticking time bomb so no fuck you Sirius! Fuck you for breaking my heart and confusing me and getting into my stupid fucking head. I can't do it anymore any of it I can't do friends with benefits or friends or anything at all just stay the hell away from me!" Marlene cried rushing from the kitchen.

"Happy New Year!" she heard everyone in the room around her call out grabbing their loved ones or dates and giving them large kisses. Marlene cried harder as she watched everyone around her smiling widely and hugging each other close.

"Marly?" Brooke asked rushing towards Marlene. "What's wrong-"

"I just need to go" Marlene sobbed. "I can't breath...I just...I need to get out of here." Brooke nodded her head.

"I'm gonna grab Mary and Lil we were all going to stay at mine tonight anyways why don't you come" Marlene just nodded her head while taking short quick breaths.

"Please can we just leave-" Brooke nodded her head.

"Go get your coat sweetheart" she said giving her friends back a quick rub.

* * *

Marlene had her head rested in Lily's lap as she cried heavily after telling the three girls about everything that had happened between her and Sirius over the holiday.

"I feel rubbish," Marlene sobbed. "Because I wanted to go back to school and give Damien a big hug and feel good about it but I can't anymore and I can't even look at Sirius."

"You have to choose" Mary said. "You have to choose which one of them you need in your life and tell the other the truth." Marlene nodded her head knowing Mary was right. She sat up snuffling loudly and wiping at her puffy and red eyes.

"I fucked up," she said sadly. "I fucked up really bad."

"It could be worse" Lily said running her hand through Marlene's hair comfortingly. "You're a good person Marlene with good intentions you never meant to hurt anyone. Yes you got drunk and with heightened emotions shagged Sirius but as you've said, you and Damien aren't even really dating-"

"It doesn't make it any better," Marlene said hopelessly.

"Look Marly" Brooke said steadily. "This whole 'Marlene, boys pity party' it isn't you. For the seven years I've known you never once have I seen you like this and it isn't Damien that's causing it it's a tall long haired boy problem sitting in James' bedroom right now telling him what a complete ass he made of himself tonight. If you want my honest opinion there isn't a choice between Damien and Sirius, it's Sirius. Whether you like it or not ever since that first night you two spent together you haven't been able to get him out of your head. You two have something...something no one else can really understand...its special. Fucked maybe but special and so I don't think you should waste any more time than you already have fighting it."

"There's a war going on and for all we know one of us could be dead tomorrow. Don't waste your time running away from your feelings Mar...it's a mistake too many of us make." The entire group looked at Brooke their mouths gaping open.

"That's probably the most inspiration and enlightening thing I've ever heard you say" Lily said in complete shock.

"Gee thanks Lil" Brooke replied sarcastically.

"Leave it to Brooke to have a complete way with words when it comes to boys" Mary joked giving Brooke a little poke in the leg.

A smile had spread across Marlene's shaky lips and she nodded at Brooke.

"You're right." She said with a sigh. "There is no choice."

* * *

_I'm sorry I was really expecting that update to come sooner! I hope it was worth the wait...there's a lot to come in the next few chapters...xx_


	10. A Night to Forget

"Marlene McKinnon?" A skeptical voice asked. Marlene McKinnon turned around, looking behind the cold concrete bench she was sitting on, to see James Potter slowly approaching her, a sly grin across his face. "I didn't know you smoked?" He said looking down at the cigarette hanging freely between her index and middle finger.

"Only when I'm feeling like shit," she replied honestly taking a long drag and blowing it out into the cool January wind. It was freezing outside, the grounds buried in snow, but Marlene was enjoying the cold much better than the feelings waiting for her inside.

"You had quite a night didn't you?" James asked running a hand through his messy black hair.

"That's sugar coating it."

"I figured you might need a friend."

"It's nice to know I've still got one." Marlene replied bitterly. There was a large gush of cold wind that blew over the two of them, whipping Marlene's blonde locks behind her back. It was obvious to Marlene that James was anxious to get back inside but he stayed seated beside her not moving on inch.

"You know you have friends." James said reassuringly. "It's just...sometimes people on the outside struggle to understand our situations." Marlene looked up into James's large brown eyes, the two of them sharing a long hard stare.

"I just felt like I progressively fucked up more and more as the night went on until everyone I knew was furious with me. I didn't mean to..." she said, her voice faltering near the end. "I sort of just lost control."

"I know." James replied honestly. "And despite her current state of frustration Evans gets it too. It's only that it's hard, especially when you're friends with both people. I think she's just a little taken a back you know."

The two Gryffindors sat there in silence for a few more minutes just the sound of cold winds and Marlene's frequent exhales of smoke until finally she tossed the burnt out cigarette butt to the floor, turning to face James again.

"I can't go back in there."

"Yes you can."

"I'm humiliated...they all hate me..."

"Rubbish" James replied with a shake of his head. "Nobody hates you Marlene and it doesn't sound very Gryffindor of you to take the cowards path. Walk back into that room and explain yourself. If they're your friends they'll understand." Marlene took a deep breath bracing herself for what lay ahead.

"Thanks Potter" she said with weak smile. "It means a lot."

(That Morning)

"First day back!" Lily exclaimed throwing the curtains around Marlene's bed open. "You have Potions with me and there is absolutely no way you're going late to the first class after Christmas break." Marlene groaned loudly burying her face into the large fluffy pillow she'd been sleeping on since September.

"Kill me," she mumbled only to receive a pillow thrown directly at the back of her head. .

"Get up!" Lily called as she headed into the washroom. It took five minutes before Marlene was finally out of the bed and an extra thirty for her to choose a suitable outfit and get some makeup on. She braided her hair back, too lazy to be bothered with brushing the curls out. By the time she was finished and grabbing a hold of her book bag she had fifteen minutes to spare for breakfast before class.

When Marlene entered the Great Hall she saw that Lily already had herself a seat near the center of the table and was almost finished her bowl of Cheeri Owls.

"You're late" she mumbled, her mouth full of cereal, as she flipped through the newest edition of the Daily Prophet.

Marlene grabbed herself a slice of toast, hurriedly smearing butter and jam all over it before stuffing it into her mouth and eating it in large bites. As she ate her eyes scanned down along the table only to catch on a certain tall and dreamy looking Marauder. Sirius was laughing at something James had just said, throwing his head back a little like he always did.

Marlene quickly darted her eyes away in the opposite direction, cursing herself for even thinking about him. Ever since she'd gotten off the train last night she had decided that the new year entitled reviving an old rule, no boys.

The rule had already been broken once though seeing as when her carriage pulled up to the school Damien had been standing there waiting for her, a large grin across his face. The two of them hadn't spoken much more than a few greetings but they shared a quick kiss and parted to their respective tables.

"Guess who" a familiar voice whispered, covering Marlene's eyes from behind.

"No idea" she lied, a few crumbs flying from her mouth. Damien leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek before squeezing in beside Marlene and Lily.

"How are you doing this morning?" He asked sweetly placing his hand on top of Marlene's knee underneath the table.

"Fine" she replied blandly. Marlene could hardly look Damien in the eye seeing as all she felt was guilt every time she did. She felt guilty for wanting to end whatever they had going on and she felt guilty for sleeping with Sirius behind his back.

"I was thinking, how about after class today you and me meet up and head down to the lake?" Marlene prayed that the expression on her face didn't convey how she was feeling inside. She wanted anything but alone time with Damien. What Marlene really wanted was to walk away from the situation right now and forget all about it, but that was never going to happen.

"Okay" she agreed, half heartedly smiling at him. Damien leaned in to kiss her but at the last second Marlene turned her head giving him the cheek. She didn't look at him as he got up to leave the table, she couldn't look into those eyes one more time.

"Jezz Mar don't break the guys heart or anything" Lily quipped, looking from Damien to Marlene.

"I don't know what to do," Marlene groaned dropping her head down on top of the long wood table.

"Well you'll have lots of time to think about it during our walk to potions" Lily grinned, tossing her paper down and grabbing her bag from under the bench.

* * *

Marlene spent her entire day avoiding both Sirius and Damien, which was challenging since Sirius just so happened to be in every one of her morning classes. In Defense Against the Dark Arts Marlene fought a Ravenclaw for a seat in the front just so she wouldn't be tempted to sneak glances from behind him.

By the time her last class had finished Marlene was less excited about her upcoming date with Damien than she had been when he first asked.

"Do you think I could fake sick?" Marlene asked her dorm mates, the five of them all lounging around their dorm.

"So is it officially over?" Mary asked curiously, as she lay across her bed, feet in the air, completing Trig homework.

"I'm just not interested anymore...is that selfish?"

"Not at all" Brooke spoke up, she was sitting on the floor against her bed brushing through her silky brown hair while reading the latest edition of Witches Weekly, which had arrived that morning in the post. "Relationships are doomed to end, humans aren't meant to be monogamous."

"Ever the romantic Brooke" Lily said, stepping out of the washroom. She came over and sat on the edge of Marlene's bed, the mattress sinking slightly under her weight, and looked directly into Marlene's nervous blue eyes. "As long as you're respectful and honest nothing can go wrong."

"Right" Marlene replied gulping nervously. "Honest..." Lily gave her a questionable look before asking the big question.

"You aren't going to lie about Christmas break are you?"

"What happened over Christmas break?" Panda asked suddenly. It was nearly the first word she'd spoken to anyone since they'd come back last night. She'd been acting incredibly strange since the girls had arrived.

"Marlene shagged Black" Brooke answered lightly, as if the sentence held no weight.

"Brooke!"

"What?" Marlene just rolled her eyes. She looked over at Panda again whom was biting the end of her quill she was supposed to be completing Trasnfiguration homework with.

"Anyway I think it's fine if Marlene wants to keep the holiday break a secret," Brooke said flipping a magazine page loudly.

"Really?" Marlene was relived to have someone agreeing with her.

"On what planet is it all right for Marlene to be, dis-honest for personal benefit? I think it's only fair for Damien to know why he's getting dumped."

"You can't get dumped if you were never a couple" Marlene spoke up, earning her a cold stare from Lily.

"I'm serious Marly if you hide this from Damien the only one you'll be hurting is yourself."

"That's not fair-"

"Neither is lying!" Lily added with a look that read 'conversation over.'

"How long do you think it'll take to break up with Damien?" Brooke asked carelessly. "Because there's a party in the common room after dinner."

"What party?" Mary asked, looking up from her homework.

"The Talon brothers party!" Brooke answered sounding shocked that Mary even had to ask.

"I can't believe I forgot about that!"

"They throw one every year" Lily sighed tossing a strand of red hair from her face.

"I got drunk for the first time at one of those parties" Brooke said smiling proudly as she seemed to relive the memory.

"Remember that time Alice got so drunk we had to spend the entire night with her in the washroom?" Marlene asked, giggling to herself a little.

"It's was before her and Frank started dating!" Lily exclaimed. "I can't believe I forgot about that...she was trying so hard to impress him."

The four girls laughed and everyone seemed to enjoy reliving their memories of the famous Talon brother parties except for Panda who remained suspiciously quiet. Marlene was glad to know that after her highly anticipated conversation with Damien she'd have the comfort of knowing there was a bottle of Firewhiskey waiting for her.

* * *

Marlene had come down to the Great Hall with the rest of her friends to eat dinner and once she was done her large bowl of chicken soup she felt a light tap on the back of her shoulder.

"Ready?" Damien asked, a large grin across his face. Marlene nodded her head receiving a mouthed "good luck" from Mary. She headed out into the cold January night with Damien throwing on the coat and scarf she'd brought down with her.

"It's freezing out here" Marlene said, holding her arms tight around her torso as the two teenagers headed down towards the lake they'd first met at.

"S-sorry" Damien stuttered his teeth clattering. "I just needed a quiet place we could talk, somewhere no one would be."

"Well you're in luck, no one in their right mind is coming out in this cold" Marlene said, sitting down against the tree and huddling up. There was a long silence in which Marlene began to brace herself for the much-needed conversation to be had between Damien and her but before she could open her mouth to speak he'd already started.

"I've been feeling guilty since last night" Damien began earnestly. "I just really want to be honest with you Marlene" Marlene raised her eyebrow skeptically.

"Guilty about what?"

"I know we aren't dating but we are...we're doing something here..." Damien held the bridge of his nose between his fingers for a moment. "I...I slept with Pandora over Christmas break." Marlene sat still her mouth slightly ajar as she digested what Damien had just said. He couldn't mean Pandora? Not her Pandora? Not her friend.

"_You shagged Panda?_" she asked struggling to get the words out. Damien nodded his head looking ashamed. "_My Panda?_ My friend Panda?"

"It was an accident Marly I swear!" Damien said reaching out to touch Marlene's arm. She pulled away coolly.

"Don't call me that," she said to him, shaking her head with disgust. Marlene stood for a few moments holding her head in her hands in complete disbelief. If it had been any other girl she wouldn't have minded. What did it mean to her if Damien had slipped up during the holidays as well but the fact that someone who was supposed to be one of her closest friends had done something so awful, Marlene couldn't wrap her head around that.

"Whatever we had here...it's over," Marlene said looking back at Damien again.

"Marlene-"

"Don't bother," she snapped turning around and heading back towards the castle. Marlene rushed up towards Gryffindor tower fighting back salty tears as the reminder of what Panda had done tousled around inside her head.

Marlene snapped the password at the fat lady and rushed into the common room only to be greeted by the party she'd completely forgotten about.

"Marly!" Brooke called out, already sounding drunk. "Marly you're back!" Brooke rushed over to Marlene, passing her a large cup of Firewhiskey. "How did it go?" she asked, wrapping her arm around Marlene's still cold shoulder.

"Fine" Marlene said bitterly, gulping down the Firewhiskey in her cup. Brooke didn't seem to notice her friends lacking mood and headed off to speak to another girl whom Marlene didn't recognize.

"Evening McKinnon" James said to Marlene, both of them fetching drinks. James grabbed two butterbeers while Marlene poured herself a generous cup of Firewhiskey. "I'm wondering if I should be worried..." James began looking down at the alcoholic beverage practically leaking from Marlene's cup.

"Don't be" she replied taking a large gulp. "I'm definitely not."

(Sirius)

Sirius had spent the entire day attempting to stay as far away from Marlene has he possibly could and from the looks of it she'd been doing the exact same thing. Through the duration of the Talon bother's party Sirius had caught Marlene getting increasingly drunker as the night went on, none of her friends seeming to notice.

Sirius fought the urge to walk over and encourage her to go up to the girls dormitory to sleep it off but seeing as she'd basically written him off he refrained and continued to joke around with various friends.

"Did you see Clementine Blooming in Potions today?" Carlton Axesworth asked Sirius. "Jesus that's one girl I'd like to date." Sirius chuckled giving his fellow housemate a pat on the back.

"Good luck on that one mate that's one girl who is off limits." Carlton chuckled to himself his eyes scanning the room a little before appearing to land on someone standing behind Sirius.

"What about her?" He asked, Sirius turned around to see that Carlton had turned his sights on to Marlene who was giggling exceptionally loud with Mary.

"Marlene McKinnon?" Sirius asked, as if it were the most absurd notion. "You think she's more reachable than Clementine Blooming?"

"Hey she went out with Damien didn't she?"

"They aren't dating" Sirius corrected instinctively "and anyway I'm almost certain that's still a thing." He struggled not to sound bitter about the last part.

"Don't look now but I think she's coming over here" Carlton whispered all of a sudden.

"What?" Sirius turned around, despite his friends advice, to see no other than Marlene standing right behind him.

"Sirius!" she exclaimed loudly wrapping her arms around his neck. Sirius could smell a mixture of Firewhiskey and Butterbeer on her breath and knew immediately that it was no longer Marlene talking.

"Do you think you could give us a minute?" he asked Carlton, whom shrugged his shoulders and headed off in the direction of a lonely blonde fifth year.

"You seem a little drunk Marly" Sirius said, looking the blonde right in the eyes.

"Mm I'd say very drunk! Unless the room is usually spinning..." Marlene said, toppling to the side a little bit. Sirius grabbed her by the waist holding her up straight.

"What's going on with you McKinnon?" He asked curiously, tucking a strand of curls behind her ear. Marlene looked up at Sirius her usually bright blue eyes now droopy and sad.

"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked, attempting a whisper. Sirius nodded his head, still holding Marlene steady. "Panda slept with my boyfriend while I was away." Sirius felt his stomach twisting into knots.

"Boyfriend?" he asked knit picking at the one word that really bothered him.

"Well I'd go more for ex-boyfriend now" Marlene said, giggling a little. "Now that he slept with my best friend...I thought friends didn't shag other friends boyfriends?" Marlene asked Sirius falling into him a little.

"Is that why you got drunk?" Sirius asked her. Marlene nodded her head and Sirius watched as her large blue eyes began to well up with tears.

"I'm a terrible person" she mused, her head falling into her hands, a long trail of blonde hair behind it.

"You're anything but a bad person Marlene" Sirius promised. "You're possibly the best person I know." Marlene looked up into his eyes causing him to get that feeling inside of him he didn't know existed until she was around. That feeling he got that made him feel like he was worth something, that made him feel alive.

"If I say something do you promise not to hold it against me?" Marlene asked innocently. Sirius nodded his head not breaking their stare once. Marlene lifted her soft palm against Sirius' warm cheek before leaning in and whispering into his ear, "I'm glad you're the one I feel in love with."

Sirius felt his stomach drop as he watched her slowly pull away a slight smile across her rosy cheeks.

"Me too" Sirius whispered to himself as he watched Marlene walking off towards another Gryffindor.

(Marlene)

Marlene had sobered up only enough to get herself up the stairs to the girl's dormitories and into the washroom to brush her teeth. She was leaving the washroom when she noticed Panda sitting on her bed playing with her thumbs nervously.

"Hey" she muttered to Marlene not even bothering to look up. If Marlene had been in her right mind she would have just forgotten about it gone to sleep and given herself more time to decide on the best way to approach Panda but the three rather large cups of Firewhiskey she'd had to drink prevented her from doing anything of the sort.

"Bitch" Marlene mumbled under her breath.

"What's that?" Panda asked incredulously, finally looking up. Marlene gave her a cold stare.

"I think you know what I said Panda and I think you know why I said it." Marlene watched as Panda's expression dropped quickly.

"Marlene I-"

"How could you!" Marlene snapped. "How could you do that to me?"

"It was an accident! We were practically the only seventh years left and he had this bottle of Firewhiskey hidden in his dorm...it was just supposed to be a little fun but then we got drunk and I made a mistake, I'm not proud of it Marly." Panda's eyes were filed with tears but Marlene couldn't seem to find any sympathy for her friend in her current stare of intoxication.

"I trusted you" Marlene said in disbelief. Panda jumped off her bed, and came towards Marlene as if to hug her but Marlene backed away.

"I'm so sorry Marly."

"You're sorry? Are you sorry you slept with my boyfriend while I was on holiday? Or are you sorry you lost my trust? Or maybe you're just sorry you got caught." Marlene said bitterly.

"Do be like that Marly!"

"Like what?"

"Like you actually care!" Shouted Panda. Marlene stood there in shock, her hands trembling with anger.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on you were about to end things with him anyway!"

"You don't even get it!" Marlene screamed angrily. "I could care less about whom it is Damien sleeps with what bothers me is that fact that you, as my friend, could do something like that to me! I would never sleep with Kyle no matter how drunk I was." Panda had begun to cry quietly as Marlene spoke. "Does Kyle know?" Marlene asked cruelly. "Because I'm sure he'd be interested in his girlfriend's holiday adventures!"

"Stop" Panda begged. "Please. You've made your point."

"No I don't think I have-" Marlene was about to continue when the dorm room door flung open and Lily entered alongside Brooke the two of them giggling profoundly.

"Hey guys-" Brooke began before stopping as she took in Panda's appearance.

"What's going on here?" Lily asked, slipping back into mother hen mode.

"Why don't you tell them Panda?" Marlene asked coldly. "Go ahead lets tell Brooke and Lily about how you fucked my boyfriend!" The room fell silent no one making a sound expect for the quiet snuffles from Panda as she cried.

"He's not even your boyfriend," she said quietly.

"Fuck you Panda!" Marlene began to shout. "Stop trying to make yourself feel better about this because you can't! You fucked up you fucked me over and you fucked Kyle over as well you're not the victim in this situation!"

"How about we all just calm down," Lily said stepping in between Marlene and Pandora. "Look Marly you've had a few too many tonight how about you just sleep on it okay? It's not going to end well for anyone if we continue this conversation." Despite Lily's advice Marlene stood still staring at Panda with fury.

"What? So Panda just gets the slip?" Marlene asked not willing to let the subject go.

"I'm not saying that I'm just suggesting-"

"Come on Marly how long are you going to be angry with me for? You say I can't play the victim? Fine but how about you stop playing it as well."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Please, you were sleeping with Sirius long before I even looked at your boyfriend." Marlene felt something in her snap and she side stepped Lily swinging her fist right into Panda's face.

"Marlene!" Brooke screamed in horror as Panda collapsed to the floor her nose bleeding heavily.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lily snapped rushing over to help Panda up.

"I-"

"Just get out of here Marlene." Brooke snapped at her, helping carry a crying Panda towards the washroom.

Marlene rushed from the dormitory, running downstairs to the common room where only a few people remained, a couple near the fire making out and two third year girls giggling to themselves as they finished off the remainder of a bottle of Firewhiskey. Marlene headed towards the vacant couch lying out across it and closing her eyes to prevent tears from leaking out of them. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to face her dorm mates again.

* * *

Marlene woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and growling stomach. Too afraid to face her friends she left the common room still wearing the clothes she'd had on the day before, her hair a tangled mess. She ate breakfast alone and when Lily came down first she looked in Marlene's direction and made a point to sit as far away from her as possible.

Marlene barely managed to get through her classes due to her awful hangover and large pile of guilt. By the time she finished her final class she was rushing to get out of the castle as quickly as she could, finding a pack of cigarettes tucked away into her back pocket.

* * *

"Good luck" James whispered into Marlene's ear as she began her descent towards the Girl Dormitories. Her hands were trembling as she turned the knob to the dorm and all eyes were on her. Panda was sitting on the edge of her bed reading a book when Marlene entered. She looked up at the curly haired blonde and with an angry glance turned away quickly.

Marlene took a deep breath staring around at the girls in front of her whom usually brought her terrible amounts of comfort.

"I..." Marlene began to speak struggling to find the right words to say in her current situation. "I'm not proud of myself," Marlene finally said, everyone staring at her now, including Panda. "Last night I was drunk and incredibly out of line not to mention cruel. I do owe you an apology Panda and I'm sorry but I am angry with you. I shouldn't have started that conversation last night in my state but I can't change the past I can only apologize for my mistakes and move forward."

"I know you're all angry with me for how I reacted last night because it was selfish, seeing as I did the exact same thing to Damien as he did to me. I suppose the only thing in can say in defense of my earlier actions is that it really hurts when you think you know someone and you're wrong. Because when I left for the Holidays Panda, I was crazy about Damien and you knew that and even while you were drunk you should have realized you were hurting me because I would have cared enough to do that for you." Panda's eyes were watery once again.

"I know," she said weakly. "I'm sorry." Marlene fought back tears as she felt a lump begin to form in her throat. She turned to find Lily smiling at her proudly.

"You were a real brat last night Mar."

"I know" Marlene said guiltily.

"I wasn't mad at you Marly I was only disappointed. You didn't have to sleep elsewhere last night really. You know we love you." Lily said opening her arms for Marlene to fall into.

"Yeah I mean you really could have used a change of clothes you stink." Brooke piped up making Marlene laugh. Peace being restored to the Seventh Year Girls Dormitory.

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed that! Reviews are appreciated as usual. xx_


	11. Detention

Marlene woke up to the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly behind her and when she turned around it was none other than Madame Pince. She stood there her face in its permanent scowl, grimacing at Marlene.

"The library is not for sleeping" Madame Pince said dryly. Marlene jumped up in her seat taking a look around the library to find all of its previous occupants now gone.

"Sorry" she mumbled standing up and beginning to gather her books. "I was studying for potions."

"You need to be awake to study" Madame Pince said smartly returning to her desk. Marlene rolled her eyes exiting the library swiftly. The halls of Hogwarts were fairly deserted and Marlene assumed she had overslept past curfew. She walked past a couple locking lips on a nearby bench and suppressed the urge to gag loudly. It was then that Marlene slammed into a hard surface her eyes not facing forward quite yet and she looked down to see Sadie Coal's books in a pile on the floor.

"Hey!" Sadie shouted angrily. "What the hell was that?"

"An accident" Marlene shrugged not sure how else to respond. Sadie Coal was just a little shorter than Marlene but made up for it with her large bone structure. She had greasy black hair she kept pulled back in a low ponytail with a few strands hanging free. Just as Marlene became solid on her feet again Sadie jumped forward shoving her hard.

Marlene toppled backwards landing with a smack on the cool stone floor.

"What the fuck Sadie!" Marlene shouted as the Slytherin began to walk away.

"Sorry" Sadie replied mockingly. "It was an accident." Marlene stood up rushing at Sadie despite her better judgment telling her it was a mistake. Marlene ran into Sadie pushing her hard so that her neck swung forward and she tripped a little, surprisingly maintaining her balance.

"Are you kidding me?" Sadie shouted turning around and grabbing a handful of Marlene's long blonde hair in her large hands. In a matter of seconds the girls were scratching at each other and attempting to smack one another while holding large handfuls of their hair.

Marlene heard pounding footsteps as someone ran in the direction of the two and suddenly she felt herself being pulled away from Sadie by her waist.

"Marlene! Marlene!" A familiar voice shouted at her. It took a while for Marlene to tune in, adrenaline pumping through her blood. She looked up to see Sirius holding her back as Sadie smiled slyly as if she had somehow won.

"That's right," she said to Marlene. "Let your boyfriend hold you back."

"Fuck you Sadie!" Marlene hollered at her. Pulling her wand from her back pocket in anger. Sadie laughed cruelly pulling hers out as well and pointing it straight at Marlene's chest.

"Come on McKinnon" Sirius whispered into Marlene's ear. "Don't do this."

"Do it than Sadie" Marlene egged her opponent on. "Hex me, give it your best shot."

"Why cause you've got your little boyfriend here to protect you?" Marlene rolled her eyes struggling to break from Sirius's grasp.

"Let me go" she snapped at him becoming irritated.

"No! I'm not letting you do something you'll regret-" Before Sirius could finish Sadie took a cheap shot firing a spell straight at Marlene whom luckily was well prepared with her shielding spells.

Marlene deflected the hex and before she could say another word the sound of rushing feet filled the hallway and Professor McGonagall appeared looking less than thrilled.

"What is this?" she demanded sternly. Sirius dropped his hold around Marlene stepping back.

"I swear Professor I know just as much as you! Marlene just started attacking me as I was helplessly strolling the halls. I had to fire at her in self-defense!" Marlene rolled her eyes watching with amusement, as Sadie fought to make her disgustingly sharp facial features seem innocent and pitiful.

"Of course" Marlene muttered under her breath with a roll of her eyes.

"My office now" McGonagall said through clenched teeth. The two girls followed her their heads bowed guiltily. "You too Black!" McGonagall called behind her.

"But I wasn't fighting!"

"Out past curfew. Now follow."

* * *

"I have never seen girls with such little respect for themselves" Professor McGonagall said to Sadie and Marlene in disbelief. "The type of behavior I just witnessed has never and will never be tolerated at Hogwarts. Now I want a detention tomorrow night from all of you and I think fifteen points from Slytherin will do, twenty-five from Gryffindor and you can thank Mr. Black for the extra five. Now I want all three of you in my office tomorrow immediately after dinner." Sadie's face dropped.

"But Professor-"

"Please Ms. Coal it is much too late for anymore of your stories" Professor McGonagall said, sticking her nose up. "Now I'd like to get some sleep. You can all go back to your houses now." McGonagall said ushering the three students from her office.

Sadie gave Marlene a cold glare and then headed off in the direction of the dungeons. Marlene and Sirius walked silently towards the Grand Staircase. Sirius kept looking at Marlene expectantly as if waiting for her to say something but she remained silent.

"Are you mad at me then?" He finally asked, becoming impatient.

"Yeah is there something wrong with that?" Marlene replied coolly.

"I'm sorry was I not supposed to try and pull you out of a bad situation? If you'd listened to me you would have never gotten us detention."

"I had it under control!" Marlene snapped. She stopped walking and looked up at Sirius with fury. "I was fine and I didn't need you stepping in and rescuing me. Do you know how embarrassing that is? You're not my boyfriend." Marlene continued walking leaving Sirius frozen in place a few steps behind.

"Hey!" he called after her. "You don't get to do that!"

"Do what?"

"Act like I'm the bad guy, because I'm not! You told me we couldn't even be friends when I finally opened up to you-"

"After treating me like shit for months!" Marlene hollered "and than you expected me to bend over backwards the minute you figured out how you felt." Marlene and Sirius were now half way to Gryffindor tower, Marlene walking at a quickened pace as Sirius fought to catch up to her.

"I never treated you the way you treat me!" Sirius bellowed.

"Oh please" Marlene said shaking her head. "You never treated me with any kind of respect."

"And you think you give me so much of it?" Sirius demanded as the pair finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. She was asleep and snoring quietly.

"Please I didn't get you drunk take your virginity and than push it aside as something that didn't matter!"

"There you go again blaming everything on me," Sirius growled. His small brown eyes looked furious as he stared down Marlene. "I didn't get you drunk you chose to drink that Firewhiskey and it isn't as if you didn't know what was going on when we shagged the first time and anytime after that and no matter how shitty I treated you I never told you that we weren't friends or that you shouldn't ever speak with me."

"I didn't do that Maliciously" Marlene told him her tone calming down now. "I did it for me because I can't do it anymore."

"Do what?" Sirius demanded angrily. "What can't you do?"

"This!" Marlene replied her voice cracking. "I can't continue having the same argument every day. You know how I feel Sirius-"

"And you know how I feel!" Sirius hollered back.

"No you-" Marlene began to say. Sirius stepped towards her quickly and before she knew what was happening his lips had crashed against hers and they were kissing. First he was just kissing her and then she was kissing him back his hands roaming through her long blond locks as they continued.

Finally Sirius pulled away and looked her hard in the eyes. "That's how I feel." He said to Marlene whom was still completely out of breath. Then he turned to the Fat Lady, who was now awake and staring at the pair in awe, and said the password before entering the common room briskly.

"I'd snatch that Lad while he was still free" the Fat Lady instructed Marlene. "He's quite a catch."

* * *

Marlene sat in Professor Slughorn's class waiting anxiously for it to begin. She had not completed the assignment due the night before and she was terrified of receiving any more detention than she already had. To her luck Cassandra Murphy tapped on her shoulder as she made her way to her seat in the front of the class.

"McGonagall wants to see you in her office" she informed Marlene before stomping away. Marlene looked at Lily nervously before getting up and walking out of the class towards McGonagall's room. When she finally reached it she knocked on the tall wood door lightly worried a further punishment might be waiting for her behind it.

"Come in" ordered Professor McGonagall. Marlene pushed the heavy door slowly, entering the room to find her teacher seated at her desk, quill in hand, writing.

"Come take a seat Ms. McKinnon" she said sternly. Marlene gulped nervously slowly approaching the large chair opposite Professor McGonagall.

"I called you here today to discuss your future" McGonagall said.

"My future?"

"Do you know you're one of the only seventh year students who hasn't give any thought to their future career?" Marlene shook her head. "I have questioned most of your classmates about their plans for the future and you seem to be the only one whom refuses to give me a steady answer."

"I just don't feel much like wasting my time getting a job." Marlene replied with a shrug. McGonagall raised her eyebrow questionably.

"Wasting your time? Are you not interested in a bright future?"

"With current events a good job is irrelevant to a bright future in my case." It was then that Professor McGonagall seemed to catch on to what Marlene was saying. A warmer expression came upon her face and she nodded slowly.

"You're Muggle born if I'm correct?" She asked Marlene.

"Correct."

"It may seem scary to see what's happening in the world at the moment but not finding yourself a suitable career would just be foolish."

"What if I want to fight back?" Marlene asked. "What if I want to be part of the resistance? Part of the team of people that changes the world so future generations never have to go through what I am?" McGonagall pursed her lips and for a moment Marlene wondered if she might reach out and grab a hold of her hand.

"You're only sixteen Ms. McKinnon give yourself a fighting chance in this world before you sign up for war."

"The truth is Professor I don't feel like I have a fighting chance to begin with." McGonagall nodded her head sadly giving Marlene a long hard stare.

"That'll be all" she said returning to the writing she'd previously been working on.

**(Sirius)**

When Sirius arrived at Professor McGonagall's room he found Marlene already waiting. He stood in the doorway for a moment staring at her in detail. She was sat at a desk near the front of the room her chin rested on the palm of her hand as she tapped her small foot lightly against the stone floor. Sirius watched as she ran a hand through her soft blonde locks her fingers twirling in them.

_Get it together_, he thought to himself. _You're a mess._ He was disgusted by the thoughts that entered his mind whenever Marlene was in a room. The way his hard outer shell seemed to crack down around him and he felt totally and completely exposed to her and to make matters worse she repeatedly shoved him away. Things had been so much easier when Sirius was the resistant one.

"Are you planning to enter the room Mr. Black?" Professor McGonagall asked form behind Sirius. He jumped a little colour rising in his neck.

"I was just...yeah I suppose so..." Sirius mumbled grabbing a seat a few desks away from Marlene, who looked up at him before turning away quickly. a few minutes later Sadie strode into the room her greasy black hair hanging in one long braid down her along back.

"Glad you could join us Ms. Coal. Now, I'll have the three of you scrub all the desks in this room down until they are sparkling, using no magic." Sirius thought Sadie's eyes might bulge from her head.

"What are we supposed to use?" She asked in shock. Sirius could swear he heard Marlene stifle a laugh from beside him.

"I think those will do" Professor McGonagall said point towards a wall lined with three buckets that had cloths hanging along the side of them.

Marlene was first up heading towards one of the buckets and soaking a cloth in the wet and soapy water.

"I suppose you'd be an expert at this" Sadie said to her mockingly. "I hear Mudblood's do better cleaning than House Elf's." Sirius watched the muscles in Marlene's face tighten and her blue eyes filled with rage. Sirius caught Marlene slowly moving her hand towards the inner pocket of her robe. He knew that the minute she drew her wand she would have done exactly what Sadie wanted and Sirius was determined not to let this happen.

"You'll never believe what I was just remembering today Sadie" Sirius spoke up, improvising on the spot and causing Sadie's snake like eyes to turn on him. "Do you remember that one year your family came to my family's house party? Before Hogwarts?" Colour had already started to rise in Sadie's cheeks. "You, Regulus, and I were all outside and you kept teasing Regulus about how terrible he was on the broom and so he told you to give it your best shot and you had absolutely no idea what to do and managed to get yourself stuck in a tree. I think it's still a running joke in my family-" Sadie was no longer looking at Sirius but was staring down at her sneakers with embarrassment.

"Piss off Black" she mumbled under her breath as Sirius grinned broadly. He looked over at Marlene expecting to see a much brighter look upon her face but instead she stared at Sirius coolly and turned away from him quickly, grabbing her bucket and moving towards the closest desk.

"Marlene-" Sirius began following her.

"Just leave me alone!" Marlene snapped at him in a hushed tone, "please." Sirius couldn't help but feel as if someone had just punched him hard straight in the stomach. He grabbed a hold of the last bucket and headed towards a desk far away from Marlene.

**(Marlene)**

The entire detention Marlene endured dirty looks from Sadie and an awkward tension placed between her and Sirius. When Professor McGonagall finally decided that the three of them could leave Marlene was more than excited.

Sirius and her walked towards Gryffindor Tower together, Sirius lagging a few steps behind. Marlene was furious with him and she could hardly figure out why. Since the Holidays Sirius had done everything she'd been hoping he'd do since the start of the year but for some reason it wasn't enough. It bothered Marlene when he fought for her as if she couldn't do it herself and when he expected his sudden realization of feelings to change the way he'd made he feel for months.

Marlene felt as if her head was about to explode from the amount of thoughts swarming around inside of it. She stopped on the Seventh Floor landing and stood in front of the Portrait of the Fat Lady without saying the password.

"Why?" she asked Sirius as he came up the stairs behind her.

"I'm sorry?"

"Why didn't you tell me the truth about how you felt when it mattered? The first time we were standing here or in the Hospital Wing after that game?" Sirius ran a hand through his long brown hair looking pensive.

"It's not really my thing," He said with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "I wasn't exactly raised in the most loving environment and truthfully the first time when we were standing here and you were asking me what I wanted to do I didn't understand it."

"Understand what?" Marlene demanded her patient with Sirius running low.

"The way you made me feel." Marlene stood there for few seconds her mouth gaping open.

"I don't-"

"I'm not going to stand here and tell you how I feel anymore Marlene because I've done it already and you know. I can't give you anymore then I already have."

"Is that the best I get?" Marlene asked her large blue eyes becoming watery. "Someone that doesn't really appreciate me, isn't exactly sure if they're even in love with me and doesn't even want to date me. Is that really all I deserve?"

"That's all I can give" Sirius said, defeated "but you choose what you deserve Marlene not me." Sirius turned his back to her then and gave the Fat Lady, whom had been listening intently to their entire conversation, the password.

Marlene didn't want him to go. She didn't want to spend another night lying awake in bed trying to figure out what their conversation meant and how she felt. The routine had become tiresome.

"Sirius!" Marlene called out before the portrait had shut behind him. He looked back at her, his sad grey eyes boring into her blue ones. Marlene stood there for a second not sure what to say. "Did Sadie...did Sadie really crash her broom in the tree?" Like magic a large grin came upon Sirius' face and he nodded his head.

"Yeah." He said to Marlene, whom had now come through the portrait hole and was standing beside him. "Everyone saw it too..."

* * *

_sorry that this is such a short chapter, and a few important issues from the previous one weren't addressed (Damien, Panda, ect..) but I promise they will be in the next one! This one was more strictly about Sirius and Marlene's relationship. As always reviews are most appreciated and really my biggest motivation for updates. xx_


	12. Valentines Day

A frost had covered the Hogwarts grounds to announce Valentines Day and all of Hogwarts couples were besotted with the fact that the holiday just so happened to land on the Saturday of a Hogsmeade trip. Marlene watched with disgust, from her seat at the Gryffindor table, as a couple sitting across from her made out passionately.

Sh had decided to wake up early that morning and enjoy a quiet breakfast at which she could finish the rest of the novel she'd been enjoying for the past week but the couple in front of her had taken away her appetite for anything. Marlene looked down guiltily at the eggs she'd barely touched.

"Morning" said a friendly voice. Marlene looked to her right to find Remus Lupin climbing into the seat beside her.

"Hello Remus" Marlene said, glad that she could occupy her attention on anything but the couple in front of her. She watched with amusement as Remus' noticed the two with surprise.

"Looks like some people are feeling extra festive..." he inquired grabbing himself some oatmeal. "Any plans for today?" Marlene lifted up the book she'd had laying in her lap and smiled. "You aren't going to Hogsmeade?"

"No I didn't think I would" Marlene said with shrug. "I mean it'll just be crowded with obnoxious couples raving about how wonderful it is they've been together for two months." Remus chuckled.

"You could come with us, we'll promise to keep our Valentines Day jitters under wraps." Marlene smiled touched by Remus' effort.

"Thanks really but I'd rather just stay behind, at least I'll have the common room all to myself." Remus didn't seem convinced by this and continued to look at Marlene with uncertainty.

"It isn't because of Sirius is it?" He asked more quietly. Marlene's stomach did back flips at the mention of his name.

"No" she said, not completely convinced her self. "Sirius and I have actually been on good terms lately I just really don't feel much like venturing into the cold just to feel annoyed the entire day." Remus nodded understandingly before returning to his breakfast.

Since the night of their detention Sirius and Marlene had remained on better terms then they'd been in a while. The few weeks had been fairly peaceful between the two although they kept their social interactions limited but Sirius was only half the reason Marlene was weary of venturing into Hogsmeade. She figured that if she stayed behind she'd manage to avoid both Pandora and Damien both of whom she was sure would be in Hogsmeade that afternoon.

Once Marlene had finished up her breakfast the best that she could she wandered back up to Gryffindor Tower. When she returned to her Dorm she found that everyone was still asleep except for Brooke whom had mysteriously not come to bed last night. Marlene changed from the itchy blue jeans she'd thrown on for her excursion downstairs and put her loose pajama bottoms back on before climbing into bed.

* * *

"Marly" Lily whispered into Marlene's ear softly. "Marly wake up." Marlene groaned loudly and rolled over to find Lily sitting on the edge of her bed. "We're all going to Hogsmeade now." She informed her very sleepy friend.

"Okay" Marlene replied simply hoping if she kept her responses at a bare minimum she'd be able to return to her dreams once Lily left.

"I'm not sure if Panda is coming but if she stays talk to her-" Marlene groaned. "Really Marly" Lily said sternly. "This tension is too much..."

"I'm sleeping" Marlene mumbled rolling over and burying her head into her fluffy white pillow. Lily sighed heavily from beside her.

"Try to talk to Damien too" she whispered. "He's starting to creep Brooke out-"

"I'll try" Marlene said hoping Lily would then leave her alone to sleep.

"I'll buy you some Chocolate Cauldron cakes" Lily promised to Marlene's delight and then a weight lifted off Marlene's bed and she head the Dorm room door closing quietly. Marlene let out a small sigh of relief pulling her blanket up to her chin. She was determined to sleep away all of her problems.

* * *

Marlene woke up abruptly the sound of someone sobbing heavily, pulling her from her deep slumber. Marlene felt light-headed as she slowly sat up in bed rubbing her eyes tiredly. The curtains around her bed were drawn so that she was not hidden as she usually was and she could see in plain sight Pandora sitting on top of her bed sobbing into her hands.

She hadn't noticed that Marlene had woken up and so she continued crying heavily her long blonde hair hanging behind her.

"Panda?" Marlene asked, approaching her dorm mate gingerly.

"Oh...oh...Marlene I'm s-sorry" Panda said looking up, her eyes red and swollen.

"It's fine...what happened?" Despite not being on the best of terms with Panda, since she had slept with Marlene's boyfriend, she still cared about her well being and so Marlene sat on the edge of Panda's bed and tried to rub her back comfortingly.

"I-it's just...well I assume you'll think I deserved it..." Marlene gulped nervously, anticipating what Panda might say next. "Well K-Kyle he dumped me." Marlene bit her lip. She couldn't lie it wasn't surprising that Kyle had dumped Panda after all she _had_ slept with another boy but it didn't mean Marlene wanted to see Panda so upset. After all Marlene had been just as bad over winter break as she had.

"What happened exactly?" She asked.

"Well H-he was going on about how wonderful our trip to Hogsmeade would be and I just couldn't lie to him anymore so I tried my hardest to tell him the truth but he just freaked out and he told me he was finished and stormed away." Panda's head dropped into her hands again. "I deserve it'" she sobbed. "After what I did to you."

"No" Marlene assured her friend. "No Panda you just...you made a mistake. I did too. I mean we may never be the way we were before but you're still my friend we don't have to lose that...I was going to end it with Damien that day anyway." Marlene hoped these few words would console Pandora but they didn't do much to stop her endless flow of tears. "What if I spoke to Kyle?" Marlene offered. "Maybe I could help..."

"I couldn't ask you to do that" Panda said shaking her head.

"No, really I want to" Marlene persisted. The truth was that although Marlene did want to see Panda brighten up a bit she just couldn't face the prospect of listen to her roommate cry for weeks about her ended relationship. And so Marlene changed into something a little more suitable than her pajamas and headed off towards the Hufflepuff basement to find Kyle.

When Marlene arrived she found herself standing in front of a stack of barrels. She'd head a few students when she was in first year talking about how they'd once tried to sneak into the Hufflepuff Dormitory thinking it would be quite simple with no password but instead had a barrel of vinegar poured on them. Marlene decided she would rather not end up sticking of vinegar all day so instead she waited patiently for a Hufflepuff to arrive.

After what felt like an hour, but was more likely twenty minutes, a tall and skinny boy with shaggy brown hair approached the entrance.

"Excuse me" Marlene spoke up thankful to finally find someone. The boy whipped around looking at Marlene curiously. "I um...I'm looking for Kyle McDowning? I figured he might be in here..." The guy nodded.

"I'm not sure if he's here today he might have left for Hogsmeade...I can check for you if you like?"

"That'd be great thanks!" Marlene grinned. The boy smiled and then turned towards the stack of barrels tapping one in the middle of the second row from the bottom a few times. Marlene watched in amazement as the top of the barrel pulled open to reveal a tight corridor that the boy proceeded to crawl through before the barrel closed again.

"Merlin." Marlene murmured to herself leaning against the wall again. She waited for Kyle to emerge her patient beginning to run low. Marlene retired to tapping her foot against the floor in the tune of a song she'd recently heard on the radio and hadn't been able to get out of her head since. By the time she'd finished tapping out the final verse Kyle emerged to her great relief.

"Thank god" he sighed at the sight of Marlene. "When he described a tall blonde I was sure it'd be Panda." Marlene gave Kyle a sympathetic look.

"So why'd you come?"

"I guess some part of me was still hoping it was her." Marlene nodded her head motioning her head towards the stairs.

"Fancy a walk?" she asked and to her luck Kyle agreed.

The two of them strolled around the fairly empty castle, except for first and second years that weren't yet able to go to Hogsmeade and the occasional person who'd stayed behind. Marlene decided not to bring up Panda until the two of them had located an empty classroom.

Marlene jumped on top of a desk swinging her feet below her.

"I guess you can figure I didn't come to find you for small talk." Marlene said earnestly.

"Considering you've never done it before no not really." Kyle had taken a seat across from her. "Are you mad at her?" He asked. His head bowed down.

"I was" Marlene said hesitantly. "Really mad...it wasn't that she'd slept with Damien but it was more so the fact that she'd made a decision like that and not thought about me." Kyle nodded his head and Marlene could swear she caught tears in his eyes.

"I just don't get it, no matter how drunk you are it isn't like you forget you're seeing someone." Marlene nodded her head. "She just didn't care, she wanted to sleep with him."

"I've been friends with Pandora since first year Kyle and I still don't quite understand the inter-workings of her brain but despite the whole pretty girl, dumb blonde exterior she puts up she's quite sensitive and sometimes I think it gets hard to always feel as if you're thinking of other people and never getting thought of in return."

"So you cheat on your boyfriend?" Marlene sighed heavily. She'd never been great at explaining her thoughts.

"Sometimes it's just nice to think about how you feel in the moment and nothing else, despite all the repercussions that come with it and in that moment Panda was feeling drunk and lonely and while she was shagging Damien I doubt she was even thinking about who it was she was just lonely." Marlene's thoughts traveled to Sirius as she remembered what it was like the last time they'd slept together that night at the wedding and how it'd felt not thinking about anything or anyone as she let his hands travel down her dress..._Jesus_ Marlene thought to herself shaking off the memory. _What was she doing?_

"I'm still so mad" Kyle said sounding less angry and instead sad.

"With good reason."

"But I...I love her." Marlene smiled, thankful that somehow her lacking words of wisdom had helped.

"Maybe you two could talk?" she suggested hopefully. "I know Panda would like that...she could explain everything." Kyle remained silent and Marlene worried for a moment he'd say no but finally he nodded his head in agreement.

Marlene hopped off the desk she'd been perched on grinning from ear to ear.

* * *

Marlene couldn't help but feel like cupid as she watched Panda and Kyle walk off down the corridor to find an empty room they could chat in. She was glad to have gotten her talk with Panda out of the way she early in the day and happily took her book down to the Great Hall ready to start reading. Marlene grabbed herself some lunch, her stomach growling due to her early breakfast, and opened the book. She was three pages in when she heard someone clearing their throat beside her. Marlene looked up and to her great disappointment found Damien Mattleson.

With reluctant hands she marked down her page and closed the book turning her attention to the body beside her.

"I was hoping-" he began but Marlene finished his sentence for him.

"Damien I'm sorry" she apologized before he could say another word. Damien looked confused. "I was really awful to you and you didn't deserve it..."

"I don't really know what you mean..." Damien said unsurely.

"I wasn't completely honest with you that night" Marlene said hoping Damien wouldn't respond badly. "Before you blurted out what you'd done over the holidays I'd been working up the courage to admit to you that I'd slept with someone as well..." Damien's expression changed from shock to anger and then softened.

"Oh" he said simply. Marlene waited, fighting the urge to bite her nails nervously, for Damien's response. "Wow."

"It's okay to be angry," Marlene said to him. "I deserve it Damien really I was completely unfair to you that night and I should have told you the truth right then and there."

"Marlene if you'd slept with someone as well then why were you so angry with me anyway?" Damien asked. He didn't sound angry but instead hurt which didn't make Marlene feel any better.

"I wasn't mad at you it was Panda I was really upset with it just kind of reflected on to you." Damien nodded his head slowly as if digesting the information.

"Who was it?" he asked, catching Marlene by surprise.

"What?"

"Who was it you slept with?" Marlene questioned telling Damien the truth. _Sirius_ she was shouting in her head. _I'm crazy about Sirius_ but she knew she'd regret it immediately afterwards. If she told Damien about Sirius he would share the news with his own friends and by the next morning the entire school would be whispering about how Marlene McKinnon had cheated on Damien with Sirius Black.

"Just this...It was this Irish wizard" Marlene lied. "Someone I met at the Longbottom wedding."

"Why?" Damien demanded his voice filled with pain.

"Oh I don't Damien the same reasons as you I suppose. I was drunk and we were dancing at this wedding and he was sweet talking me and I suppose I was rather lonely." _No_ Marlene thought. _This wasn't true at all._ The truth was that whenever Sirius was around Marlene could no longer control herself, especially with Firewhiskey thrown into the mix. How could she? This was why she no longer let herself stay in a room with him for more than two minutes.

"You want to know why I came over here?" Damien said. Marlene nodded her head despite being nervous about his response. "I wanted to see if you might consider giving us another shot." Marlene felt her heart plummet. She'd never been terribly good at saying no.

"You could do so much better Damien" Marlene said to him honestly. "I mean I'm a mess, really. I'm really awful at relationships, I mean we weren't even dating and I still couldn't keep it together. You deserve someone who can give you more than that." Damien's brown eyes became droopy and sad.

"You're the type of girl guys are terrified of" Damien said, shaking his head.

"Why's that?"

"It's because you don't realize how attractive you are, not just physically but emotionally too. The visible beauty draws them in and then you've got this extremely seductive and compelling personality that keeps it going and so these guys they go crazy over you but you're never fully there. You're some where else...maybe there's someone else... but I swear to god who ever that person is that keeps you terrified to love anyone else...well he's just who ever guy wants to be." Marlene felt a lump form in her throat. She reached out a hand to caress Damien's cheek but he pulled away.

"I wish he was you Damien." She said sadly.

"Me too." Marlene looked down at her half eaten plate of food but she didn't have the stomach for it any longer. After a few seconds Damien got and and left without another word. Marlene wanted to read but she no longer felt in the mood for it and after playing with her food for a few minutes she got up and left as well.

She'd been so sure that after talking to both Damien and Panda she'd feel a weight lifted off her shoulders but instead she felt heavier than she had before.

* * *

Marlene sat at the desk in her dorm room finishing up her Transfiguration homework and writing a letter to her mother. It was around five that she started to hear people down stairs and realized that she had not once today managed to really read her book. Marlene padded down to the common room to find her friends, plus three of the Marauders, sitting around the fire. Peter and Mary were playing a game of Wizards Chess while Brooke, Sirius, and Remus were chatting.

Marlene questioned approaching the group but when Brooke caught her eye there was no turning back.

"Marly!" she called out beckoning her friend forward.

"Hey" Marlene said to the group, Sirius conveniently staring at the floor, as she sat down against Brooke's armchair. "Where were you last night?" She asked her curiously.

"You don't even want to know." I stared up at her for a few seconds in disgust.

"Right. Where are Lily and James?"

"Stayed behind" Remus answered. "They still wanted a bit of time to themselves." For a split second Marlene's eyes caught Sirius and she felt herself being drawn towards him. She wanted to wander towards the seat beside him and snuggle her head in the nook of his warm neck.

"Marlene?" Brooke asked pulling her from her thoughts.

"Yeah?" She replied as if she had not just been daydreaming about Sirius. Brooke looked at her unsurely before pulling a package of Cauldron Cakes from her bag and passing it in Marlene's direction.

"I was ordered to bring them back to you by a very bossy red head." Marlene chuckled, resting her head against Brooke's legs.

"Anyway how was your day McKinnon?" Marlene stomach did flips just thinking about it.

"Quiet" she lied, wishing it were true.

The group of them continued joking and chatting. They joked about how Kayla Boshack and Perry O'Harra had made plans in a fifth floor broom closet tonight and how Marietta Jones and Tyler Conner had been pulled apart while making out by the force of Professor McGonagall's wand.

After talking for a good hour the group finally decide it was time to head down for dinner. Marlene lagged behind a bit. She'd spent every minute since the Holidays avoiding Sirius and any attempt he made at telling her how he felt and now suddenly without any warning she was craving exactly that.

"Hey" Marlene said to Sirius quietly so that the rest of the group wouldn't hear. The two of them were walking at the back and when she came beside him they slowed down a bit.

"Hey."

"How was Hogsmeade?" Marlene asked struggling to make light conversation.

"Good" Sirius replied simply.

"Bring a date?" She asked only half jokingly. Sirius shook his head his hard grey eyes turning towards her.

"No." _This is it_ Marlene thought to herself. _Say it now._ The two of them were just approaching the entrance hall and Marlene decided that whatever it was she wanted to say she better do it now.

"Sirius I-"

"Marlene!" Someone shouted from behind her. Marlene turned around to find Nathan Walters trotting down the stairs towards her. Nathan was the last person Marlene expected to be chasing her down, today especially. With his gorgeous blue eyes and dark black hair every girl at Hogwarts swooned at the sight of him and so she was sure he'd have a million plans for Valentines Day.

"Sorry" Marlene said to Sirius. "Just give me a moment." She turned back to Nathan who was now standing beside her seemingly out of breath. "Yeah?"

"I've been looking for you all day I couldn't find you anywhere in Hogsmeade" he said in an exasperated tone.

"I didn't go..." Marlene replied unsure as to why Nathan would be looking for her. Nathan was in Hufflepuff and Marlene and him had, had limited interactions.

"I was sort of hoping I'd find you in Hogsmeade and buy you a butter beer."

"Oh..." Marlene replied. She was lost for words.

"I've been hoping to ask you out since last year..." Marlene felt the colour begin to rise in her cheeks and she wished Nathan would stop talking right then. _This could not be happening._ Not now not with Sirius standing two feet away. Marlene turned around to find Sirius standing behind her with a rather surprised look his face.

"Do you think we'd be able to go somewhere a little more private and talk?" Nathan offered. Marlene placed a hand against her temple rubbing it as if she had a throbbing headache.

"Yeah I suppose..." Marlene replied. She turned back to face Sirius. "I'm sorry," she said, Nathan taking a hold of her hand without any consent. Sirius shrugged his shoulders and headed into the Great Hall leaving Marlene behind in his mist.

"You know due to my looks everythingeveryone always gets the idea that I'm quite the lady's man but you see I'm really not," Nathan said to Marlene despite her never asking. "I've really been waiting to properly ask you out since last year...the time just never felt quite right." Nathan was grinning at Marlene and she returned it with a faux smile.

"Are you trying to ask me out Nathan?" Marlene asked him with uncertainty.

"Yeah...I mean I feel like...well I've seen the way you've looked at me in potions." Marlene looked at Nathan in shock.

"I'm sorry?"

"Well I mean it's quite had to miss...it isn't as if I am judging you I'm quite honored really-!" Marlene tried not to laugh out loud.

"Nathan you've got it all wrong-" Marlene began but she could not change his mind now.

"Really Marlene it's fine I'm just glad we both feel the same way! Now we can stop all this silliness and just get together-"

"Nathan!" Marlene snapped finally managing to shut him up. "I'm really not interested in you."

"What to do you mean?" Nathan asked truly looking confused.

"I mean I don't like you, at least not in that kind of way."

"At least go on a date with me-"

"Nathan I'm not interested" Marlene replied, becoming impatient.

"Why?" he demanded. Despite Marlene knowing that Damien didn't deserve a response she gave him one anyway.

"There's someone else," she said proudly, and there was. Marlene could admit happily that there was someone else. Some special long haired Gryffindor occupying her mind. Nathan Walters was not going to leave this conversation with a smile but Marlene sure as hell was.

* * *

By the time Marlene returned to the Great Hall she was ready for the day to be over. Sirius was mysteriously missing and she worried immediately that it had something to do with Nathan interrupting them. Marlene spent the rest of the night after that tucked away in her dorm room finishing off all of her homework.

"Hey Marly" a chirpy voice said grabbing Marlene's attention. Her head popped up and she found Pandora sitting on the edge of her bed grinning widely.

"I'm staying with Ky tonight I just...I want to say thanks. You didn't have to help me out today considering I was such an awful friend to you."

"Lets not focus on it anymore" Marlene said reaching out and taking Panda's hand. "Have a good night with Kyle." Panda smiled brightly.

"Night Marly." She said sweetly before exiting the dorm, a little skip to her step. Not a second later, Brooke barged in the door Mary following closely in her tracks.

"Tell me who he was!" Mary said eagerly.

"No one Mary! I'm always out with boys..." Marlene's ears perked up at the sound of this. She was also curious about who Brooke had spent the previous night with.

"She's still not letting up is she?" Marlene asked Mary who shook her head furiously. "What about the rule?" Marlene asked turning to Brooke.

"What rule?" Brooke said playing stupid.

"Never under any circumstances do you stay the night" Mary and Marlene quoted in unison.

"Unless it wasn't a one night thing..." Said Mary excitement rising in her voice. Marlene looked over at Brooke who was beginning to turn a light shade of crimson.

"Piss off."

"Brooke!?" Marlene squealed not able to believe what was right under her nose.

"It's not like that!" Brooke snapped defensively. "I'm not interested in him."

"It always starts that way," Mary said with a sigh.

"I'm not looking for a relationship." Brooke said. Marlene felt nostalgic as he friend repeated a constant phase of hers. She could remember saying it, repeating it over and over in her head. She wasn't looking, and maybe she wasn't but you didn't get to control when things landed in your lap you just got to decide what you did with them. Marlene's thoughts, as always, traveled to a certain tall and long haired Gryffindor who was most likely sitting just bellow her in a comfy overly stuffed arm chair laughing with his friends.

When she was sure nearly everyone would have gone to bed Marlene snatched her book and headed down to the common room. She'd dressed casually in only a loose t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms. As she came to the last step she noticed a tall figure sitting on the couch by the fire.

"Sirius" Marlene said smiling slightly. He looked behind him, mildly surprised, and then turned back to face the fire.

"Were you looking for me?" He asked her. Marlene could tell something was bothering him as she moved forward sitting across from him on the couch.

"Are you upset?" she asked not bothering to answer his question first. Sirius shook his head but Marlene knew it was a lie. "If you're upset just say it-"

"What was that between you and Nathan?" Marlene couldn't be surprised. She had expected the question pop up eventually.

"He was trying to ask me out." Sirius' silence was enough to tell Marlene how he felt about the situation. "I'm not interested in Nathan Walters," she said. Although he tried to hide it his features immediately brightened.

"I thought he was the school catch" Sirius sniggered.

"Then I suppose he won't have any trouble finding someone else to ask out." Marlene replied with a small shrug. "Besides Nathan doesn't like me."

"He doesn't?" Sirius asked sounding unconvinced.

"He likes the idea of them. The person who sets me out to be in his mind but what does Nathan Walters actually know about me? We've possibly had three conversations in our seven years at Hogwarts." Sirius said nothing instead he sat still his eyes refusing to look in Marlene's direction. She felt her stomach twisting and turning the longer she stared at him.

"Sirius" she spoke up her voice warm and comforting. Marlene couldn't remember the last time she'd spoken to Sirius like that. He turned to her now and she could swear his grey eyes were watery and sad. Marlene had planned something to say in her head but now that she was staring in his eyes she couldn't manage to get the words out and so instead she leaned forward and kissed him.

He held her close to him so that the two of them were pressed against one another his hands tangled in her long blonde locks.

"I knew it!" Someone said happily from behind them. Marlene pulled away feeling frazzled and disoriented at first. She looked up to find Lily and James standing above them, a large grin plastered across Lily's pale and freckled cheeks.

"We were just heading up" James said giving his girlfriend a pointed look before he took her by the arm and started guiding her towards the stairs.

"I'll wait up for you Marly!" Lily called behind her shoulder. Once the pair was gone Marlene turned to face Sirius. It only took a second before both of them were laughing hysterically.

"I'm sorry" Marlene apologized once she'd gained the ability to speak again.

"Don't apologize...really" Sirius said. His eyes had brightened considerably as he stared at her now. "Marlene I still don't want-"

"A relationship" Marlene finished for him. "Yeah I know maybe we could just try this?"

"Getting caught by our friends making out?" Sirius asked curiously. Marlene chuckled, shaking her head.

"I was thinking something more along the lines of us not dating but having a few of the perks of it?"

"A friends with benefits type of situation?" Marlene cringed at the title.

"Or we could just do our own thing and not discuss it to death" she offered much happier with that then declaring themselves friends with benefits.

"Okay" Sirius agreed a sly smirk across his lips. Marlene leaned in once more and kissed them.

She had no idea what she'd just signed up for. The thought never crossed her mind that the small and replaceable moment she'd just shared with Sirius would end up being one of the first things she remembered the last few moments she had before she died. How could she? How could she ever have any idea of how important Sirius was going to become?


End file.
